Uncanny New XMen
by The Uncanny R-Man
Summary: Chapter 32: TJ Wagner and Magneto travel to California in an attempt to reconcile the Master of Magnetism with his estranged granddaughter, Luna Maximoff. Part of the Uncanny Marvel Universe.
1. The Search for Banshee: Part 1

**The Uncanny X-Men**

**Chapter 1: The Search for Banshee- Part 1**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to Marvel._

* * *

**Xavier's-**

Bobby and Lorna were hanging out in the hedge maze. Ever since Lorna had kissed Bobby at Christmas, they had been nigh inseparable.

Bobby smiled at the green-haired woman sitting beside him and gently held her hand in his.

'Y'know Lorna, the time we've had together has been great.' Bobby said. 'It's nice to have somebody just to hang out with, no strings attached.'

'Just nice?' Lorna asked, a cheeky smile spreading on her face. 'Am I crappy company or something?'

'You know what I mean.' Bobby replied. 'I wanna ask you something serious for a moment…'

'Who are you?' Lorna asked as she narrowed her eyes in suspicion. 'What have you done with the real Bobby Drake?'

'Do you mind?' Bobby replied. 'I'm trying to have a moment here.'

'Sorry, go ahead.' Lorna nodded.

Bobby took a deep breath and decided to go straight for it.

'Are you hanging out with me just to make Alex jealous?'

Lorna's shoulders slumped, with Bobby it was always about Alex. Even though she was dating Bobby before Alex, she ended up with the younger Summers brother. Then there was Annie the school nurse, Bobby had a major-league crush on her but Alex stole her away form him.

Lorna took Bobby's hand in his and looked him straight in the eyes.

'Bobby, Alex and I are through. As much as I hate to admit it, he's with Annie now. Didn't that kiss at Christmas show you how I felt?'

'I thought it was just a sympathy kiss.' Bobby replied.

'Perhaps I'd better kiss you again, to make sure you get my point.' Lorna said as she leant in closer.

Bobby leant in closer to meet Lorna's lips with his. It wasn't to last however…

'Bobby, Lorna, in the War Room, now!'

'Goddammit Alex!' Lorna hissed. 'Can't you see we're having a private moment here?'

'Yes, very nice.' Alex replied, not even caring that his ex was kissing Bobby. 'We've got a situation…'

'Well it was good while it lasted.' Bobby sighed.

* * *

**The war room-**

Bobby and Lorna were gathered in the War Room while Alex briefed them on their mission. They were also joined by Remy, Rogue, Logan, Cain, Jean-Paul and Moira.

'Moira tried to get in contact with Sean Cassidy earlier today to let him know that she's alive.' Alex explained. 'Unfortunately, there wasn't any reply.'

'I thought Irish walked out on the X-Men.' Cain said. 'Perhaps he's just ignorin' the calls.'

'Cassidy wouldn't ever do that.' Logan replied. 'If I know him as well as I think I do, he'd never refuse a phone call from the woman he loves.'

'So what's de what, Boss Man?' Remy asked. 'You t'ink ol' Banshee's in deep doo-doo?'

'Unfortunately, yes.' Alex replied. 'So that's why we're going to fly over to Cassidy Keep, we're going to find out why Sean isn't answering these calls and try to find out what kind of trouble he's in, if any.'

With that, the assembled X-Men got ready to suit up for their latest mission.

* * *

**The skies above Cassidy Keep, several hours later- **

The X-Jet zipped across the skies above the Cassidy family castle. When it came to a friend in trouble, there was now time for messing around. Especially when this friend was of such importance as Sean Cassidy. Apart form being Moira MacTaggart's fiancé, he used to be the co-headmaster of Generation-X and a charter member of the second generation of the X-Men.

'I don't suppose anybody's told Theresa about this mission.' Bobby said. 'She is Sean's daughter, you'd think she'd want in on this.'

'There's no need tah worry the girl.' Rogue replied. 'We'll be able tah handle this mission well enough on our own.'

'Dat's de way to t'ink, cherie.' Remy grinned as he placed his arm around Rogue's shoulder. 'Let's put a positive spin on dis.'

'Oh God, look at that mess down below.' Lorna said as she peered out of the window.

The other X-Men followed her lead and peered out of the window at the scene of destruction down below them. Cassidy Keep was in ruins.

'Geez, the last time something like this happened, Black Tom was responsible.' Cain said. 'You don't think it's him again, do ya?'

'You're his former running-partner, Cain.' Jean-Paul replied. 'You tell us.'

'We ain't getting any life-signs form the instruments.' Logan said form the pilot's seat. 'Either Cassidy's gone or he's dead.'

Lorna let out a hiss of pain as she put her hand to her head.

'Lorna, what's up?' Bobby asked concernedly.

'There's a magnetic disturbance somewhere in the mainland.' Lorna replied. 'Somebody's wrecking the Stark Enterprises Electromagnetic Research Station.'

'What makes you say dat, cherie?' Remy asked.

'That's the only way the magnetic fields could be thrown out of wack like this.' Lorna replied.

Logan turned on the X-Jet's communication equipment. He tried to find out who was attacking the research station but all that he could get was static.

'Communication's out.' Logan said. 'The magnetic field's screwin' it up. Looks like we're goin' in blind.'

The X-Jet headed towards the mainland and the sight that greeted them was a shocking one. The research station seemed to be under attack by some sort of plant creature.

'Anybody getting a weird case of deja vu?' Bobby asked. 'Cuz I am.'

'I told ya Tom wouldn't stay dead that last time.' Cain said. 'I betcha any money that he's got Banshee too.'

'Keep it down back there.' Alex barked. 'We're gonna have to sneak in.'

As if in reply, something hit the X-Jet, jolting it about.

'You had ter open yer mouth, Summers.' Logan muttered. 'Black Tom knows we're here!'

The X-Jet was knocked about once more as Black Tom swatted at it with a colossal wooden limb. Unfortunately, it tore off one of the X-Jet's wings.

'Hold on everybody!' Logan yelled. 'We're goin' down!'

**TBC…**

* * *

**Next: The Search for Banshee- Part 2**

_The X-Men Vs Black Tom, 'nuff said._


	2. The Search for Banshee: Part 2

**The Uncanny X-Men**

**Chapter 2: The Search for Banshee- Part 2**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to Marvel._

* * *

**Shout Outs-**

**Needles- **_Yeah, I liked your idea for this fic, I just needed an excuse to write this. Not so sure on the Bobby/Jean-Paul front though._

**TheLegendaryManHimself- **_Alex and Lorna have always been in the URM-Verse, just not in the forefront of my stuff._

**Agent-G- **_I was going to pair Bobby up with Illyana but I decided to go with the Bobby/Lorna route. Better to go the canon route, right?_

* * *

**Stark Enterprises Electromagnetic Research Station, Ireland-**

'Hold on everybody, we're goin' down!'

The X-Men braced for impact as the X-Jet plummeted to the ground. The crash never came as the X-Jet jolted once and stood still in the air.

'What de Hell?' Gambit said.

'Oh please Gambit.' Polaris snorted. 'Like you didn't see me saving us coming.'

The X-Men looked up at the sound of screeching metal, something was tearing off the roof of the X-Jet.

'Oh look, X-Men in a can.' The now totally wooden Black Tom Cassidy snickered. 'I'm gonna eat you all like sardines!'

'Says you Cassidy!' Havok yelled. 'X-Men, get to it!'

The X-Men leapt into attack. Northstar, Rogue, Iceman and Polaris took to the air and attacked with their respective powers. Rogue manifested Cyclops's optic blasts and blasted away at their foe. Polaris used her magnetic powers to lift up parts of wrecked vehicles and sliced up Black Tom with the shrapnel and Iceman froze Tom's wooden form while Northstar flew through the frozen limbs, shattering them.

The other X-Men took the low ground. Gambit charged up some cards and flung them at the plant-manipulating mutant. Havok let rip with his plasma blasts, obliterating any errant roots that came his way. Juggernaut ripped off any wooden limbs that his former friend sent his way and Logan hacked away with his claws.

'Y'know, this is unusually easy.' Iceman said as he froze yet another root that came his way. 'I thought you were a big bad, Tom.'

'I'll show you just how bad I can be, X-Man!' Tom replied as more roots burst from the ground and grabbed the frigid mutant.

'Oh no, how will I escape?' Iceman whimpered mockingly. 'You are so big and butch, I cannot possibly beat you.'

Black Tom hissed in pain as Iceman froze the root solid.

'Psyche!' Iceman yelled as he shattered the root.

'Where is Banshee, Tom?' Havok bellowed as he let rip with more plasma blasts. 'Where have you got him?'

'Oh yeah, like I'm going to tell you where I've got him stashed.' Tom snorted. 'I've got loads of warehouses dotted around here. You'll never find him!'

'Found him!' Northstar said as he zipped up with the younger Cassidy cousin. 'He was locked up down below. There was also the matter of a bomb, but I took care of that too.'

'Damn you X-Men!' Tom bellowed. 'I'm fed up of you screwing up my plans!'

'Ye never learned, Tom.' Banshee replied. 'No matter how many times ye got yuir arse beat, ye always come back f'r more.'

'That's it, I'm ending this now!' Tom bellowed as the ground fractured as loads more roots burst forth. The X-Men tried to cut them back but there were too many roots and Tom soon had then bound up.

'You're not so tough now, are you X-Men?' Tom taunted. 'How does it feel knowing that you're about to die?'

'Kinda old actually.' Wolverine replied. 'I've died too many times ter count.'

'I'll kill you all!' Tom yelled as his roots began to squeeze the life out of the X-Men.

'Tom, you talk to much.' Polaris sighed. 'I'd suggest that everybody closed their eyes and held their breaths.'

'What the Hell are you talking about woman?' Tom growled.

'The tanker full of weed-killer that I'm holding over your head.' Polaris replied. 'I wonder how long it would take you to reform after getting doused in that?'

'You don't have the guts.' Tom growled. 'You X-Men don't kill.'

Polaris just grinned evilly as her magnetic powers ripped the tanker in two, dousing Black Tom with weed-killer.

Black Tom screamed in pain as his wooden form began to smoke and disintegrate. With his grip loosened on the X-Men, they all burst away.

'I'm melting, _melting…_' Bobby taunted. 'C'mon Tom, you know you wanna say it.'

'I'll get you yet, X-Men…' Black Tom gurgled as he began to melt. 'Just you wait and see…'

'Says the guy turnin' in tah compost.' Rogue snorted as Tom's form finally turned to mush. 'Well that was easy…'

'It was almost as if hi didn't have his heart in it.' Juggernaut replied. 'Weird.'

'Perhaps he's got Dutch Elm disease, or somet'in'.' Gambit said.

'Oh well, I guess we'll have to discuss this back at the mansion.' Havok replied. 'You can join us if you want, Sean. There's somebody that's eager to see you.'

'What our fearless leader means ter say is that Moira's alive.' Logan added. 'We came here ter tell yer but we got kinda sidetracked.'

'We'd better take my jet then.' Banshee replied. 'Because yuir X-Jet doesnae look like it'll survive the journey.'

* * *

**Later-**

The X-Men had left and Black Tom's remains had been cleared up. A figure appeared through a stepping disc and knelt on the floor. It seemed that the authorities weren't all that successful in gathering up Black Tom's remains.

A grey-furred hand picked up a small blob off what once was the Irish terrorist and held it up in front of evil yellow eyes.

'This is the infamous Black Tom Cassidy?' Dark Beast snorted. 'Morgan must be desperate if she recruiting blobs of compost into the Hellfire Club.'

Dark Beast popped the blob of Black Tom into a vial and pocketed it as he activated another stepping disc and teleported away.

**TBC…**

* * *

**Next: Aurora**

_When Northstar receives information on the whereabouts of his missing sister, he leads the X-Men on a rescue mission to Canada. Also, could romance be in the cards for Juggernaut?_


	3. Aurora

**The Uncanny X-Men**

**Chapter 3: Aurora**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to Marvel._

* * *

**Shout Outs-**

**DarkKnight92- **_Gambit isn't blind as the whole thing in China where they found a new Xorn never happened in the URM-Verse._

**Needles- **_Sorry, no She-Hulk in this chapter._

TheLegendaryManHimself- _You can expect many more one-liners form Bobby; he is the team's comic relief after all._

**Agent-G- **_Expect more Bobby/Polaris soon. Yup, Northstar is gonna look for his sister. I'm sure that the combined powers of Xavier, jean Grey and Emma Frost could help her condition. Nope, Cain isn't going to get with She-Hulk again, I think you'll be surprised to see who though._

**Thanks to- **_Queen Peacock._

* * *

**Xavier's-**

It was mid-morning at the Xavier Institute for Higher Learning and the students were going about recess. Jean-Paul Beaubier was the faculty member on recess duty. Fortunately for the Canadian mutant, Julian and his gang of bullies were keeping it under wraps for the moment and there wasn't all that much to take care of. That left Jean-Paul plenty of time to plan out his next few classes. Jean-Paul was anything but disorganised.

Unfortunately, Jean-Paul's musings were cut short as his cell-phone went off. He muttered a curse in French and answered.

'Jean-Paul Beaubier…'

Jean-Paul's eyes widened in surprise as he recognised the voice of his former Alpha Flight teammate: Walter Langkowski, aka Sasquatch.

Jean-Paul put his hand to his mouth at the news that his former teammate gave him.

'Jean-Paul, you okay?' Walter asked. 'Jean-Paul, buddy?'

'I-I have to go…' Jean-Paul replied, his voice barely above a whisper.

* * *

**The War Room-**

Jean-Paul was holding court while the rest of the X-Men were listening to him intently.

Alex was currently on leave with Annie so Sean Cassidy had taken over the role of team leader for the moment. The decision to have Sean leading the team was a lot more popular than the decision to have Alex leading the team.

Along with Jean-Paul and Sean, Bobby, Lorna, Cain and Logan had joined them.

'During recess I received a call on my cell-phone form a former teammate from Alpha Flight.' Jean-Paul explained. 'It seems that Alpha Flight has found m…'

Jean-Paul was cut off as a bedraggled Remy and Rogue walked in the room, their hair all mussed. Ever since Valeria Richards and Hank McCoy had whipped up a device that helped control Rogue's absorption powers, the pair had hardly ventured out of their bedroom.

'Sorry we're late, mes amis.' Remy said. 'We got a little… sidetracked.'

'I've heard it being called a lotta things but that's a new one.' Logan snickered.

'If I may continue?' Jean-Paul asked. 'Or would you prefer to keep us awake with your cacophonous love-making?'

'It's not my fault if Roguey's a screamer.' Remy replied, a cocky smile gracing his lips.

'Ah ain't the only guilty party, Swamp Rat.' Rogue replied swatted her boyfriend upside the head. 'You ain't exactly quiet yaself.'

'Not that hearing about your love life isn't fascinating stuff, but may I please get on with this briefing?' Jean-Paul asked, his voice rising lightly.

'Don' mind us, JP.' Remy replied. 'We're jus' gettin' to know each other again. N'est pas?'

Jean-Paul just rolled his eyes and continued with the briefing.

'As I said, I received a cell-phone from Alpha Flight earlier. It seems that they have information on the whereabouts of my sister.'

'It's about time those lazy jerks got off their butts and did some real work.' Bobby said. 'So why are you telling us? You want us to help you find her?'

'In a word, yes.' Jean-Paul replied. 'And regarding my sister's history of mental problems, I will require to bring her back here so Xavier and the others telepaths can help her.'

'Well what are ye waitin' f'r?' Sean asked. 'Let's fire up the Blackbird an' go find Aurora.'

* * *

**Alpha Flight HQ, Canada-**

The present members of Alpha Flight, Sasquatch, Zuzha Yu, Yukon Jack, Major Mapleleaf, Nemesis and Centennial, stood back and watched as the Blackbird Jet containing the X-Men landed in their hangar bay.

'Well I don't know about you guys but I'm pretty hyped about meeting the X-Men.' Zuzha, the illegitimate daughter of the original Puck, said.

'I'm with Zuzha.' Major Mapleleaf, the Canadian version of Captain America added. 'It'll be nice to meet more heroes like us.'

'Trust me on this guys.' Sasquatch said. 'The X-Men aren't like anything you have ever seen.'

Sasquatch's usual cordial demeanour soured slightly as he saw who was with the X-Men.

'Oh crap, Juggernaut's with them.'

'You guys have history together?' Zuzha asked.

'You could say that.' Sasquatch replied. 'If your definition of _history _is the same as _lots of gratuitous property damage_.'

'Ohh, that kind of history.' Zuzha nodded. 'Right, gotcha.'

'He kicked your ass, didn't he?' Nemesis, a former enemy of the team snickered.

Sasquatch just ignored the woman's comments and went to meet the X-Men.

'Have a pleasant trip?' Sasquatch asked a she approached the X-Men.

'Were is my sister, Sasquatch?' Jean-Paul demanded. 'I want to see her.'

'Okay, come this way.' Sasquatch nodded. 'She's in the med bay.'

'You have her here?' Jean-Paul asked, his eyes darting about. 'You have to take me to her.'

'It's not that easy, I'm afraid.' Sasquatch replied. 'She went through a lot of strain, both mental and physical, during her time as part of the Weapon-X Program.'

Northstar grabbed the giant ape-man by the fur on his collar.

'Take me to my sister. Now.' He demanded.

'Okay, but you might be disturbed by her present state.' Sasquatch said.

Northstar just ignored his former teammate's words and zipped off in the direction of the med bay.

'Oh yeah, nice going fuzzy.' Cain snorted.

Sasquatch just turned at glared at Cain.

'You're on our turf now, Juggernaut and if we're going to have a problem, you'll have to take it up with the entire team.'

'I took down the old team and I'll sure as Hell whup these pantywastes you got now.' Cain replied, getting is Sasquatch's face.

'And here I was thinking this wuz gonna be a boring mission.' Logan snickered.

* * *

**The med bay-**

Jean-Paul ground to a halt outside the med bay and peered through the view screen. Sasquatch was right; Aurora's present state was a disturbing one, her face was scarred and every patch of bare skin was covered with bruises.

Jean-Paul rushed through the door and zipped up to the bed where his sister was presently sleeping.

'Oh God, Jeanne-Marie, what have they done to you?' Jean-Paul whispered, his body shaking with emotion. 'What have they done to your beautiful face?'

'It's not the face that matters, _ma petite_, it's the person inside that counts, _non_?' Jeanne-Marie whispered weakly.

'Oh thank God.' Jean-Paul gasped a she grabbed his sister in a huge hug. 'I thought I'd never see you again.'

'It certainly took you long enough to get here.' Jeanne-Marie replied. 'What kept you? All those handsome men in the X-Men?'

'You could always see straight through me when it comes to matters of the heart.' Jean-Paul chuckled.

'So, who is he?' Jeanne-Marie asked. 'Who is the handsome young _garcon_ that kept my brother from my side?'

'I'm not sure there actually is a _garcon_.' Jean-Paul replied, somewhat regretfully. 'I like him but he doesn't feel the same way.'

'Ooh, who is it?' Jeanne-Marie asked, her curiosity piqued. 'Ooh, is it Wolverine? He is tres sexy, non?'

'To be honest, I really haven't noticed.' Jean-Paul replied. 'He's not really my type.'

'Ah, then who is your type?' Jeanne-Marie asked. 'Is it the Angel? No, you never were one for the rich boys. Perhaps you went for the joker. What about Iceman?'

Jean-Paul just coughed nervously and tried to avoid his sister's gaze.

'Aha, so that is the young _garcon_ that has stolen your heart.' Jeanne-Marie chuckled. 'You always did have an unusual taste in men.'

'Can we please change the subject?' Jean-Paul groaned. 'I'm actually here to bring you back to the institute with me. Xavier and the other telepaths can help you with your… problems. The voices in your head.'

'But Malcolm took care of those.' Jeanne-Marie replied.

'Who is Malcolm?' Jean-Paul asked suspiciously. 'Is he the one that did this to you?'

Jeanne-Marie just turned on her side away from Jean-Paul.

'I'm sleepy.' She said simply. 'Walter has me on some drugs and they're making me woozy…'

Jean-Paul just sighed reluctantly; he would talk about this Malcolm person later.

* * *

**Xavier's-**

Aurora had joined Jean-Paul and the others back at Xavier's and was awaiting her first counselling session with Professor Xavier and Emma Frost. Just to make sure that none of her multiple personalities popped up and caused any trouble, she was appointed a chaperone. The person that Xavier chose was Cain.

The former villain was pretty curious why his half-brother chose him of all people. Cain wasn't well known for being overly caring or gentle but he seemed to be getting on well with the young Canadian woman.

'Well you certainly have a wonderful institute here, Cain.' Jeanne-Marie said as she clung to the larger man's arm. 'It must have cost a bundle.'

'Summers and Frosty were the ones that actually paid for it after Magneto totalled the old place.' Cain explained. 'It's pretty spiffy.'

'You must tell me more about this place over dinner.' Jeanne-Marie said. 'That is… unless you have plans…'

Cain just blinked in surprise; did she just ask him on a date?

'Well it's not that I don't have plans, cuz I don't…' Cain babbled. 'And yer an attractive woman too but, what would yer brother say?'

'Oh Jean-Paul worries too much.' Jeanne-Marie shrugged. 'Let him have his fantasies of Iceman.'

'I-I think it's time for yer session with Chuck and Frosty.' Cain said, growing more nervous in the woman's presence by the moment.

'I'm sure _Monsieur Proffesseur_ could wait for a few minutes.' Jeanne-Marie purred seductively. 'You really are quite attractive Cain; any woman would be insane to turn you down. I should know.'

Cain tried to move away but found himself frozen in place; his legs just didn't seem to work.

Jeanne-Marie smiled seductively as she stood up on her tiptoes to plant a gentle kiss on Cain's lips.

'Mmm, cinnamon, _tres bien_.' Jeanne-Marie purred as she licked her lips. 'Perhaps I shall be back for a second helping after my counselling, _non?_'

Cain just blinked in confusion as Jeanne-Marie walked away with an extra wiggle of her backside.

'Man, that is one crazy lady…'

**TBC…**

* * *

**Next: Lizard Trouble in the Big Easy**

_Gambit takes the rest of the team to New Orleans for Mardi Gras. Unfortunately, the festivities are spoilt somewhat by reports of attacks allegedly perpetrated by some kind of lizard man in the Louisiana Bayous. When Gambit and co investigate, they find that one of Spider-Man's oldest enemies has made the Bayous his home. Will the Lizard turn the X-Men into gator bait or will the X-Men turn ol' Doc Connors into a handbag first? Tune in next time to find out._


	4. Lizard Trouble in the Big Easy

**Uncanny X-Men**

**Chapter 4: Lizard Trouble in the Big Easy**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to Marvel._

* * *

**Shout Outs-**

**GothikStrawberry- **_Yup, Jeanne-Marie is all better now. Well… if you consider flirting with Juggernaut sane behaviour._

**TheLegendaryManHimself- **_The Jeanne-Marie that's flirting with Cain isn't one of her other personalities, it's the real thing. _

**Agent-G- **_If you'll remember back to Chapter 2 of 'Uncanny West Coast Avengers', you'll see that Mayhem was a member of the old-school Alpha Flight, not the new, 'lame' team. _

**Thanks to- **_Unknown legacy._

* * *

**Quote of the day: **_'Get away from her, you bitch!'- _**Ellen Ripley (Aliens)**

* * *

**The Bayous of Louisiana-**

It was an eerily quiet night in the Louisiana Bayous as a lone airboat ground to a halt in the water. The man on board was Françoise Baite. He was New Orleans' most infamous gator poacher and he was on the search for his prey.

Françoise brought his airboat to a halt and got his equipment ready, chunks of beef for bait and a shotgun to kill the gators.

Françoise dumped some bait into the water and took his position on the boat as he waited for his prey to arrive. It didn't take very long for Françoise to see the first telltale signs of a gator swimming towards the bait.

'Come to poppa, ya ugly son of a…'

Françoise fell on his side and dropped his shotgun as something hit the boat.

'What de Hell?' Françoise muttered to himself as he looked around to see what hit the boat. 'That ain't no gator…' Françoise muttered. 'I sure as Hell don' t'ink it was…'

'_Thissss issss my sssswamp…'_ A voice hissed. _'You are an intruder. Intruderssss musssst leave…'_

Françoise spun around and blasted the water.

'_Foolissssh human.' _The voice hissed. 'Your time here _hassss _ended…'

As quick as a flash, something leapt onto the boat and swatted the shotgun form Françoise's hand.

The creature had dark green scaly skin and was dressed in the remains of purple pants and a tattered white lab coat. It was the Lizard!

Françoise screamed as the Lizard leapt at him, teeth bared and glistening with drool.

The mixed cacophony of human screams and snapping bones brought several gators over with the promise of a fresh meal…

* * *

**Bourbon Street, New Orleans-**

The streets of New Orleans were awash with colour as everybody celebrated Mardi Gras. A group of people struggled through the throng of horny frat boys on Spring Break and slutty sorority girls showcasing their… wares. These people were the X-Men: Gambit, Rogue, Juggernaut, Iceman, Polaris, Aurora and Northstar. Wolverine would have come with them but he was busy elsewhere. **(1) **Havok was still on leave and Banshee was having some private time with Moira MacTaggart.

'Man, I don't know why we never came for Mardi Gras before.' Bobby said as he looked up to the balconies to see drunken girls flashing for beads. 'I _so_ have to get me some beads.'

'Don't you even _think_ about it, Drake.' Lorna said as she pulled her boyfriend close. 'We didn't come here to see nubile young sluts flashing their bits. We've got a mission, remember?'

'Yeah, yeah.' Bobby sighed. 'Mysterious monster killing gator poachers. Whatever.'

'I don't think that the bead idea is such a bad thing.' Jeanne-Marie said from her position clinging to Cain's arm. 'It looks like fun.'

Jean-Paul opened his mouth to reprimand his sister but she shot him a warning glance.

'Although, you wouldn't need any beads to see my… wares, Cain.' Jeanne-Marie purred seductively. 'Anytime you want to see, feel free to ask, _n'est pas?_'

Cain just cleared his throat nervously. Sure, Jeanne-Marie was cute, in a crazy kind of way, but her incessant flirting was a little disconcerting.

Jean-Paul shot his sister a death glare and decided to change the subject.

'Where are we going to meet this contact of yours?' The Canadian mutant asked. 'Not in one of these bars that are full of drunken college kids, I hope.'

'You say that like it's a bad thing.' Bobby snickered, only to get a smack upside the head courtesy of Lorna.

'Ginny's place is just aroun' de corner.' Remy replied. 'She's expectin' us.'

Genevieve D'Aubigne, or Ginny for short, and Madame Camille were an aunt and niece team of information brokers that masqueraded as fortunetellers. While Camille told the victims' fortunes, Ginny hacked into their personal details to gather any possible blackmail material worth selling. They were both good friends of Remy's. Ginny had a mad crush on him too.

'Ah, here we are.' Remy said as he spied Camille's apartment. 'Let's go see de folks.'

The other X-Men followed him inside.

* * *

**Inside-**

After a quick introduction between Camille, Ginny and the other X-Men, it was time for business as Camille gave them the low-down on the attacks out in the bayou.

'I don' know much.' Camille explained. 'Ever since dese attacks've started, everybody's kept quiet. Nobody's talkin' about it. It's almost as if people're denyin' de fact that dese attacks happened.'

'Why didn't the cops investigate?' Rogue asked. 'Mysterious deaths in the swamp, surely that's part of their jobs.'

'As far as de cops're concerned, de poachers got what dey deserved.' Ginny replied. 'An' I'm kinda inclined to agree wit' them.'

'Ginny, hush!' Camille hissed. 'Anyway, a wildlife photographer managed to get a few shots of de t'ing that killed de poachers.'

Camille handed out some computer printouts. They showed blurred pictures of some kind of reptile creature wearing rags.

'Hey, I know that guy.' Cain said. 'That's that Connors guy. I was in the Vault with him a while back.'

'_Curt _Connors?' Jean-Paul asked. 'The Lizard, Curt Connors?'

'Do you know any other Curt Connors, brother?' Jeanne-Marie replied. 'Are you sure Connors was the one that killed these poachers?'

'I'd say so.' Bobby replied as he passed the Canadian another printout. This time it showed the Lizard ripping the arm off a poacher. Jeanne-Marie paled at the sight.

'Oh. I guess Connors is our man… lizard.'

* * *

**The bayou-**

After the meeting with Camille and Ginny, the X-Men set off to find Curt Connors. Those of them that could fly did so while the others took to the swamp in airboats.

'Lorna, you got any sign of Connors yet?' Gambit asked through his comm-link.

'Not yet, Gambit.' She replied as she scanned the swamp below her. 'It's hard to see much of the swamp at this height. The water's too murky to make anything out.'

'Nothing here, either.' Aurora replied from a slightly lower altitude under the tree line. 'Do you think _Monsieur Connors_ knows that we're coming?'

'How could he?' Gambit replied. 'We're takin' de stealthy route.'

'You call those airboats stealthy?' Northstar asked. 'You're announcing our presence to everybody and everything in a five mile radius.'

'Perhaps we'd better take a breather.' Gambit sighed. 'Get our heads together for a better plan.'

'Ah can see an ol' abandoned plantation house not far from meh.' Rogue replied. 'How about we meet there?'

'Everybody hear that?' Gambit asked. 'Get to de plantation house for a pow-wow.'

The other X-Men did as they were told and followed Rogue's signal to the abandoned plantation house.

The old plantation house in question was what you would have expected. It was definitely abandoned. The house hadn't seen a decent coat of paint in many years.

'Call me old-fashioned but I can't see the logic of building a plantation house in the middle of a Louisiana swamp.' Iceman said as he hopped onto solid ground.

'I guess people did wacky things in those days.' Polaris replied. 'So, what's the next plan of action? Just wait here until the Lizard pops up to eat us?'

'Works enough times for Spider-Man.' Gambit replied.

'_Heeere _Lizard, Lizard, Lizard…' Juggernaut called as he went about searching for Connors.

'Cain, is that _really_ necessary?' Northstar asked. 'I somehow doubt that calling _here_ _Lizard, Lizard, Lizard_ will work.'

'You'd better turn around then.' Juggernaut replied. 'Slowly…'

Northstar slowly turned around at the sound of a hiss. Sure enough, the Lizard was standing behind him poised to strike.

'_Humanssss are not welcome.'_ The Lizard hissed. _'Thissss issss the Lizard'ssss sssswamp.'_

'As much as such a prime piece of real estate is of interest to us, we must really get on with this mission.' Northstar said. 'Now come along Doctor Connors, let's do something about changing you back to normal.'

'_No!' _The Lizard hissed as he swiped Northstar away. _'Connorssss issss no more._ _Now there issss the Lizard!'_

'Looks like we'll have to do it my way.' Juggernaut said as he cracked his knuckles. 'Now come here before I turn ya into a pair of boots!'

The Lizard just hissed in anger and vaulted over Juggernaut, heading towards the others.

'Guys, heads up!' Juggernaut yelled. 'Connors is trying to escape!'

'On it!' Iceman replied as he sent an icy blast in the Lizard's direction, freezing him in a giant block of ice.

This didn't do much to stop the Lizard as he simply flexed his muscles and smashed through the ice.

'Connors! Stop this at once!' Polaris demanded. I don't want to hurt you!'

'_You cannot hurt the Lizard! The Lizard will hurt **you!**'_

The Lizard tried to slash at Polaris with his claws but found himself suspended in the air by a magnetic bubble.

'_Let me go!'_ The Lizard hissed. _'The Lizard cannot be caged!_

'Geez, what is up with bad guys and referring to themselves in the third person?' Iceman muttered.

'Just being presumptuous, ah guess.' Rogue shrugged.

The Lizard hissed in anger as he swiped at Lorna with his tail, knocking her down.

'_Lorna!'_ Iceman yelled. 'You'll pay for this, Connors!'

The Lizard didn't reply as he leapt at Iceman and slashed at him with his claws.

'Aww, dammit!' Iceman hissed. 'Do you know how long it takes to refreeze myself?'

'Ah suppose that ah'll have to handle this.' Rogue sighed as she removed a glove and grabbed the Lizard by the hand.

The Lizard hissed in anger once more as Rogue sapped his power.

Rogue gritted her teeth as her skin began to take on a lizard like appearance, all scales and what have you. This also meant that the Lizard slowly, and painfully, reverted back into Curt Connors.

Gambit caught Rogue as she let go of the unconscious Connors.

'Uch, ah feel lahke a handbag.' Rogue winced as she looked at her scaly hands. _'Ah hope thissss don't lasssst long.'_

'Yeah.' Iceman replied. 'We'd better get you back before somebody tries to turn you into a tacky souvenir.'

'_Ah'll turn **you** into a tacky ssssouvenir if ya don't sssshut up, Drake.'_ Rogue hissed as he pointed a clawed finger at him.

'Hey Rogue, you've got a forked tongue.' Jeanne-Marie pointed out. 'Are you sure Remy wants you to turn back to normal? I can think of several _trez kinky_ uses for a forked tongue.'

A thoughtful smile spread across Gambit's face as he thought of the possibilities of a girlfriend with a forked tongue.

'_Don't y'all even dare, Sssswamp Rat.' _Rogue growled

**TBC…**

* * *

**Next: Masters of Evil**

_The supervillain exchange continues as the X-Men take on some of the Avengers' most feared enemies, the Masters of Evil: Baron Zemo, Abomination, Blizzard, Grim Reaper, Klaw and Titania!_

Notes- 

**(1)- **_Logan is otherwise busy in his own story, seducing Ororo and what have you._


	5. Masters of Evil: Part 1

**Uncanny X-Men**

**Chapter 5: Masters of Evil- Part 1**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer-** _All familiar characters belong to Marvel._

**

* * *

**

**Shout Outs-**

**GothikStrawberry- **_You can expect lots more flirting from Jeanne-Marie soon. Bwa-ha-haaa!_

**Aaron- **_Jugs Vs Abomination? That's a given. The Adorable Aurora? Sounds like a pretty good code-name. Forget the Amazing Spider-Man or the Fantastic Four, here comes the Adorable Aurora! _

* * *

**The infirmary- **

Annie Ghazikhanian, the Xavier Institute's nurse, walked into the infirmary to see Jeanne-Marie Beaubier sitting on one of the examining tables.

'Oh, you're here.' Annie realized as she walked up to the Canadian mutant. 'The sooner we get this routine check up over with, the sooner we can get back to our lives.'

'I'm afraid that I've already had my check up.' Jeanne-Marie replied.

'B-but who…?' Annie sputtered.

'That would be me, lass.' Moira MacTaggart answered from behind Annie. 'I dinnae believe we've met. I'm Moira MacTaggart.'

'Yeah. Great.' Annie sniffed. 'Now why are you in _my_ infirmary?'

'_Your_ infirmary?' Moira snorted. 'I'm guessin' that Charley didnae inform ye of the changes.'

'Changes?' Annie asked in confusion. 'What changes?'

'Everybody knows about the changes.' Jeanne-Marie stated. 'There was a _petite_ memo and everything.'

'Well _I_ didn't see any memo.' Annie sniffed.

'Most probably stealin' other women's husbands.' Moira muttered to herself.

'What did you say?' Annie hissed. 'Would you care to say that again?'

'Sure I would, lass.' Moira smirked. 'Ye committed the ultimate sin. Ye stole another woman's man away. On their weddin' day no less!'

'Oh, this is about Alex, isn't it?' Annie groaned. 'Who put you up to it? I bet it was Lorna. That cow's _never_ liked me.'

'Lorna doesnae have _anythin'_ tae do wi' this.' Moira replied. 'Poor lass. She went through so much after Genosha only tae get her newfound fiancée stolen away from her.'

'Moira's right.' Jeanne-Marie added. 'I'm surprised that nobody's said this to you before now.'

'I don't need this crap.' Annie grumbled. 'Now, if you excuse me I need to get some work done. Now, if you'd kindly leave _my_ infirmary…'

'I think ye mean _my_ infirmary, lass.' Moira replied. 'Charley's given me the authority over this place.'

'And he didn't ask _me_ first?' Annie hissed. 'How _dare_ he! What right have you got to take the infirmary over?'

'A little somethin' called a Nobel Prize.' Moira answered simply. 'It looks like ye will be workin' f'r me.'

'_Oh this is juuuuust **ducky**_.' Annie groused. 'I suppose you're going to make my life a living hell now.'

'Oh, please!' Moira snorted. 'Get of yuir pedestal f'r a moment. I like tae think I'm above petty bitchiness… no matter how many people you've insulted since your stay here.'

'Oh, _c'mon!_' Annie snorted, raising her arms up in the air. 'That was just stupid gossip!'

'_Hurtful_ gossip.' Jeanne-Marie reminded her. 'You hurt poor Jono's feelings always going on about the fact that he doesn't have a face. Then you left _Monsieur Drake_ for Alex. And then there's the things you said about poor little Rahne…'

'She can't get a _real_ guy so she settles for an alien.' Moira repeated in a high-pitched mocking voice. 'That was low, Annie. It was disgusting. Ye fully well know that Rahne is sensitive aboot her relationship problems.'

'But what would you expect from a bigot?' Jeanne-Marie sniffed.

'I am _not_ a bigot!' Annie snarled. 'I am nothing of the sort!'

'_Excusez moi Madame,_ but weren't _you_ the one that confessed to have a dislike of mutants not very long ago? If that isn't bigotry, I don't know what is.'

'Ugh! I've had enough of this crap!' Annie snarled again. 'I leave the Institute for a few weeks to go on vacation with Alex and everybody turns on us.' An alarm klaxon sounded.

'With good reason.' Moira added. 'Now, if ye'll excuse us, I believe yuir beloved boy toy wants tae see us f'r a mission…'

* * *

**The War Room-**

Alex was patiently waiting for the last of his team to arrive. Cain, Rogue, Remy, Sean, Bobby and Lorna had already taken their seats. Bobby was whispering sweet nothings into Lorna's ear. And Lorna, well… if her dirty laugh was any indication of how she felt, it was only a moment of time until she jumped Bobby and began to ravish him.

'Bobby, do you mind?' Alex asked as he rubbed the bridge of his nose. 'This is a serious meeting.'

'What's the matter, Alex?' Bobby snickered. 'Jealous?'

Alex just rolled his eyes. Thankfully, Moira and Jeanne-Marie soon arrived.

'Nice of you ladies to join us.' Alex sniffed. 'Now, to business…'

Jeanne-Marie slid into the seat beside Cain while Moira took a seat beside Sean.

Alex then started with the mission briefing.

'You guys may or may not be familiar with the Masters of Evil.' Alex explained. 'They're a loose-knit team of supervillains. Mostly B-Listers with rare A-Listers dotted about.'

'Wait, ain't the Masters of Evil kind of the Avengers' business?' Cain asked, Jeanne-Marie rubbing his arm gently. 'Please Jeanne-Marie, I'm tryin' to be serious here… An' if so, why the heck are we botherin' with 'em? We got a villain exchange goin' on or somethin'? Jeanne-Marie, knock it off. Are they gonna fight the Brotherhood or some junk? Now yer really startin' to creep me out, babe'

'The Avengers are presently indisposed at the moment.' Alex explained. 'Something with the Hellfire Club…'

'Haw! I k_new_ it!' Cain crowed. 'We got a villain exchange goin' on! Just like that Acts of Vengeance dealie a few years back.'

'Cain, if I can continue, please?' Alex asked. Cain nodded. 'Thank you. Now, the present roster of the Masters of Evil consists of Baron Zemo, the Abomination, Titania, Blizzard, Klaw and the Grim Reaper.'

'It looks like you were right, _mon frere._' Remy snickered. 'Dey _are_ a load of B-Listers.'

'I don't think the Black Panther would like ye referrin' to his nemesis like that.' Sean chuckled.

'Well, de Panther ain't here, is he?' Remy sniffed.

Alex then continued with the briefing.

'With some help from one of the many SHIELD satellites orbiting the earth, I've managed to track these guys down to a castle somewhere upstate.'

'If you found their hideout with a SHIELD satellite, why the hell isn't Fury doing anything?' Lorna grumbled. 'Lazy creep. Leaving all the work to us…'

'I'm sure Fury has his reasons.' Alex commented. 'Now, we don't know just what these guys are up to exactly, but I think it would be better to take them out before they have a chance to cause any trouble and/or hurt innocent people.'

'Does that mean we can go now?' Rogue asked impatiently. 'Cuz ah'm getting' antsy.'

'It must be those Lizard powers you absorbed in New Orleans.' Jeanne-Marie suggested.

'Uch, ah hope not.' Rogue gagged. 'Ah kept on sheddin' for a week after that. Next tahme Spider-Man can't keep a lid on his bad guys, let the Avengers do it.'

'Right, let's get going people.' Alex ordered as he headed for the X-Jet. 'C'mon people, let's move!'

'Javohl!' Bobby replied with a salute and a click of his heels.

Alex groaned inwardly.

'_Why did Scott choose **me** to lead?' _Alext hought to himself. _'Leading this team is like living in a mad house. A **mad house!**'_

* * *

**The X-Jet, a short time later-**

The team of X-Men had gathered on board the X-Jet and were zooming across the skies in the direction of the castle where the Masters of Evil were suspected to he holed up.

'Are we there yet?'

'No.'

'Are we there yet?'

'No!'

'Are we there yet?'

'For the last time Bobby, we are not there yet!' Alex hissed. 'Sometimes I could swear that you're getting younger instead of older.'

'Geez, _somebody_ got up on the wrong side of the stick up his butt.' Bobby sniffed. 'What's the matter, Annie not giving you any?'

'That's none of your business, Drake.' Alex muttered. 'Besides, Annie isn't in the mood lately. Says something about not feeling welcome any more.'

'Gee, I wonder why _that_ could be…' Rogue wondered in mock innocence as she looked over in Jeanne-Marie's direction.

The Canadian mutant just whistled innocently and twiddled her thumbs.

Sean wisely chose to change the subject.

'We're approachin' the castle now, Alex.' The Irish mutant reported from his place in the pilot's seat. 'I've just made a few preliminary checks, an' the new cloakin' device Hank an' Val whipped up is workin' perfectly.'

'Good.' Alex nodded. 'Now, you all remember how we play this, right?'

A chorus of affirmatives rose from the assembled X-Men.

'Okay then Sean, bring us down to parachute height.'

'Aye, aye captain.' Sean complied, the merest hint of a smile teasing his lips.

'Don't tell me you're gonna give me gyp too.' Alex sighed.

'Just lightenin' the mood, boyo.' Sean chuckled. 'I always thought Scott was the uptight Summers Brother.'

**

* * *

Down below-**

While the X-Men went about their plans undetected, the Masters of Evil waited for the right moment to strike.

Blizzard turned from his position sitting by the monitor screen.

'Umm boss, I think we got a problem.'

'Define problem.' The pink-hooded tyrant known as Baron Zemo demanded.

'Well…' Blizzard began as he tried to visualise his reply. 'There was a… blip.'

'A blip?' Zemo blinked.

'Yeah, a blip.' Blizzard replied. 'Kinda like the blip you'd get if somebody was sneaking up in us in a cloaked plane or something.'

'Don't be an imbecile.' Zemo snorted. 'Nobody even knows that we're here. Not Fury. Not the Avengers. We are quite safe here for the time being.'

'Hey, do you guys hear that?' Titania muttered as she cupped her hand to her ear.

'Oh great, now the token chick's getting jumpy.' The Grim Reaper grumbled.

'Up yours, Williams.' Titania sneered. 'I can really hear something.'

'Now that you say it, so can I.' Klaw added. 'It sounds like… _Everybody down!_'

The other Masters of Evil did as they were told and dove for cover as something very big and heavy smashed through the ceiling. Once the dust had cleared, they all peeked out from their hiding places.

'Hi there.' Cain grinned cockily with his hands on his hips. 'Any of you guys wanna buy some Girl Scout Cookies?'

'It's the Juggernaut!' Blizzard squealed girlishly. 'Holy _crap!_ We're all gonna die!'

'Now, why don't _I_ ever get a reaction like that?' A now giant Bobby groused as he stomped next to Cain. 'Look, I've got the ice giant thing going on. Why don't people run in fear from me?'

'Cuz you're too damn sexy to be scary, sweetie.' Lorna reassured him as she floated next to her giant boyfriend. 'Although, you _do_ get a little scary before your early morning coffee.'

'Who doesn't?' Jeanne-Marie chuckled as she flew in beside them.

'Ex_cuse_ me!' Titania exclaimed indignantly, her hands on her hips. 'Are we going to fight here or are you guys gonna gossip like old women?'

'Right.' Cain nodded as he snapped his fingers. 'Priorities. Bring it, Red!'

**TBC…**

* * *

**Next: Masters of Evil- Part 2**

_The X-Men take on the Masters of Evil. Also, Annie has an ultimatum for Alex. Choose between her or life with the X-Men. Which one will he choose? Tune in next time to find out…_


	6. Masters of Evil: Part 2

**Uncanny X-Men**

**Chapter 6: Masters of Evil: Part 2**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to Marvel._

* * *

**Author's Notes- **_Due to the controversy that the ending of this chapter caused when I first submitted it, I have decided to totally re-write the ending. No Lady Mastermind this time. I hope you guys like the changes…_**

* * *

Juggernaut Vs Abomination-**

The wall of the Masters of Evil's secret castle hideout exploded outwards as the scaly form of the Abomination rocketed outside followed close behind by Juggernaut.

'Aww, yeah!' Juggernaut crowed triumphantly. '_That's_ what I'm talking about! I'm the freaking Hulk, baby!'

'I'll rip out your spine and beat you to death with it!' The Abomination snarled as he wiped blood from his scaly lip.

'Whatever.' Juggernaut shrugged as he swiftly kicked his opponent in the face. 'You supervillains think you're all that. But you're not!'

Elsewhere, Aurora was taking on the might of Titania.

'I've fought She-Hulk to a standstill!' Titania bellowed in a combination of arrogance and anger as she swatted at the super-fast light-generating Canadian. 'Taking care of you should be no trouble at all!'

'That's what you think, _mademoiselle._' Aurora grinned as she flew above Titania. 'You may have fought She-Hulk to a standstill, but she still kicked your backside. Every single time!'

'You shut your mouth!' Titania bellowed as she ripped a chunk of rock out from the ground and tossed it in the air. 'I'll crush you!'

'I don't think so.' Northstar responded as he flew at the irate villainess, tackling her to the ground. 'You shall be the one to get crushed!'

'Get off me!' Titania snarled as she booted Northstar in the gut. 'I'll tear you both limb-from-limb!'

'So much anger, eh _mon frere?_' Aurora teased. '_Madame_ Titania seems to have anger issues.'

'Perhaps we should help her with some therapy.' Northstar chuckled. 'Beaubier style!'

The Beaubier twins joined hands and flew at Titania as fast as they could, slamming into her with a colossal clothesline.

* * *

**Iceman and Polaris Vs Blizzard-**

'Aww, c'mon, man.' Iceman snickered as he harmlessly absorbed Blizzard's ice blast. 'How dumb is fighting a guy called Iceman with a suit that projects ice? That's freaking retarded! No wonder your rep sucks.'

'I'll show you who sucks!' Blizzard growled. 'I'll show you all!'

Blizzard spun around and froze Polaris solid in a block of ice.

'Lorna! No!' Iceman yelled. 'You bastard!'

'Now who sucks?' Blizzard chuckled as he leant against the frozen Polaris. 'Aww, yeah. Who's the man?'

Iceman just narrowed his eyes and grabbed Blizzard in a giant icy fist.

'Do you know what happens when you freeze a can of soda?' Iceman growled angrily. 'The can expands, eventually exploding. That's what I'm doing to your blood. As soon as your blood's finished freezing itself you're going to explode like a frog with a firework up its butt.'

'_No!_' Blizzard screamed. 'Don't kill me! Please! I never meant any harm! I-I just wanted a little credibility. Please don't kill me…'

'Oh please.' Iceman snorted as he dropped the defeated Blizzard. 'I'm an X-Man for crap's sake. We don't kill. Well, except for Wolverine. But that isn't my point.'

'Oh, thank God.' Blizzard sobbed. 'I'm alive…'

'That's until I defrost Polaris.' Iceman replied. 'She hates getting frozen. You'll be lucky if there's enough of you to fill a matchbox when she's finished with you.'

'I don't wanna die!' Blizzard screamed once more.

'Geez.' Iceman winced. 'Who knew bad guys could be such cowards. You make me sick, man.'

* * *

**Gambit and Rogue Vs Klaw-**

'What a revoltin' development dis is.' Gambit winced as he rolled out of the way of one of Klaw's solid sound constructs. 'Why do we get de crazy guy made out o' sound? Why don' we get de Hulk wannabe?'

'Cuz Cain had first dibs.' Rogue quipped as she manifested Colossus' armoured skin and socked the bright red dinosaur on the chin, knocking it down. 'We get whoever we get, ah guess.'

'Are you sure you should be fightin' in yo' condition though?' Gambit inquired, a little worry in his voice, as he threw a kinetically charged card at a giant red bat.

'It's not lahke ah'm gonna drop any minute now.' Rogue sighed as she somersaulted over a giant red elephant. 'Ah've got ages until the baby's due.'

'Dat's my fille.' Gambit grinned proudly. 'Always fightin' no matter what.'

'Remy, you take care of the constructs while ah take care of Klaw, 'kay?' Rogue ordered.

'You got it, cherie.' Gambit nodded as he smashed a giant red lion on the head with his staff. 'You go do yo' stuff.'

Still using Colossus' armour, Rogue barrelled through the solid sound constructs and headed for Klaw.

'You're goin' down, Klaw!' Rogue yelled as she dropkicked the villain in the face. 'The rest of the X-Men're cuttin' down yer friends like Jason Voorhees at summer camp!'

'You can't hurt me, woman.' Klaw snorted contemptuously. 'I am Klaw! I am made of solid sound! I am invincible!'

'And yer useless without yer projector hand.' Rogue grinned as she grabbed hold of the device. 'It's the only thing that's keeping yah together!'

'No!' Klaw yelled. 'You wouldn't dare!'

'Wouldn't ah?' Rogue responded, giving Klaw's sonic projector a sound tug.

'Let got of me!' Klaw demanded as he tugged back. 'You're insane, woman!'

'Most probably mah hormones.' Rogue shrugged.

'Heads up, cherie!' Gambit called as he tossed a charged card in their direction. 'Fire in de hole!'

Rogue dove for cover as Klaw's hand exploded in a shower of sparks.

'Curse you X-Men!' Klaw howled as he began to fade away. 'This isn't _oveeeeerrr…_'

* * *

**Banshee Vs Grim Reaper-**

The Grim Reaper cursed out loud as Banshee avoided yet another blow from the villain's scythe.

'Why don't you stay still?' The villain hissed. 'You're only making this harder for yourself.'

'Perhaps I could say the same thing to ye, boyo.' Banshee grinned as he flew high above his opponent's head. 'Give up before I have tae get serious.'

'I never surrendered to the Avengers and I'll never surrender to you!' The Grim Reaper yelled as he pointed his scythe hand at the Irish mutant circling above his head. 'How about you try a force blast on for size?'

Banshee narrowly avoided the blast and turned to face his opponent.

'That was a good shot, boyo.' Banshee complimented as he hovered in front of the Grim Reaper. 'But it wasnae good enough.'

'We'll see about that!' The Grim Reaper growled as he slashed at Banshee with his scythe.

Once again, Banshee avoided the deadly weapon.

'This fight is getting' old quick.' Banshee sighed as he crossed his arms. 'Please, do yuirself a favour. Give up already.'

'Never!' The Grim Reaper yelled as he charged at the Irish mutant.

Banshee was ready for this, however. He let rip with a sonic scream, sending the Grim Reaper flying backwards.

'D'ye give up now?' Banshee smirked.

'Go spit!' The Grim Reaper snarled as he struggled to stand up.

'Ye asked fer it.' Banshee sighed before letting rip with another sonic scream. This time the scream smashed through the trunk of a nearby tree, which then fell on top of the Grim Reaper, trapping him beneath its branches.

'I told ye tae give up while ye still could.' Banshee tutted as he lowered himself down to the ground. 'I did warn ye, but ye didnae listen. You villains never do.'

* * *

**Havok Vs Baron Zemo-**

Havok wasn't having much luck with his opponent, the leader of the Brotherhood of Evil: Baron Zemo. The Red Skull wannabe was a tougher opponent than Havok had already thought.

'Not so chatty now, eh mutant?' Zemo taunted as he avoided one of Havok's plasma blasts. 'I wager you thought that you would be having an easy time with me, hmm?'

'Just keep talking, Zemo.' Havok growled. 'The longer you keep talking, the sooner I can kick your ass!'

'That didn't make any sense, you imbecile!' Zemo sighed. 'Captain America never had such an antiquated way with words, and he has been around since the Second World War!'

'Antiquated or not...' Havok growled. 'I'm still going to beat you!'

'I think not.' Zemo sighed as he pulled out a gun. 'I have a gun and you do not. I win.'

'Having a gun doesn't mean that you're the winner!' Havok snorted. 'I'm _still_ going to kick your ass!'

'Again with the asskicking.' Zemo groaned. 'What is it with you and kicking people's posteriors? Do you have a fetish or anything?'

'Fetish _this!_' Havok yelled as he let rip with a colossal plasma blast. Unfortunately for him, Zemo easily avoided it.

'You seem otherwise occupied, mutant.' Zemo tutted. 'Is everything all right back home?'

'It's none of your business!' Havok yelled as he tried to blast Zemo once more, only for the villain to avoid it once again.

'Please, give up while you still have some dignity.' Zemo sighed. 'You are making a fool of yourself.'

'I'm not the one wearing a pink mask.' Havok snorted.

'It is not pink!' Zemo yelled. 'This mask is magenta!'

'Whatever.' Havok shrugged.

Havok took aim to take one last shot at Zemo with his plasma blasts. That was until an immense shadow fell across the two combatants.

'Heads up!' Juggernaut bellowed.

Havok narrowly dived out of the way before the unconscious form of Abomination fell down to earth, right on top of Baron Zemo.

'Cain!' Havok hissed. 'I almost had him there!'

'An' you were doin' so well bitchin' like old women too.' Juggernaut snorted. 'I saved yer butt, you ungrateful jerk. You might wanna work on bein' grateful.'

'You sure yo' okay, mon ami?' Gambit asked as he walked up with Rogue beside him. 'You seem a little… pissed off. Yo' were always de mellow Summers brother.'

'Is everythin' all right with Annie, hon?' Rogue asked concernedly, putting a comforting hand on the team leader's shoulder.

'Oh yeah. We're just perfect.' Havok snorted, waving Rogue's hand off. 'Now, if we're done with the chatting? Let's get out of here.'

'Hadn't we better wait f'r SHIELD or somebody tae pick these guys up?' Banshee interjected.

'Sure. Whatever.' Havok shrugged. 'Knock yourself out.'

'Are you sure you're okay, mo_nsieur Havok?_' Aurora blinked. 'You have never been this _avoir ras-le-bol._'

'Doin' who with the what now?' Juggernaut blinked.

'Pissed off.' Aurora whispered in reply. 'Havok looks like he's really pissed off.'

'Oh, right.' Juggernaut nodded. 'Gotcha. Yeah, you look rally pissed, Summers. Perhaps you'd better take somethin' when we get back. You could give yerself an ulcer or somethin'.'

'Why does everybody think that I'm pissed off?' Havok ranted. 'Is it because my girlfriend is giving me the silent treatment? Is it because everybody's treating my girlfriend like she's a total bitch? Oh wait, that's **_exactly_** why I'm pissed off.'

'There, you've got that off your chest, buddy.' Iceman nodded with a big grin. 'That's a good thing.'

'Shut up, Drake.' Havok growled, raising an accusatory finger at his teammate.

'Hey-hey-hey!' Banshee cut in before any punches could be thrown. 'Let's nae get violent here, okay? We've beaten th' Brotherhood o' Evil, there's nae need tae jump at each other's throats.'

'I'm not the one that's got a major bug up his butt.' Iceman sniffed.

'Bobby, give it a rest will ye?' Banshee sighed. 'Save it until we get home.'

* * *

**The mad bay: Later-**

Havok was still in a bad mood as we walked into the med bay only to see Annie packing up her stuff as if she was leaving.

'Annie…?' Havok blinked what're you doing?'

'I think it's pretty obvious what I'm doing, Alex.' Annie answered. 'I'm leaving.'

'But… why?' Alex sputtered.

'Don't play dumb with me, Alex.' Annie snorted. 'You very well know how the others are treating me. They're treating me like I'm the scum of the universe!'

'Well, you could act a little more hospitable towards people.' Alex responded. 'You're always insulting people, whether you intend to or not. I hope I don't need to remind you that people don't like being reminded of their shortcomings.'

'How did I knew that you'd stick up for your fellow X-Men?' Annie snorted. 'What about me, Alex? Why don't you ever stick up for _me?_ I thought you loved me.'

'I do.' Alex explained. 'But… You can't go around insulting people just because they're mutants. I thought that you'd got over your distrust of mutants.'

'Screw this.' Annie growled as she picked her box up. 'I'm going up to the room to get the last of my stuff. I don't expect you to follow me, so don't.'

Alex was powerless to do anything as Annie stormed out of the med bay.

* * *

**Alex and Annie's room-**

Annie stormed into the room that she shared with Alex and dumped her box of possessions onto the bed.

'I am so sick of this damn Institute!' Annie ranted to herself. 'I never get _any_ respect! I'm a single mother and a fulltime nurse. You'd think that I'd get some kind of recognition for that. But _noooo_, some drunken Scots woman takes my job form me. Even if she does have a Nobel Prize or something…'

Unseen by Annie, her young son, Carter, walked in to the room to see what all the fuss was about.

'Hey Mom…' Carter said. Then he noticed the case. 'Are we going somewhere?'

'We're leaving, Carter.' Annie replied. 'I'm fed up of living here. I thought that I would fit in but… I guess I was proved wrong.'

'W-we're leaving…?' Carter blinked. 'What about Alex? Is he coming with us?'

'Alex isn't coming…' Annie sighed, not even meeting her son's gaze. 'It's just you and me, Carter.'

'But… What about my friends?' carters asked. 'I don't want to leave them…'

Annie knelt down to look at her son.

'Carter, honey… I'm sorry, but we have to leave. I just don't fit in here.'

'Is it because of that fight you had with Dr MacTaggart?' Carter asked.

'That's one of the things.' Annie sighed. 'I can't believe Xavier gave her my job.'

'I'm sure it isn't like that, mom.' Carter said. 'The professor's really nice. He wouldn't do anything like that to you. Would working with Dr MacTaggart _really_ be that bad?'

'Carter's right, Annie…' Alex said as he walked in to the room. 'I'm not doubting your skills for one moment but Moira does know a hell of a lot. And who said she was going to take away your job?'

Annie couldn't argue with that. Nobody had implicitly said that Moira was there to replace her.

'Yeah, I guess you're right…' Annie sighed heavily. 'I guess I'm just being paranoid and crazy. I guess it's just that time of the month, huh?'

'You've never seen jean when it's her time of the month.' Alex shook his head as he remembered. 'Not a pretty sight.'

'I guess I'd better apologise to everybody, huh?' Annie asked sheepishly.

'I think it would be best.' Alex nodded as he sat down on the bed beside Annie and put his arm around her shoulder. 'It'll help to convince people that you're not some evil witch.'

'I really have hurt some people's feelings, haven't I?' Annie groaned. 'Poor Rahne, there was no need for me to dump on her for her choice of man. Just look at me, I'm dating a Summers.'

'Oh, real cute.' Alex rolled his eyes. 'Hey, what do you say that when we sort all this mess out we go on a trip somewhere?'

'Where are we going?' Carter asked, his little face lighting up with excitement. 'Can we go to DisneyWorld? _Please?_'

'I'm sure I might be able to manage that…' Alex smiled as he ruffled Carter's hair.

**TBC…**

* * *

**Next: Crazy Chicks**

_Bobby and Lorna go on a double date with Cain and Jeanne-Marie. The guys love the crazy chicks, right? Meanwhile, with Alex on a leave of absence, who will take over his role as team leader? Banshee? Gambit? Moira? Tune in next time to find out…_


	7. Crazy Chicks

**Uncanny X-Men**

**Chapter 7: Crazy Chicks**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **All familiar characters belong to Marvel.

* * *

**Quote of the day- **'Stupid bug, you go squish now!'

* * *

**The Xavier Institute for Higher Learning-**

It was early in the afternoon in the Xavier Institute. Lessons had finished for the week and the students were geared up for the weekend.

Two members of the X-Men weren't quite dismissed from their weekly business just yet. Lorna Dane and Jeanne-Marie Beaubier were having their weekly therapy session with Professor Xavier.

Lorna was in therapy because of her lingering anger issues after Alex left her at the altar while Jeanne-Marie still had to deal with her multiple

personalities (which had fortunately been kept dormant since her liberation from Weapon-X) and the torture she had experienced at the hands of the latest incarnation of the Weapon-X Program.

'Well, I am glad to say that you have both made excellent progress in our sessions.' Professor Xavier explained. 'But there is still the issue of your underlying dislike of Annie, Lorna.'

'Well, she did force Alex to ditch me at the altar.' Lorna responded. 'It's only natural that I'm pissed about it, don't you think?'

'Oui, I agree.' Jeanne-Marie added. 'A little anger never hurt anybody. Just as long as it is released responsibly and not by hurling scalpels at people.'

'Try to cut up a nurse and you pay for it the rest of your life.' Lorna rolled her eyes. 'But I don't think I'm as pissed as I once was. Witnessing all the death and destruction in Genosha has changed me. When I came back to the X-Men, I wasn't the same Lorna Dane that Alex fell in love with all that time ago. Plus, I think I kinda forced the wedding on him in the first place, which couldn't have helped much.'

'Very good, Lorna.' Xavier smiled. 'You have finally begun the journey down the long road of forgiveness.'

'Just don't expect any sudden changes, okay?' Lorna sighed. 'Even if I was a different woman than the one Alex fell in love with, it doesn't take away the fact that he ran out on me on our wedding day.'

'Hmm, there is that, yes.' Xavier nodded. 'Alex was wrong in doing that, but at least you have begun to forgive him.'

Xavier then turned to Jeanne-Marie.

'And Jeanne-Marie, what about you? How are the nightmares?'

'Less vivid than they once our, Monsieur.' Jeanne-Marie replied. 'My sleep has been practically undisturbed now, thanks to our therapy sessions, and

I have not seen any emergence of my other personalities.'

'I guess you've got Cain to thank for that, huh?' Lorna chuckled.

Jeanne-Marie smiled with a slight blush.

'Well… Cain has been a great help.' Jeanne-Marie nodded. 'I never knew that a man of his size could be so gentle and kind.'

'It's the same thing with Colossus, or so I've been told.' Lorna said. 'A fierce warrior in battle, but a gentle lover at home.'

'I wouldn't know about the loving part…' Jeanne-Marie chuckled. 'Cain and I have hardly even kissed, let alone made love. You do not think that I have come on too strong? Perhaps I have scared him off…'

'Your flirting has been a bit much.' Xavier nodded. 'Perhaps if you toned it down a little, then your relationship would move further more successfully.'

'You know, all that stuff with Scott and Emma started with therapy…' Lorna pointed out with a cheeky smile. 'Does that mean that we…?'

'I do not think so, Lorna.' Xavier quickly said.

'I should think not.' Jeanne-Marie agreed. 'We would not want Callisto to get jealous now, would we?'

'Callisto and I are just friends.' Xavier said evenly. 'Nothing more.'

'Sure you are, Charles…' Lorna snickered. 'Of all the people to like tentacle porn, I'd never think it would be you.'

'If we have quite finished…?' Xavier sighed. 'I believe that Sean wishes to see you and the rest of Alex's team in the War Room…'

* * *

**The War Room-**

Alex's team was sitting in the War Room waiting for Sean to begin the meeting. Alex would have taken charge but he was away with Annie.

'Now, if everybody's here?' Sean asked as he surveyed the assembled X-Men. 'Then I'd like tae start…'

Sean stopped as he saw that Lorna had her hand held up.

'Can it nae wait, Lorna?' Sean sighed. 'This meetin' is important.'

'I just want to know whether this meeting is going to be long.' Lorna told the Irish mutant. 'Cuz Jeanne-Marie have both got hot dates tonight.'

'Aww, dammit!' Bobby groaned into his hands. 'I forgot all about it!'

'You did what?' Lorna sputtered.

'Watch out…' Remy snickered. 'Here comes Hurricane Lorna.'

'Remy, shush!' Rogue hissed. 'Don't aggravate matters.'

'To answer Lorna's question…' Sean continued. 'This meetin' shouldnae take very long. Now, before Alex left for his trip wi' Annie, he told me that he thought it was time f'r a change in the team…'

'I bet you anything that I'm off the squad.' Bobby sniffed. 'I wouldn't put it past him…'

'It isnae anythin' like that, Bobby.' Sean shook his head. 'We're gathered here today to elect a new team leader.'

The assembled X-Men began to chatter excitedly. Who was going to be the new team leader…?

'Now, if I may make my suggestion…?' Sean asked. 'I think that Remy would make a great leader.'

'T'anks for de vote of confidence, mon ami…' Remy nodded. 'But I don' t'ink dat my mind would be on de game. De baby's due anytime now, an' I don' wanna jeopardize de team by worryin' about dat.'

'Well, I guess that rules you out as well, Rogue…' Sean sighed.

'Ya got that raght.' Rogue nodded. 'Ah wouldn't make a very good leader, what with all mah hormones goin' ka-ka. What about Bobby?'

Bobby held up his hands in defence.

'Whoa-whoa-whoa. Me being leader? Are you mental?'

'Well, you have been an X-Man longer than any of us gathered here.' Jean-Paul explained.

'You're a veteran too, JP.' Bobby reminded the speedster. 'Why don't you lead?'

'Because I don't want to lead, Iceman.' Jean-Paul rolled his eyes.

'I think you'd make a great leader, brother.' Jeanne-Marie added.

'Thank you, Jeanne-Marie…' Jean-Paul smiled. 'But I really have no intentions of being leader.'

'Then what about Theresa?' Lorna asked, indicating the team's newest member, fresh from her time with Deadpool and Psylocke in their detective agency. 'You co-led X-Force for a while, didn't you?'

'I was also drunk most o' the time too.' Theresa sighed. 'I dinnae think that I'd make a good leader.'

'Are ye sure, Terry?' Sean asked his daughter. 'I've heard only good things about yuir time leadin' X-Force.'

'I'm sorry, da'…' Theresa sighed. 'But I cannae accept the position.'

'I've got a crazy idea…' Cain piped up. 'Why not get Moira to lead the team? She's got authority. Nobody bad-mouths her. She's a natural!'

'I agree with the big guy.' Bobby nodded. 'Let's bring Moira in on this. Sure, she doesn't have any powers, but she can still kick ass.'

'Okay then, let's take a vote…' Sean nodded. 'Hands up who'd like tae see Moira as team leader…'

All of the assembled X-Men raised their hands in agreement. Moira MacTaggart was the new team leader!

'Right, with that all done with, I'll go tell Moira the good news.' Sean smiled. 'I'm sure Moira'll be delighted tae lead the team.'

'I'll say…' Lorna nodded. 'The woman's got balls… Figuratively speaking.'

'Hell, not even _Logan _dares to badmouth Moira.' Bobby snickered. 'You won't like Moira when she's angry.'

'Or her coffee for that matter…' Jean-Paul added. 'Have you tried that… concoction she calls coffee?'

'I don' have a death wish, mon ami.' Remy shivered. 'I've heard stories 'bout Moira's coffee…'

'I may be unstoppable, but not even _I _can take Moira's coffee.' Cain shuddered. 'You could strip paint with that gunk.'

'Oh, I don't know…' Jeanne-Marie shrugged. 'I don't think Moira's coffee is all that bad.'

The assembled X-Men all looked at the Canadian mutant with disbelief.

Jeanne-Marie just smiled back innocently.

'What? I use it to clean the bath. Really…'

**TBC…**

* * *

**Next: Double Date Trouble**

_Cain, Jeanne-Marie, Bobby and Alex go on their double date. Unfortunately, some Sentinels may just make the date their last!_


	8. Double Date Trouble: Part 1

**Uncanny X-Men**

**Chapter 8: Double Date Trouble- Part 1**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to Marvel._

* * *

**Somewhere in upstate New York-**

Somewhere in upstate New York, there was a top-secret robotics laboratory. Scientists were inspecting their latest work, the latest breed of mutant-hunting Sentinels. However, these people weren't working for the military or the US Government, they were working for a private organization.

'How are the tests going?' A guy wearing a skull-like white mask, white hooded cloak, a blue bodysuit, and white gloves and boots demanded to know. It was Taskmaster, infamous trainer of mercenaries all around the world. 'The boss sent me to check up on you guys. I hope you're making the grade. You know how he hates to be disappointed.'

'E-everything is going to plan…' The lead tech guy stammered at the sight of the imposing figure standing before him. 'The subjects should be online momentarily.'

'Good, good.' Taskmaster nodded. 'I'll go give him the good news.'

Taskmaster pressed his finger to his hear, activating his mask's inbuilt communicator device.

'Boss, it's Taskmaster… The overgrown tinker toys are almost ready.'

'Ah, excellent news…' A cultured voice answered. 'Our plans will soon reach fruition.'

'Where d'you wanna strike first, boss?' Taskmaster asked. 'Avengers Mansion? The Xavier Institute? Howsabout Nelson and Murdock? Those lawyers really piss me off…'

'No, I do not think that will be necessary.' Taskmaster's boss replied. 'But I do think a test is in order. Let the Sentinels loose in Manhattan. We will see which heroes step up to the challenge. We never know, it may be the X-Men.'

'Wishful thinking, huh boss?' Taskmaster chuckled.

* * *

**Manhattan-**

The streets of Manhattan were bustling with night time activity. People were going in and out of the various clubs and theatres that existed there. Four such partygoers were Cain Marko, Jeanne-Marie Beaubier, Bobby Drake, and Lorna Dane, also known as Juggernaut, Aurora, Iceman, and Polaris of the X-Men.

'Well, it's certainly nice to have some quiet time away from the mansion.' Bobby grinned as he walked arm-in-arm with Lorna. 'No Scott getting a stick up his butt and ordering us around…'

'… No Nurse Annie trying to steal husbands…' Lorna added.

'Now Lorna, what have we told you about making fun of Annie?' Bobby frowned slightly.

'We like it?' Lorna guessed, smiling innocently.

'No…' Bobby shook his head. 'Haven't your therapy session taught you anything?'

'Well, I do know that the chairs in Charles's office need to be more comfortable.' Lorna shrugged.

'Tell me about it…' Jeanne-Marie agreed with a grunt, rubbing her lower back. 'My back _still_ hurts. You would think that somebody with as much money as the Professor could afford some comfortable chairs.'

'But we all know that Chuck blows all his cash on shiny stuff for his new beau.' Cain snickered.

'Oh, that's just lovely…' Bobby groaned. 'Again with Chuck and the tentacle porn. _Brrrr__…_'

'As if I wasn't mentally scared enough…' Lorna shook her head.

'I have enough crap in my head without that image, _merci._' Jeanne-Marie stuck her tongue out in disgust.

'Come to think of it, I really don't need to think of my stepbrother doing that…' Cain shook his head.

'Can we _please_ change the subject?' Bobby winced. 'You guys are messing with my head!'

'Sentinels!' Cain yelled.

'I don't think that's an appropriate subject for conversation, do you?' Bobby sighed.

'No, you idiot…' Lorna hissed. 'Look!'

Bobby looked up in the sky and his eyes narrowed at the sight.

'Oh, right. _Those_ Sentinels.'

'_Please_ tell me we get to smash them.' Jeanne-Marie cracked her knuckles in preparation.

Lorna just answered that as she lashed out with her magnetic powers, crushing one of the Sentinel's heads inwards.

'I think that answers your question.' Cain smirked as he ripped a lamppost out of the ground and threw it at another Sentinel like a spear.

'Where the hell did these things come from, anyway?' Bobby hissed as he iced himself up and froze the foot of yet another Sentinel. The sentinel tried to move forwards, but its leg shattered at the knee.

'_Timberrrrrr!_' Jeanne-Marie yelled as she zipped out of the way super-fast and grabbed some gawping civilians that were standing right in the way.

'Don't you people have somewhere better to be?' Aurora scolded them. 'Don't you know better than to stand in the middle of a fight with giant killer robots?'

The civilians just stood there and stared at the ranting Canadian with wide-open mouths.

'Perhaps they're tourists.' Lorna suggested as she impaled another Sentinel on a lamppost. 'They look French. French people are ignorant, right?'

'Why do I even bother?' Jeanne-Marie threw up her arms in exasperation.

* * *

**Elsewhere-**

A shadowy figure grinned as he watched the developing fight between the four X-Men and the squad of Sentinels.

'Did the tech boys come through, or what?' Taskmaster grinned proudly. 'When Taskmaster says he'll give you top-class tech boys, he _gives _you top-class tech boys!'

'I don't know why we didn't just send in my Hellions.' A feminine voice sniffed. 'They would have made a better job than these primitive machines.'

'Well _excuse_ me, Your Majesty.' Taskmaster bowed mockingly.

'You had best mind your manners, human…' The female sneered. 'I did not take such impudence from my underlings when I was Majestrix, and I will not take it now.'

'Will you two fools _please_ shut up?' A Germanic-accented voice groused. 'You are giving me a headache.

'Bite me, Adolf.' Taskmaster sneered.

'My name is _Baron_ Helmu…'

'Yeah, like I care…' Taskmaster waved the guy away. 'Go polish your jackboots or something, _mein herr._'

'You are all bickering children.' Another feminine voice sighed. 'When I accepted the offer to join this group, I did not expect to baby-sit wailing infants. It is demeaning of someone of my stature.'

'Shut up, all of you.' The shadowy figure growled as he turned around in his chair. 'Such behaviour is not befitting of the new Hellfire Club! Okay, it was when Donald Pierce was a member, but it isn't now…'

'I apologize most profoundly, Mr Shaw.' The raven-haired immortal known only as Umar bowed her head.

'I also apologize.' The magenta-masked figure of Baron Zemo bowed. 'It is just that I am used to more… agreeable colleges.'

'This may not be the Thunderbolts, dear Baron…' Sebastian Shaw replied. 'But we sure do intend to change the world. That is why I have assembled you all here. Umar: sister of the Dread Dormammu, Baron Helmut Zemo: Thirteenth heir to the Zemo name, Deathbird of the Shi'Ar and Taskmaster: infamous trainer of assassins and mercenaries. We are the new Hellfire Club, and we are here to stay!'

'Wow, the cripple sure likes to hear himself talk…' Taskmaster muttered under his breath.

Shaw spun around in his wheelchair to glare at the mercenary.

'You had best watch that mouth, Taskmaster…' Shaw warned. 'Or do you wish to end up like the other members of the Hellfire Club who have angered me?'

'I'm good.' Taskmaster shrugged.

Shaw then turned back to the monitor screen to carry on watching the fight between the X-Men and the Sentinels.

'The X-Men will soon pay for crippling me…' **(1) **Shaw muttered to himself. 'But I will get my revenge. Oh yes, I shall get my revenge. The X-Men will be sure of that…'

Shaw snapped out of his mutterings and turned to regard Deathbird.

'Deathbird, my dear, how goes the Hellions' training?'

'Better than I first expected.' The rogue Shi'Ar explained. 'Thanks to Taskmaster, my Hellions are the most highly-trained team of operatives that the Hellfire Club has ever seen.'

'Excellent.' Shaw smiled. 'Baron Zemo, what of your team?'

'Boomerang, Constrictor, Scorpion, and Electro have already professed an interest in joining my squad.' Zemo explained. 'I should be hearing back from Agent Zero and Terraxia momentarily.'

'Good, good.' Shaw smiled. 'And Umar, what of you assignment?'

'The Doppelganger spider has proved to rather… problematic.' Umar explained. 'but my Mindless Ones will soon work that out of him. My other underlings are trying to locate Bullseye's **(2) **remains as we speak.'

'Our plans will soon come to fruition.' Shaw smiled. 'It is only a short amount of time until the Hellfire Club will rule once more!'

**TBC…**

* * *

Next: Double Date Trouble- Part 2

_Yes, the fight was a little short, but that was only a little warm-up for what is yet to come. Just what have Sebastian Shaw and the new Hellfire Club got planned for the X-Men? Look out for future chapters of my other X-Men fics to find out. Check out future chapters of '_Uncanny Deadpool' _for more from Taskmaster, chapters of '_Uncanny New Mutants' _for more from the Hellions, chapters of '_Uncanny XSE' _for more from Deathbird, chapters of '_Uncanny New X-Men' _for more from Bullseye and the gang of mercenaries, and the next chapter of this very fic for the rest of the fight with the Sentinels._

* * *

**Author's Notes-**

**(1)- **_Pete Wisdom threw Sebastian Shaw out of a window in '_Uncanny New Mutants'_. That's why Shaw is in a wheelchair._

**(2)- **_A newly-resurrected Karen Page shot Bullseye in the head in '_Uncanny Daredevil'


	9. Double Date Trouble: Part 2

**Uncanny X-Men**

**Chapter 9: Double Date Trouble- Part 2**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to Marvel._

* * *

**Manhattan-**

Bobby Drake, Lorna Dane, Cain Marko, and Jeanne-Marie Beaubier weren't in the best of moods. The had come to Manhattan for a romantic double date. Unfortunately, the date was ruined when a load of robotic Sentinels dropped in on them and promptly began to smash up the place with little or no consideration for innocent civilians.

Cain grunted under the strain as he caught a falling Sentinel that threatened to crush a pair of screaming passers-by.

'Well, whatta ya standin' there for?' Cain grunted. 'Get outta here! This ain't no place ta just stand around gapin' like idiots!'

The two passers-by did as they were told, and quickly ran off.

'Ooh, I love it when a man is so dominant.' Jeanne-Marie giggled as she flew straight at a Sentinel, smashing a gaping hole in its chest. 'It is _trez _sexy!'

'Now really isn't the time for flirting, JM.' Bobby pointed out as he ran another Sentinel through with a giant spike of ice. 'Can't you leave that kind of stuff until we get back home?'

'Oh, I don't know about that...' Lorna smirked as she crushed yet another Sentinel's head with her magnetic powers. 'I find that flirting during battle kind of clears my head.'

Bobby just his head with regret.

'And I willingly _choose_ to date you?' The X-Man known as Iceman groaned. 'Mind to tell me why?'

'Because it really pisses Alex off?' Lorna shrugged.

'Will you idiots _please_ shut up?' Cain groused as he piled through more Sentinels. 'Now ain't the time fer gossipin' like old women! I like trash-talkin' as much as the next X-Man, but we're in a life an' death situation here!'

'Geez, sorry for breathing.' Bobby rolled his eyes. 'Where the hell did these things come from, anyway?'

'Who cares?' Lorna remarked as she tore a Sentinel in half with a magnetic wave. 'It's most probably some top-secret government thingy trying to wipe out mutants. Again!'

'Gotta love Operation: Zero Tolerance.' Bobby sighed.

The fight's levity soon disappeared as one of the Sentinel's grabbed Jeanne-Marie in its giant hand.

'Cain! Help me! I cannot get free!'

Cain growled in anger. Nobody laid a hand on his woman! Especially not some overgrown toaster oven!

'Get away from my woman, you robotic bastard!' Cain bellowed as he charged forward. Unfortunately, the Sentinel was ready for that attack. Robotic coils shot out from the Sentinel's free hand and wrapped themselves around Cain's body.

'Aww, dammit!' Cain growled as he struggled to escape the Sentinel's clutches. 'Adamantium! I _hate_ adamantium!'

'Fear not, my friends, for Polaris is here!' Lorna grinned as she flew towards the Sentinel. 'I don't suppose that there's any chance that we could negotiate, is there?'

The Sentinel's face showed absolutely no emotion as it blasted Lorna with laser beams form its eyes.

'_LORNA!_' Bobby yelled as he rushed forwards to catch his girlfriend's falling form. 'I swear, if she's dead...'

Bobby's threats were cut short as the a high-pitched scream split the air. The Sentinel's chest exploded outwards as the familiar green-and-yellow uniformed form of Banshee flew through the newly-created hole.

Siryn quickly grabbed hold of Lorna's arms before she could fall to her death.

'It's about time you guys showed up.' Bobby remarked as the rest of the team arrived. 'I was starting to think that we would have to fight these things on our own.'

'It is always good to find out that we are welcome, _Monsieur Drake._' Northstar chuckled out as he ran up beside Bobby with Jeanne-Marie safely held in his arms.

'I thought the government decommissioned these things.' Theresa scratched her head. 'Dinnae tell me that they went an' rebuilt more of 'em.'

'I don' t'ink dat dese t'ings are government-made, _petite._' Gambit told the Irish mutant as he examined one of the fallen Sentinel's feet.

'Shaw Industries.' Sean recognised the etched logo. 'I knew that it was only a matter o' time bef're he showed his face again.'

'Who's Shaw?' Cain blinked. 'That fruit with the ponytail?'

'Aye, that's him.' Moira nodded as she gave Lorna a quick medical examination. 'S'funny, I thought Wisdom chucked him out o' a window in Paris.'

'Stranger things have happened, Doctor MacTaggart.' Jean-Paul pointed out. 'Like my sister dating Cain, for example.'

'I am glad to hear that you approve, Jean-Paul.' Jeanne-Marie rolled her eyes. 'So... are these things beaten? Are there any more of them?'

'Doesnae look like it.' Moira answered as she looked around. 'We'd better get back tae the Institute. Lorna took a pretty bad knock back there.'

'But she'll live, right?' Bobby asked hopefully. 'No permanent damage?'

'Dinnae worry so much. Bobby.' Moira smiled gently. 'Lorna'll live. She'll be up an' around gettin' up tae shenanigans with ye in nae time at all.'

Bobby sighed in relief as he carefully carried Lorna into the waiting X-Jet.

'Hey Gambit, where's Rogue?' Bobby looked back at the Cajun mutant. 'I woulda thought that she'd be the first one here to kick some Sentinel butt.'

'Search me, _mon ami_.' Remy shrugged. 'De fille just said dat she had to go see someone. Didn't say who though.'

'_Ooooh. _That's a mystery all right.' Bobby teased. 'D'you think she's got a fancy man on the side?'

Remy shot Bobby a withering glare. Moira smacked him upside the head.

'How can ye possibly say that, Robert Drake?' Moira frowned. 'Ye know perfectly well that Rogue only has eyes f'r Remy. Now get yuir arse sat down before I sit ye down!'

'Yes ma'am.' Bobby did as he was told. Everybody knew that it wasn't wise to upset Moira MacTaggart.

* * *

**Meanwhile-**

Rogue was beyond nervous. Earlier that day, she had received a note. It wasn't a goofily romantic love letter from Remy, as she had hoped, no. It was a note from somebody that she had long hoped to never see again. Whoever had sent the note had wanted to see her. That was why Rogue was in Salem Centre. The stranger wanted to meet her in Harry's Hideaway, the bar that the X-Men often went to whenever they had some downtime. Ororo was more than happy to look after Baby Marie while Rogue went to meet this person.

Rogue stepped into the bar and looked around for any familiar faces. The stranger said that they would be wearing a red shirt with a golden necklace shaped like a crescent moon.

Rogue narrowed her eyes as she finally recognized such a women as the letter described. An attractive blonde woman was sitting in a nearby booth wearing a red blouse and a crescent moon necklace.

Rogue walked over and slammed the note on the table and glared at the woman.

'What the hell do yah think yah playin' at?' Rogue growled angrily. 'Don't yah know that it's illegal to harass people through the post? Give meh one reason why ah shouldn't kick yah butt right here!'

The blonde women wasn't shaken in the least by Rogue's actions. She simply looked back at her with a nonchalant expression.

'What, don't I get a hug?'

The colour left Rogue's face as she recognised something in the woman's eyes.

'_You...!_'

**TBC...**

* * *

**Next: Unusual Requests**

_Who is the mysterious stranger, and what does she want with Rogue? Tune in next time to find out._

_Also, check out the rest of the '_Days of Hellfire' _arc in my other X-Fics. Deathbird kidnaps Bishop in '_Uncanny XSE'_, Deadpool, Psylocke, Cannonball, and Siryn take on Taskmaster in '_Uncanny Deadpool'_, Rahne's team takes on the All-New Hellions in '_Uncanny New Mutants'_, and Scott's team takes the fight to Sebastian Shaw in '_Uncanny New X-Men'.


	10. Unusual Requests

**The Uncanny X-Men**

**Chapter 10: Unusual Requests**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to Marvel. Sidney belongs to todd fan._

* * *

**R-Man's Random Fact- **_Rogue's birth parents used to be hippies._

* * *

**Harry's Hideaway-**

_'You!' _Rogue spluttered as she saw the eyes of the blonde woman momentarily turn yellow. 'You've got a real nerve comin' here! Why, ah should toss yah ass in jail!'

'What? Don't I get a hug?' The mysterious blonde grinned cockily. 'Can't a woman come to say hello to her daughter without being threatened with bodily harm?'

'Yah deserve a lot more than bodily harm, Mystique.' Rogue sneered at her estranged foster mother. 'Yah've got so many X-Men after yah blood that it ain't funny.'

'I never claimed it was, dear.' Mystique admired her nails nonchalantly. 'Now, do you want to listen to what I have to say, or are you going to carry on with threatening your dear old mother?'

Rogue held her head in her hands and let out a groan.

'Ah know that ah'm probably gonna regret this...' The Southern Belle groaned. 'But... Ah guess ah'd better hear what yah've got tah say. Just as long as you don't wanna join the X-Men. Cuz that would be dumb.'

Mystique cocked an eyebrow at her foster daughter's comments.

Rogue's face fell.

'Oh, hell no. You cannot be serious...'

'Times change, darling.' Mystique pointed out. 'A great darkness is coming. A crisis of infinite proportions. And I just want to be with my daughter when it hits the fan.'

'Irene have one of her visions again?' Rogue asked.

'Pretty much.' Mystique nodded. 'The usual. Apocalyptic events. People die. Yadda-yadda-yadda. Now can I join the X-Men?'

'Yah gonna need more than an apocalyptic prophecy tah join the X-Men, Mystique.' Rogue sighed tiredly. 'How do ah know that this ain't some plan to get close enough to the Professor to kill him? That's what y'all were doin' when we last met.' **(1)**

'Have I ever lied to you before?' Mystique smiled innocently.

Rogue shot her foster mother a withering glare, which made the shapeshifter fidget uncomfortably.

'Never mind.' Mystique sighed. 'So... About this kid you had with the Cajun...'

'Her name is Marie.' Rogue pointed out. 'And you ain't goin' anywhere near her!'

'But... I'm her grandmother.' Mystique responded. 'Well, foster grandmother. But that's not my point.'

'Just gimmie one reason why ah should trust yah.' Rogue narrowed her eyes angrily.

'Perhaps I might be able to convince you?' A gentle voice piped up behind Rogue.

Rogue's eyes widened in surprise as the sound of the voice. It was a voice belonging to someone that she had long thought to be dead.

'I-Irene...?' Rogue asked, her voice choked up in emotion. 'Is it really you?'

'The one and only, my dear.' The mutant precog, and Mystique's lover, known as Destiny nodded.

'W-what are y'all doin' here?' Rogue stammered, barely believing her eyes. 'And... Why are y'all so young?'

'The benefits of being resurrected by the Hellfire Club, I guess.' Irene smiled as she took a seat beside Mystique.

'See? I told you I wasn't lying.' Mystique said, gently patting Irene on the hand. 'Go on, Irene. Tell Rogue what you saw in your vision.'

'Dark times are indeed coming, Rogue. Just as Raven said.' Irene began. 'There will be a crisis. People will die. That is... unless we stop it before it can even begin.'

'And just what is this crisis y'all are talkin' about?' Rogue asked. 'Yah need a little more than hyperbole an' hearsay tah convince me.'

'That is all I can give you, I'm afraid.' Irene sighed sadly. 'The only other thing that I can tell you is that it has something to do with the children.'

Rogue stood up off her seat and slammed her fist onto the table.

'Something's gonna happen to Marie?' Rogue could barely believe her ears. 'What's gonna happen? Y'all have to tell meh! What's gonna happen to mah little baby?'

'I... do not know.' Irene admitted ashamedly. 'My visions are not exact in every detail. A lot of the time they are cryptic. I wish that I could offer you more, but...'

'No, that's enough...' Rogue shook her head. 'Y'all have got me convinced. Just as long as this ain't any threat against mah daughter.'

'Rogue, darling...' Mystique reached out to put a comforting hand on her foster daughter's arm, but thought better of it. 'I may have done a lot of bad things in my lifetime, but I would never hurt my family.'

'Y'all coulda fooled me.' Rogue sniffed dismissedly.

* * *

**Mutant Town, meanwhile-**

Meanwhile, in the district of New York set aside solely for mutants, a former member of the Brotherhood of Mutants was enjoying his 'retirement'.

Mortimer Toynbee, also known as the high-kicking mutant Toad, was trying to make it straight. He had quit the Brotherhood after their latest defeat at the hands of the X-Men. **(2) **Mort was fed up of being treated like a lackey. He had been treated the same ever since he hooked up with Magneto's original Brotherhood all those years ago. Exodus was even worse. Mort was glad that the self-proclaimed mutant Messiah was rotting in the Vault. Besides, Exodus' claims of being the mutant Messiah were a load of crap anyway. Everybody knew that Cable was the mutant Messiah. Exodus was just a very naughty boy.

Mort's life had been going great ever since he had been released from prison on good behaviour. He had rented himself an apartment in Mutant Town. Okay, the place was by no means the Ritz, but Mort made do. Mort had even met a nice woman. Her name was Sidney Cagney. Sidney was also a mutant. Sidney had the ability to change her shape into any feline that she wished. She could also communicate with felines as well, in any form. Sidney's body was covered in tabby-striped fur. She also had a tail, and the various other accoutrements of a normal cat. her long black hair had a white stripe running through it. Sidney was slightly near-sighted, so she often wore a pair of red-framed glasses.

Mort had originally met Sidney in Wannabees, a nightclub in Mutant Town. Sidney was working as a singer with the club's band. okay, technically they had first met when Mort saved Sidney from a gang of mutant-hating muggers. God knows what would have happened to Sidney if Mort hadn't been there to save her.

As you could guess, Mort and Sidney's relationship went on from there. Gentle friendship soon grew into romance. Now they were sharing an apartment. Nothing could possibly spoil Mort's life now. Nothing at all.

Mort let out a reluctant groan as he got up off the couch and looked over at the clock hanging on his wall. Sidney would be beginning her set over at Wannabees now. What sort of supporting boyfriend would Mort be if he wasn't there to watch Sidney play?

Mort hopped off the couch and grabbed his coat, before checking that he had enough cash. Okay, perhaps Wannabees was full of dumb old Flatscans that dressed up and pretended to be mutants, but their home brew was to die for. Even if it was made from the bodily secretions of the club's owner.

Once Mort was sure that he had everything that he needed, he hopped out the door and headed for Wannabees. Tonight sure was going to be a great night.

Unseen by the bodacious bouncing former Brotherhood member, he was being watched. High up above Mort's head, somebody was watching him through a pair of binoculars. The man was dressed head-to-toe in white. His head was covered in a white mask that only left his eyes bare. A long white leather trenchcoat flapped behind him in the wind. The man's name was Fantomex. Born and bred as part of the Weapon-X Program, Fantomex had made his way in the world as an internationally renowned thief.

'Ah, so we meet again, Toad.' Fantomex muttered to himself in a faux French accent. 'However, you will not get away from me so easily as you did the last time we met. **(3) **Fantomex always makes sure that he finishes what he starts...'

**TBC...**

* * *

**Next: When Hell Freezes Over**

_Will Mystique be accepted into the X-Men? What will Rahne, Moira, and Rahne think? What about Kurt? How will he feel if and when his mother joins the X-Men? And what about Toad? Why is Fantomex after him? Tune in next time to stand out..._

* * *

**Author's Notes-**

**(1)- **_Rogue and Mystique last met in Mystique #23. She did indeed try to bump off Xavier. _

**(2)- **_The Brotherhood's last defeat at the hands of the X-Men was in Chapter 7 of '_Uncanny XSE'

**(3)- **_Fantomex 'met' Toad in New X-Men #150. He shot poor Mort in the kneecaps. You can bet that Sidney will be pissed when she finds out..._


	11. When Hell Freezes Over

**The Uncanny X-Men**

**Chapter 11: When Hell Freezes Over**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to Marvel. Sidney and her band members belong to Todd Fan. Phil Brundle is mine._

* * *

**R-Man's Random Fact- **_I wear Size 8 shoes._

* * *

**The Xavier Institute for Higher Learning-**

Rogue had gathered all of the senior members of the X-Men in the War Room. Mystique's claims that some kind of crisis was coming could not be ignored. Mystique herself was currently sitting in a cell one level below. Irene was keeping an eye on her. But it was decided that the shapeshifting mutant terrorist should be guarded by one of the X-Men as well. Chamber and Northstar had been elected to guard her.

'So, you guys got a deck of cards handy?' Mystique asked as she leant against the wall of her cell. 'I fancy a game of strip poker.'

_'No ta._' Jono replied, not even turning to look at Mystique. 'Some of us have got _better taste._'

'I would not play strip poker with you, even if I was straight!' Jean-Paul added dismissedly with a scowl. 'Now, keep quiet. The other X-Men are discussing your request.'

'Call me a pessimist, but I kind of doubt that they'll let me join up.' Mystique muttered to herself. 'Although, how do they let people like Juggernaut and Deadpool join up?'

_'Wade ain't ever killed anybody that we ever cared about._' Jono reminded the mutant terrorist. _'Not to mention that we kinda felt sorry for the poor bloke, brain like Swiss cheese and all. Yer lucky that we managed to get ya down here before Rahne got her hands on ya._'

'That girl has a serious temper.' Jean-Paul nodded in agreement. 'She most probably inherited it from Doctor MacTaggart, even if they do not share the same blood.'

_'She certainly inherited the ability to make crappy coffee_.' Jono joked. _'Have you tried any of that stuff?'_

'I like to think that I know better.' Jean-Paul shook his head.

Back in her cell, Mystique rolled her eyes at the sound of the two X-Men's chatter.

'What's taking them so long?' Mystique muttered. 'They should have made a decision by now...'

* * *

**The War Room-**

'Now way! No _bloody_ way!' Rahne threw up her hands with an angry growl. 'I'm no' havin' that... _monster _anywhere near my children!'

'Rahne, that _monster_ is my mother.' Kurt reminded the Scottish werewolf. 'Could we not give her the benefit of the doubt?'

'Oh, ye _would_ say that, Kurt.' Rahne snorted in derision. 'Ye were always so... _forgiving!_'

'I'd have to agree with Kurt.' August piped up. 'Just look at it this way, if my mother can reform herself, surely Mystique can as well.'

'Tell that tae Kid Razor, August!' Rahne snapped. 'He still doesnae trust Selene! Lookwhat she did tae him over the years! A lot o' people died because of her, and his home was nearly destroyed at least more than once. He'd see it my way if he were here!'

'I think that where Mystique is concerned, Razor could care less what she does.' August sighed.

'Just look how many former enemies have joined the X-Men.' Piotr added to august's argument. 'Cain and Wade have more then proved themselves to be valuable allies.'

'I cannae believe that I'm hearin' this!' Rahne held her head in her hands. 'Yuir actually votin' tae let Mystique join the X-Men? She killed Moira fer Christ's sake!'

'I think that's a moot point, Rahne.' Moira told her foster daughter. 'Seein' that I'm alive again an' all.'

'But that doesnae take away the pain that I felt when ye died in the first place.' Rahne shook her head sadly. 'It was one o' the worst days in my life. Anyway, how can ye even _entertain_ the thought o' lettin' her join anyway? She was the one that killed ye in the first place!'

'How can ye no' be thinkin' o' the wee ones?' Moira responded. 'Mystique's claims seemed tae be genuine.'

'Just wait until she ends up kidnapping the kids.' Scott added. 'You won't be so sure of her then.'

'Scott!' Jean hissed at her husband. 'How can you say such a thing? If Little Rachel is in danger, we have to assume that Mystique's claims are true.'

'As much as ah hate tah admit it, ah agree with Jean.' Rogue nodded. 'If our kids are in danger, we have tah find out what that kind of trouble is!'

'I'm wit' you all de way, cherie.' Remy patted Rogue's hand with a reassuring smile. 'I say dat we let Mystique join de X-Men.'

'Yuir makin' a mistake, I'll tell ye this now.' Rahne shook her head.

Professor X steepled his fingers under his chin.

'Hmm. This is quite a compelling conundrum. I suggest that Mystique is given probationary membership until a more concrete decision can be made.'

Rahne threw her arms up into the air with another angry growl and stormed out of the room.

'Rahne...' Warlock stepped forward to try and calm his wife, but Sean put her hand on his arm, preventing him from doing so.

'Let her be f'r now, boyo.' The Irish mutant said. 'If Rahne is anythin' like her foster ma, she'll calm herself down in no time.'

Warlock shook his head and sighed heavily.

'I hope you're right, Sean. I hope you're right...'

* * *

**Wannabees-**

Mort was sitting beside the bar in wannabees patiently waiting for his girlfriend's band to come on stage.

'Hey Mort, glad to _zzzsee_ that your turned up!' A voice buzzed. '_Zzzsidney izzzs _one hell of a _zzzsinger!_'

Mort nodded to himself with a slight smile.

'Thanks, Phil. I'll make sure that I'll tell her.'

Phil Brundle was a mutant. Not one of those flashy superhero types that had lasers coming out of his eyes or indestructible metal skin, far from it. Phil Brundle was a human fly. As soon as poor old Phil had hit thirteen, his face fell off to replaced by that of a fly, complete with two big yellow multi-faceted eyes. He was also endowed with two pairs of transparent wings. Unfortunately, Phil had also developed the rather disconcerting habit of vomiting on his foot.

Phil rubbed the back of his hands together as the barman gave him his usual.

Mort turned away with a wince. As much as he liked Phil, he really didn't need to see a guy vomiting in his drink.

Fortunately for Mort's last meal, a guitar riff announced that Sidney was about to appear on stage.

Mort got to his feet and hollered and clapped as Sidney began her set.

Sidney doubled as the group's lead singer, as well as its guitar player. Then there was Draco on drums. His real name was Peter Dickinson, but due to his ability to transform into a copper-coloured dragon, he chose to go by the name Draco. Eban Alvers on bass. Eban had a mutant ability similar to that of the X-Man Colossus, but, instead of changing his skin into indestructible steel, Eban could change his skin into a grey rock-like substance, which was just as durable. Puck Crisp was on backing vocals alongside Domani Daniels. Puck was a blonde-haired punk girl that had the ability to manipulate electricity. Domani meanwhile, was a relatively shy young woman with jet black hair. Here eyes were dark-coloured. So much so in fact that her irises were practically indistinguishable from her pupils. Domani had the mutant ability to manipulate shadows.

Mort watched on as Sidney began her first song. It was a cover version of '_I Believe In A Thing Called Love' _by the Darkness.

Unseen by Mort, a trenchcoat-wearing figure skulked through the crowd.

It would have been foolish for Fantomex to attack Toad in a club full of innocent bystanders. Besides, his client wasn't paying him for collateral damage. All the mysterious client wanted was Toad, skinned and mounted on his wall.

Fantomex sighed heavily. All this rock music was giving him a headache. The sooner his prey left the club, the sooner he could collect his fee. That was if his brain didn't start to leak through his ears...

**TBC...**

* * *

**Next: Reckoning**

_The impossible has finally happened and Mystique has joined the X-Men. But there is still the matter of a vengeful Wolfsbane. Also, Fantomex continues on his hunt for Toad. _


	12. Reckoning

**The Uncanny X-Men **

**Chapter 12: Reckoning**

**By **

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer-** _All familiar characters belong to Marvel. Sidney and her teammates belong to todd fan. Phil Brundle and any other OCs are mine._

* * *

**The Xavier Institute For Higher Learning-**

Down in the lower levels of the X-Mansion, Jono and Jean-Paul were still on guard duty. Thankfully, Mystique had been a most gracious guests. Apart from the occasional innuendo, the mutant terrorist had kept to herself.

Jono nodded his head to Jean-Paul as he heard the door to the cells.

'Ey up, change of duty.' Jono pointed out. 'About time too, if you ask me.'

'I don't think Rahne is here to relieve us of our duty.' Jean-Paul shook his head.

'Out.' The angry Scottish werewolf growled as she headed for Mystique's cell.

Jean-Paul stepped in front of the cell, blocking Rahne's way.

'I can't let you go in there, Rahne.' Jean-Paul shook his head apologetically. 'We all know how you feel about Mystique.'

'I wilnae tell ye again...' Rahne bared her teeth in anger. '_Get out._'

'We'd better do what she says, guv.' Jono warned. 'Until we get some help, that is. I don't wanna tangle with an angry werewolf on my own.'

'I'd have to agree with you there.' Jean-Paul nodded. 'let's get Xavier...'

Once the two mutants had left the room, Rahne locked the door behind them. She then walked over to a security camera and ripped out the wire from the back of it.

In her cell, Mystique stood up and watched Rahne approach her.

'I take it you're not here as a goodwill offering.' Mystique stated.

'How perceptive of ye.' Rahne flexed her claws with a sniff.

'You gonna let me out of here so we can get down to the nitty-gritty?' Mystique asked. 'Everybody knows that you wanna give me a good pounding for what I did to the MacTaggart woman. So, let's get on with it. I'm ready to rumble if you are.'

'And that's what ye'd like me tae do, is it?' Rahne asked. 'D'ye _really_ wanna have a fight?'

'I heard what you did to dear, old Feral.' **(1)** Mystique replied. 'I wanna see if you're all that. You used to be such a meek little girly-girl, but now you're supposed to be some kind of badass. I bet that's just a load of bull. You don't have it in you to kill me.'

Rahne leant closer, her furry face mere inches from the energy field that kept Mystique imprisoned in the cell.

'Oh, I've got in in me, alright.' Rahne growled. 'But I dinnae want tae kill ye. Not yet anyway. I just came here tae tell ye one thing. You screw up, an' I'll be the first there tae get m' pound o' flesh.'

Mystique wasn't impressed in the least. She had been threatened by much more vicious people and barely batted an eyelid.

'Take a number and get in line.' Mystique stated. 'I've got a lot of enemies, kid so don't make yourself out to be my nemesis. You're not the Captain Kirk to my Kahn. Not by a long shot.'

'We'll see.' Rahne shook her head with a bitter laugh. 'We'll just see about that.'

Mystique leant against the wall and admired her nails nonchalantly.

'Say, I don't suppose the Powers That Be have actually made their decision yet, have they?'

Rahne sneered in disgust. She could barely believe it herself.

'Yuir part o' the X-Men now. Yuir on probationary status, so dinnae mess it up or I'll be there. An' remember one thing, yuir arse is mine.'

Mystique just grinned cheekily back at Rahne.

'Why Wolfsbane, I didn't even know that you were in to that kind of thing. Well, you know what they say, it's always the quiet ones...'

* * *

**Wannabees-**

Mort watched on enraptured as Sidney and her band completed their set. The present song was a rendition of '_All the Small Things' _by Blink-182.

Sidney put down her guitar and picked up the microphone.

'Thank you, Wannabees. You rock!'

The audience whooped and hollered in reply. It was obvious that they wanted more.

'The band and I would really like to play an encore, but we really have to get going. We will be signing autographs afterwards, though.'

Sidney blew her adoring fans a kiss as she headed backstage. Mort followed.

'That was a great set, luv.' Mort said as two burly security guys who looked suspiciously like sharks let him pass. 'You really knocked 'em dead.'

Sidney beamed happily at the sound of her boyfriend's voice.

'Mort!' Sidney yelped happily as she enveloped him in a great big hug. 'I didn't think that you would have made it!'

'Of course I would have made it here.' Mort chuckled as he hugged Sidney back. 'I'd never dare to miss a single second of your show.'

Sidney gave Mort a thankful kiss on the cheek and headed into her changing room.

* * *

**Later-**

After the autograph hunters had finally disappeared, it was time for Mort and Sidney to head on home.

'Are you sure you don't wanna join your friends in the limo?' Mort asked as he slid his arm around his feline girlfriend's waist.

'I'm happy just as long as I'm with you.' Sidney replied as she lay her head on Mort's shoulder. 'Say, you didn't seem to notice some weird guy dressed all in white in the audience, did you?'

'Can't say that I have, no.' Mort shook his head. 'I was more concerned with the show.'

Then Mort clicked on who Sidney was talking about. He only knew of one weirdo dressed all in white.

'Sidney! Down!' Mort yelled as he pushed his girlfriend down behind some garbage cans just in time to avoid barrage of gunfire.

'What the hell...?' Sidney growled, her fierce feline teeth bared in anger.

'Ah, I am glad that you remember me, Monsieur Toynbee.' The faux French mercenary known only as Fantomex said as he deftly somersaulted down into the alley with a whoosh of a white leather trenchcoat.

Sidney stood up and pointed a clawed finger at the white-clad attacker.

'Where do you get off firing at me and my boyfriend?' Sidney snarled angrily. 'We were just walking down the alley not hurting anybody at all.'

'My business is not with you, Mademoiselle Cagney.' Fantomex stated. 'However, if you continue to stand in my way, I will be forced to take action.'

'Says you!' Sidney snarled as she slashed at Fantomex's face with her claws, gouging bloody lines down the man's face.

Fantomex clutched his face with a pained hiss.

'You cut me...' Fantomex exclaimed in disbelief. 'Nobody has ever cut me before.'

'Oh, I plan to do a lot more than cut you...' Sidney's voice deepened as she began to grow in size and her usually tabby-coloured fur turned black. Muscles started to ripple all through Sidney's body as she went down on all fours.

'You'rrre going in to _rrregrrret _messing with us...' Panther-Sidney snarled angrily, her deadly dagger-like teeth flashing in the moonlight. 'When I've finished with you, _therrre _won't be enough to_ sprrread_ on a small _waterrr_ biscuit.'

Panther-Sidney reared up on her hind legs and batted at Fantomex with a giant black paw. The white-clad mercenary yelled in pain as Sidney's claws raked bloody gashes down his chest.

'Hey, Sid, leave some for me.' Mort grinned as he hopped on top of a dumpster to get a better view. 'I wanna teach this gigantic poof a lesson too.'

'In a minute, honey...' Panther-Sidney growled as she pinned Fantomex to the floor with her paws. 'I wanna play _firrrst..._'

Mort knew fully well what Sidney was talking about. She planned to 'play' with Fantomex in the same way that a pet cat would 'play' with a mouse that it had just caught. As much as he hated Fantomex, he didn't want the guy to end up as catnip.

'Sid... As much as I wanna hurt this stupid tosser, we can't just kill him. That ain't the way we do things now. I quite doing stuff like that when I quite the brotherhood.'

'Then what do you suggest?' Panther-Sidney asked.

'Let's just stuff him in a dumpster.' Mort suggested. 'Let him rot with the rest of the bloody garbage.'

'Yeah, _you'rrre rrright._' Panther-Sidney nodded. 'If we get lucky, the _Punisherrr _might end up finding him.'

Fantomex gulper in fear as Panther-Sidney picked him up and dumped him unceremoniously in a nearby dumpster before slamming the lid back down.

Sidney returned back to her normal tabby-furred form and locked the lid of the dumpster down.

'Seriously, what kind of retard would even pretend to be French?'

'Search me.' Mort shrugged. 'It ain't my business how people get their kicks.'

Sidney grinned mischievously as she took Mort's arm and walked out of the alley with him.

'Does that include doing it with a sexy cat-lady?'

'Sexy cat-lady?' Mort chuckled teasingly. 'I didn't know that Tigra was it town.'

Sidney punched Mort on the arm playfully.

'You're lucky that I like you so much, or you'd so be catnip now!'

**TBC...**

* * *

**Next: Grandmommy Dearest**

_Mystique meets Rogue and Gambit's daughter, Marie Anne LeBeau. Will grandmother and grandchild get along? Tune in next time to find out..._

* * *

**Author's Notes-**

**(1)- **_Rahne almost killed Feral in_ 'Uncanny New Mutants'


	13. Grandmommy Dearest

**Uncanny X-Men**

**Chapter 13: Grandmommy Dearest**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to Marvel._

* * *

**The Xavier Institute-**

It was a beautiful sunny day in the Xavier Institute for Higher learning, and several of the X-Men were outside playing basketball. It was a battle of the sexes as Rogue, Lorna, Jeanne-Marie, Moira, Terry, and Sage took on Remy, Bobby, Cain, Sean, Hank, and Bishop. So far, the guys were winning.

Bobby was presently trying to distract Moira by talking trash while she tried to pass the ball to one of her teammates.

'I know you're not putting that rock up from here.' Bobby taunted as he waved his arms about. 'Cuz you ain't got no J.' **(1)**

'Bobby, don't try to talk trash.' Bishop groaned from the sidelines. 'Because you are the whitest white guy I have ever seen. _Scott's _better at talking trash than you are!'

'Brother, please!' Bobby snorted. 'You're trippin'! Go on, go cry home to your momma. She waitin' for ya!'

Bishop's mouth opened and closed as he struggled to find a response.

'That-that didn't even make sense...'

While all this was going on, Moira had managed to pass the ball to Rogue, who was heading up towards the opposite basket. Unfortunately, Remy leapt in and snatched the ball away from her.

'Hey!' Rogue yelled at her partner. 'That's cheatin'!'

'You snooze, you lose, cherie.' Remy smirked cheekily as he jumped up and scored another basket for the guys.

'Oh, we're gonna be playin' prison rules, are we?' Rogue chuckled to herself evilly. 'Well, if y'all wanna play dirty, ah'm happy to oblige ya...'

After a short team huddle, Rogue and the girls were ready to play on.

'Heh. They don't have any hope of beating us.' Bobby smirked self-assuredly. 'We're totally caning them!'

'You'd better be careful what you say about the ladies, Bobby.' Hank reminded his friend. 'Sometimes strange things happen whenever we engage them in competitive sports.'

'Don't fret so much, Hairball.' Cain cracked his knuckles in preparation of a sound beating. 'The chicks ain't got no hope o' beatin' us.'

'Suit yourself, gentlemen.' Hank shook his head. 'Be it on your own heads.'

And with that, play continued.

Remy was the first to get the ball. It almost seemed as if the ladies were offering little, or no resistance at all. That was until Remy came up against Rogue. The Southern Belle changed her skin into steel, and moved so she was blocking Remy's way. Before the poor ice-manipulating mutant could throw the ball to a teammate, he collided with the newly immovable Rogue and fell to the floor. The ball bounced out of his hand. Lorna grabbed the ball and dumped it into the basket.

A little later on, it was Bobby's turn with the ball. Once again, the ladies were offering little or no opposition. Bobby had a straight run at the basket.

As he approached the basket, Bobby noticed Lorna step closer and suddenly lift up her t-shirt, flashing him. **(2) **Lorna's sudden bosom-baring caused Bobby to lose concentration and trip over his feet, falling to the floor. Once again, the ball bounced away. This time it was Moira who took the chance to score a basket.

Later still, Bishop was the one with the ball. The time-lost mutant made sure to keep an eye out for the members of the opposing team. Even though Sage was on the opposing team, Bishop knew that she wouldn't play dirty. Oh, how wrong was he going to be...

Bishop dribbled the ball up towards the basket just as Sage darted in front of him. Bishop tried to pass the ball to Cain, but Sage kept on waving her arms in front of him, making it so he couldn't make a clean pass.

'Oh, you think you're all that, huh?' Sage taunted. 'You think you're all that, but you're not!'

Sage snatched the ball from Bishop and passed it to Terry, scoring their umpteenth basket.

Finally, it was Jeanne-Marie's turn. Time was closing in on the game. It was up to the former member of Alpha Flight to win the game. Jeanne-Marie easily manoeuvred her way through the men and headed for Cain's direction. The Juggernaut had his back to her, trying to keep Lorna from catching the ball if Jeanne-Marie passed it. The Canadian woman smiled to herself as she had an idea...

Cain turned around just in time to see Jeanne-Marie leap into the air. **(3)**

'_Oh, shiiiiiii..._'

Jeanne-Marie leapt onto Cain's back and used him as a stepladder, enabling to make a slam dunk for the win!

The ladies all gathered around each other for a group hug.

'Oh, yeah! We totally ruled!' Terry whooped as she high-fived her teammates. 'The lads didnae even have a _chance_ o' beatin' us!'

'Never doubt female superiority, lass.' Moira smirked.

The guys, however weren't all that pleased about the fact that they had just been trounced by a bunch of girls.

'Man, this sucks...' Bobby groaned as he rubbed his cheek where he had skidded along the ground. 'We just got served!'

* * *

**Later-**

After a shower and a change of clothes, Rogue headed off to go check up on her daughter. The Southern Belle headed towards the rec room, where she had left Marie in the care of Ororo.

'Ah look, there's Mommy.' Ororo smiled as she saw Rogue walk in. Little Marie gurgled in glee and held out her hands.

'It looks like Marie wants a hug.' Ororo noted as she handed the girl over to her mother. 'Have fun proving your superiority over the men?'

'Oh, yeah.' Rogue smiled. 'Pity we had ta get nasty.'

'Oh, don't act like you don't enjoy it.' Ororo chuckled. 'You enjoy playing dirty as much as the next person.'

'Ah ain't denyin' it.' Rogue shrugged. 'I was just havin' fun, is all.'

'I would really love to stay here and chat...' Ororo apologised. 'But it's time for my plants to be watered. Talk later?'

'Ah'll bring the beer.' Rogue chuckled as she gave her friend a wave goodbye. And with that, mother an daughter were left alone in the room.

'Whatta ya say that we see what's on TV, huh?' Rogue asked as she took a seat on the couch. Marie just yawned sleepily and snuggled close to her mother.

'Lightweight.' Rogue tutted slightly as she flicked through the channels in search of anything interesting.

'No TV and no beer...' **(4)**

_Click!_

'_Baaaaah!_' **(5)**

_Click!_

'**_KHAAAAAN!_**' **(6)**

_Click!_

'I ain't gettin' on no plane!' **(7)**

_Click!_

'You never could decide what to watch on the TV.' Mystique commented as she appeared in the doorway.

Rogue jumped up at the sudden appearance of her foster mother. Marie whimpered at the sudden jolt.

'Shush, shush...' Rogue cooed to her daughter. 'It's alright. Don't be scared. Momma's here.'

Mystique smiled proudly.

'You're a natural, Rogue.' Mystique complimented her foster daughter. 'It makes me wonder where you get it from. Not from me, that's for certain.'

'Oh, ah wouldn't say that.' Rogue shrugged. 'Ah must have learnt how to be a mother from somewhere.'

'I'm sorry if I woke the baby.' Mystique apologised. 'I'll leave if you want me to.'

'No, no. You stay.' Rogue patted the seat beside her. 'Marie needs to bond with her grandmomma.'

'Now you're making me feel old.' Mystique chuckled slightly.

'No Irene?' Rogue asked.

'Out taking a walk.' Mystique explained. 'So I decided to come see how you were. That was unless a certain Scottish werewolf got to me first.'

'Rahne's only thinkin' about her family.' Rogue stated. 'The poor girl's been through so much. Ah'm surprised that she's kept it together this long.'

'Family life is never easy when you're an X-Man, is it?' Mystique sighed.

'Especially if your daddy's a mutant-hatin' bigot with a taste fer whores.' Rogue agreed with a nod. 'Poor Rahne. At least she's got a life of her own now and doesn't need to worry about that sonofabitch daddy of hers.'

'I would go say something to her...' Mystique said. 'But, y'know, we're not exactly the best of friends. Moira and Sean seem unusually positive about the fact that I'm part of the X-Men now.'

'Ah guess that they're forgivin' people.' Rogue suggested.

'Either that or they're planning to wreak their powerful vengeance upon me.'

'Moira an' Sean wouldn't do that to ya.' Rogue reassured her foster mother. 'Ah think...'

* * *

**The garage, later that night-**

Bobby Drake chuckled evilly to himself as he poured some grease from Rahne's motorbike into a water balloon. The X-Women would pay for humiliating him in that basketball game! Nobody humiliated Bobby Drake and got away without being pranked!

Bobby carefully carried the grease-filled balloon to a catapult he had made out of some underwear elastic. Bobby placed the grease balloon in the catapult and quickly moved to one side as he prepared for revenge. **(8)**

Bobby cocked his head as he heard Rogue walking down the corridor. Oh yeah, this would be sweet.

Bobby closed his eyes and yanked the release mechanism, catapulting the grease balloon towards Rogue.

'Momma! Look out!' Rogue called out as she ducked the flying grease balloon. Unfortunately, her warnings came to late, as the grease balloon hit Mystique right in the face, smothering her with the gunk cleaned from Rahne's bike.

Mystique wiped grease from her eyes with an angry growl.

'_Drake..._'

'Crap.'

Around the corner, Bobby flattened himself against the wall. Perhaps a hasty retreat would be in order. Outer Mongolia was supposed to be nice at this time of year.

**TBC...**

* * *

**Next: Full House**

_It's that time of year again! It's the **Floating Super-Hero Poker Game! **Guest-starring: The Thing, She-Hulk, Thor, Luke Cage, Spider-Man, and Captain America._

* * *

**Author's Notes-**

**(1)- **_As seen in _'Family Guy'. _I forget which episode though..._

**(2)- **_Phoebe did the very same thing in an episode of _'Friends'.

**(3)- **_Remember that basketball game in the movie _'The Cable Guy_'? Yeah, kinda like that._

**(4)- **_Mandatory Simpsons reference._

**(5)- **_General Melchett's catchphrase from _'Blackadder Goes Forth'._ Baaaaah!_

**(6)- **_As seen in _'Star Trek II: The Wrath of KHAAAAAN'.

**(7)- **_I pity the fool that don't like the A-Team!_

**(8)- **_Beast Boy played the same prank in an episode of _'Teen Titans'. _He was aiming at Cyborg, but Starfire ended up being an unwitting victim._


	14. Full House

**Uncanny X-Men**

**Chapter 14: Full House**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to Marvel._

* * *

**Quote of the day- **_'Come, son of Jor-El. Kneel before Zod!'_

* * *

**The Xavier Institute For Higher Learning-**

The Xavier Institute was a hive of activity. It was time for the monthly poker game between the X-Men, the Avengers, and the Fantastic Four. Other heroes were more than welcome to join in.

Usually, Logan was in charge whenever is was down to the X-Men to hold the big game, but he had buggered off on one of his mysterious journeys again. It was now down to Hank McCoy to organise everything. Luckily, Hank had his good friend Bobby Drake on hand to help.

Hank looked at the clipboard he was holding in his furry paw.

'Now, let us run through the seating arrangements again...' Hank started to read from the clipboard as he readjusted his glasses. 'Sam is sitting beside Captain America. Sean is sitting beside Luke Cage. Moira is sitting beside Spider-Man. Rahne is sitting beside Squirrel Girl...'

'Are you sure that's such a good idea?' Bobby smirked. 'You know how much dogs like to chase small furry creatures.'

'I am sure that Ms Sinclair has a little more control over her lupine side, my friend.' Hank stated. 'However, I will seat her in-between She-Hulk and Ben Grimm just in case.'

'How are we doing for nibbles?' Bobby asked. 'Cuz last time we ended up running out of chips. Everything almost degenerated into a riot.'

'Yes, I remember it well...' Hank shook his head as he remembered the carnage of the last poker game which was held at the Baxter Building. 'But then again, that may have been down to Lyja and her cravings.'

'I'll go check the kitchen to make sure that we've got enough.' Bobby suggested. 'Better safe than sorry, right?'

'Indeed.' Hank nodded. 'And make sure that we have some diet soda for Cap. We don't want him getting drunk again.'

'That was Logan's fault.' Bobby pointed out. 'He spiked Cap's drink.'

Hank looked at his friend with a sceptical frown.

'I'm sure he did, Robert. Just as sure as I am of the fact that you had nothing to do with sabotaging Nick Fury's cigars.'

Bobby held up his hands in defence.

'Hey! That isn't fair! Why do _I_ always get the blame whenever somebody gets a prank played on them?'

'Because you are usually the culprit.' Hank reminded the ice-making mutant. 'I am telling you, Robert, you should be careful who you play pranks on nowadays. You are lucky that Mystique didn't turn you into an ice sculpture.'

Bobby just waved off his friend's warnings.

'Oh, you worry too much, Blue. Mystique wouldn't ever do anything like that to me. She wants me too bad.'

'You do realise that Mystique is in a relationship already, don't you?' Hank sighed. 'With another woman.'

'_Get out!_' Bobby laughed. 'Mystique liking women too? _No way!'_

Hank frowned at his friend.

'Have you been taking stupid pills again?'

'But they're so tasty.' Bobby sulked. 'Why do the bad things taste so good?'

'Robert, there are no such things as stupid pills.' Hank sighed.

'Then what have I been taking?' Bobby blinked in confusion.

'Jeanne-Marie's pills for her... women's trouble.' Hank responded.

Bobby's complexion started to go pale.

'I don't feel so good...'

Hank couldn't help but laugh as he saw his friend run off in the direction of the nearest bathroom.

'Should I tell him that he was only taking Tic-Tacs?' Hank chuckled as he fished out a packet of the small minty things. 'No, perhaps not. I think it would be most amusing to see how he copes with the news...'

* * *

**Later-**

Finally, the guests had arrived. Everybody was gathered around a table in the rec room. The rest of the furniture had been moved to the side so that everybody could fit around the card table. They were presently deciding who would be the dealer first. They were deciding this by First Jack Out. Whoever ended up being dealt the first jack out of the pack, would take on the role of the dealer.

First up was Captain America.

'Two of Spades.' Hank announced.

Then it was Sam.

'Queen of Hearts.'

'Aww, bad luck, Guthrie.' Ben Grimm smirked. 'How are ya gonna cheat now that ya ain't the dealer?'

'Ah cannot deny or confirm those charges.' Sam sniffed. 'Y'all are just bad losers.'

Next up was Sean.

'Jack of Diamonds.'

That meant that Sean was the dealer for the first round.

'Get ready, lads an' lasses.' The Irish mutant grinned as he gathered up the cards and shuffled them. 'What do ye say that we make this game a little more exciting?'

'Whoever loses first has to run around the mansion naked!' Wade exclaimed.

'In your dreams, 'Pool.' She-Hulk shot the former Merc-With-A-Mouth a deadly glare.

'And what would happen if one of the lads ended up gettin' naked?' Moira asked.

'Verily.' Thor nodded in agreement. 'Mine eyes doth not need to see Ben Grimm's naked buttocks.'

'Oh yeah, thanks fer the support, Feather-Head.' Ben sniffed. 'Can we get this flamin' game started already?'

'Why are ye so anxious to get the game started, Ben?' Rahne smirked. 'D'ye _really_ wantae lose _that_ badly?'

'You just wait and see, kid.' Ben retorted. 'Then we'll see who ends up losin'...'

'Dude, this is the URM-Verse.' Wade pointed out. 'There are only three of us here that have any chance of winning this game. It's either gonna be me, Rahne, or Squirrel Girl.'

'Oh, gosh.' Squirrel Girl blushed. 'Do you really think so? I mean... I'm not an expert or anything...'

'Oh, trust me...' Wade grinned. 'We three are the writer's favourite characters. We can win anything! Hell, I bet that if we joined forces, we'd make Galactus pee his pants!'

'Wade, you're so full of crap.' Bobby laughed. 'You couldn't take on Galactus on your own.'

'I'm not the one that took Aurora's lady pills.' Wade shot back.

Bobby turned to Sean with an impatient glare.

'Just deal the damn cards, will you?'

* * *

**Later still-**

The poker game had been a vicious one. Practically everybody had dropped out of the game. Just was Wade predicted, Squirrel Girl was one of the only two people left. The poor unfortunate left to play against her was Rahne.

'Hey, I've got a crazy idea...' Wade snapped his fingers in realisation. 'Instead of playing poker, why don't Rahne and SG face off in a mud wrestling match? We could sell tickets! We'd make millions!'

'Wade, you are a pig.' Moira shot him a glare.

'It's what the fans want, Moira.' Wade pointed out. 'Well, by fans I mean the three people that ever read this story...'

'Sweet Christmas!' Luke Cage exclaimed. 'Don't you ever shut up?'

'Never.' Wade retorted. 'I am the URM-Verse's version of the regular comic-verse's Wolverine. Except I'm not overrated and sucky.'

'By my father's beard!' Thor held his head in his hands. 'Can you not just let yon maidens play in peace?'

'_Fine._' Wade sighed heavily. 'But I know what the fans want. Well, I know what the writer tells the fans what to like...'

Rahne and Squirrel Girl weren't paying attention to the former merc's comments (as if his words were worth paying any attention to anyway), they were too busy concentrating on the game. Whoever won this last round went home the victor.

'I see yuir ten bucks and raise ye another ten.'

Squirrel Girl looked at her cards.

'Art thou sure that thou doth wish to continue?' Thor asked. 'Thou art in danger of losing all thine money.'

'Don't worry, Thor.' Squirrel Girl reassured the Asgardian god of thunder. 'I've got her right where I want her...'

Squirrel Girl looked back at Rahne, her expression unreadable.

'Okay, show me.'

Rahne put down her cards. She had four tens.

'Two pair.'

A huge smile spread across Squirrel Girl's face as she slowly put her cards down on the table.

'Royal Flush!'

A gasp of surprise rose from the rest of the players.

'Cheater! Cheater!' Bobby booed. 'Squirrel Girl is nothing but a dirty cheater!'

'Oh, shut up, Bobby.' Hank tutted. 'Squirrel Girl won fair and square. I hope.'

Squirrel Girl scooped up her winnings in her hands. grinning triumphantly.

'See, what did I tell you?' Wade smirked as he turned to the others. 'In the URM-Verse, only Squirrel Girl has the power to beat us all at poker!'

'Wade...?' Rahne growled.

'Yes?' Wade smiled sweetly at the Scottish werewolf.

'Shut yuir bloody hole!'

**TBC...**

* * *

**Next: Oh I Do Like To Be Beside The Seaside**

_The X-Men go to the beach. Sun, sea, and sand in your butt crack! _


	15. Oh, I Do Like To Be Beside The Seaside

**The Uncanny X-Men**

**Chapter 15: Oh, I Do Like To Be Beside The Seaside**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to Marvel._

* * *

**Quote of the day- **_I only need two things. Your submission and your obedience to MY WILL!'_**- The Master (Doctor Who: The Dæmons)**

* * *

**The Xavier Institute-**

Rachel Grey and Talia Josephine Wagner hurried into the hangar where the X-Jets were kept. Kurt's telepathic message seemed urgent. The pair were told to bring their wet weather clothes. Kurt didn't tell them anything other than that.

The two young women stopped in their tracks once they saw the assemblage of mutants gathered in the hangar. Bishop was holding an umbrella under his arm, while Sage fiddled impatiently with her bright yellow raincoat. Rogue had taken a seat upon a bright red cooler, while Gambit struggled to untangle his very long Doctor who-esque scarf. August was fiddling with the zip on her fur-lined anorak.

'I guess you guys got the same call to arms as us.' Rachel surmised as she readjusted her grip on the rolled up raincoat that she was carrying.

'Do y'all ever intend on tellin' us why y'all gathered us here?' Rogue asked. 'Cuz ah've got a baby that's just started teethin'.'

'We know.' August chuckled slightly. 'I can hear Marie crying all the way from my room.'

'Have you ever thought of rubbing rum on her gums?' TJ suggested. 'That's supposed to dull the pain, isn't it?'

'Oh yeah, an' why don't ah make mah only a daughter an alcoholic while ah'm at it?' Rogue snorted in derision at the suggestion.

'Speaking of Marie...' Rachel noticed something. 'Where is she?'

'Ah can't bring a baby on a mission, Rach.' Rogue replied sagely. ''Ro is watchin' over her.'

Bishop turned to regard the unusually silent fuzzy elf.

'Please, give us all a break and tell us why you've gathered here.'

A mischievous grin spread across Kurt's fuzzy blue face.

'We're going to Blackpool!'

'With the what now, homme?' Gambit blinked. 'Ain't that in England?'

'Blackpool is one of Britain's most popular holiday destinations.' Sage explained. 'It is most famous for it's Illuminations, and Blackpool Pleasure Beach, a theme park situated along the seafront, and Blackpool Tower, a smaller version of the Eiffel Tower. Blackpool also used to have a reputation for having one of the worst beaches in Britain, but it has since tidied itself up.'

'Isn't it also supposed to be raining in that area of Britain?' TJ blinked.

'Well, that's what the Weather Channel said.' August confirmed with a nod.

'So, let me get this right...' Rachel closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose. 'We're going to Blackpool, where it is raining very badly. Call me slow on the uptake, but... _why?'_

'Christmas shopping!' Kurt exclaimed with a big grin on his face.

Rachel held her head in her hands.

'Oh, God... I knew I shouldn't have asked.'

* * *

**Blackpool, England-**

Rachel and the other X-Men were sitting onboard the X-Jet in the middle of a playing field somewhere in the British coastal town of Blackpool. Kurt had engaged the X-Jet's cloaking system, so that nobody would be alarmed by he present of a great big jet sitting in the middle of a playing field.

Rachel leant back in her seat and listened to the sound of the rain drumming on the window.

'Well, isn't this super?' The redheaded telepath grumbled. 'We're Christmas shopping in the middle of what seems to be a rainstorm. Tell me again why we didn't just go shopping in Salem Centre like we usually do?'

'Oh, I don't know...' TJ shrugged as she peered over Rachel's shoulder and watched the rain falling on the ground outside. 'I've never been to Blackpool before. I think it's an... experience.'

Kurt's voice coming from the front of the X-Jet caught everybody's attention.

'Now, while we wait for the rain to let up, what do you say we have a little something to eat?'

Kurt opened up the bright red cooler and took out several small packages wrapped in shiny tinfoil. They were bacon sandwiches.

'Now, who wants white bread, and who wants brown?' Kurt asked.

'Does the brown bread have bits in?' Rogue queried.

Kurt unwrapped one of the shiny packages to have a look.

'We have both brown with bits, and without.' The fuzzy elf explained.

'Ah'll have bits, please.' Rogue smiled.

'I think you mean brown bread with grain.' Sage pointed out.

'Ah know what ah mean.' Rogue rolled her eyes. 'Now, gimmie!'

Gambit rubbed his sleeve against the window, wiping away the condensation that had gathered there. The Cajun mutant grinned as she saw what stood outside.

'Hey, there's a pub just across de road. If we hurry, we can get in there and not get too wet.'

There was stampede of feet as the assembled X-Men scrambled to make their way out of the X-Jet. Kurt was left there on his own holding several uneaten bacon sandwiches.

'All the more bacon sandwiches for me then...'

* * *

**The pub-**

The terrible weather had been all but forgotten as the X-Men enjoyed the warmth of the pub they had taken refuge in. The group had pulled several tables together so they didn't have to split up and sit at separate tables. The barman didn't seem to mind having several mutants take refuge in his establishment. Their money was as good as anybody's. And he thought the pub would gain some fame if it was known that he served a group of American superheroes.

Sage let out a growl of anger as she smacked the side of the slot machine she had been shovelling twenty pence pieces into ever since the X-Men had arrived in the pub.

'Problem?' Bishop asked as he walked up beside his friend.

'I have calculated the precise moment to press the appropriate button to win the maximum amount...' Sage explained. 'But this infernal machine refuses to obey logic!'

'Here, let me give it a try...' Bishop offered as he placed his pint on the top of the machine.

The time-lost cop from the future fished out a twenty pence piece from his pocket and popped it in the slot. Bishop watched the dials as they spun around. Then, he quickly pressed the three flashing yellow buttons, stopping each dial in turn.

'Three Bars!' Bishop exclaimed triumphantly. 'I have just won you fifteen pounds, Sage!'

'Beginner's luck...' Sage grumbled as she slunk away to the ladies' room, making Bishop snicker.

'Ah, well...' The energy absorber shrugged. He put some more money in, and played again. 'Alright! I win again!'

Back over at the X-Men's table, TJ was holding one of Britain's many delicacies in her hand, a pork scratching!

'You know, pork scratchings are funny things...' The former Exile said as she turned the salty pork by product around in her hand. 'First off, you have the crunchiness of the roasted pork skin, then you have the salty goodness of the fat. How do the Brits come up with these things?'

'You're not seriously thinking of _eating_ that, are you...?' Rachel turned her nose up in disgust. 'Those things are full of calories!'

'So?' TJ shrugged as she chucked the hunk of salty pig skin in her mouth.

Nearby, Rogue was sampling the pleasures of a little snack product known as a Twiglet!

'Oh. Mah. God.'

'Cherie, what's wrong?' Gambit asked concernedly.

'It's... these things, Remy.' Rogue shoved the packet of Marmite-flavoured knobbly wheat sticks into her lover's hand. 'They're... oh mah god!'

The Cajun mutant did as he was told and put a Twiglet in his mouth. Remy instantly regretted the decision as he started to chew. Remy spat out the congealed mix of processed wheat and saliva into his beer glass and started to retch.

'What de hell was that?' Remy shivered in disgust, trying to scrape the taste off his tongue.

'Well, Marmite ain't for everybody.' Rogue took the packet of Twiglets back. 'All the more for me then...'

'I think we'd better get going.' Bishop looked at his watch. 'Kurt will start to wonder where we are.'

'Bishop...' Rachel blinked. 'Where'd you get all those coins?' She noticed Bishop was holding a bag full of coins.

'The poker machine.' The future-born cop shrugged. 'I had a hot streak.'

'Wait!' TJ snapped her fingers as she had an idea. 'We haven't had any fish and chips yet! We can't go to the British seaside and not have any fish and chips!'

Rogue was the first one out of the door.

'Dibs on the curry sauce!'

**TBC...**

* * *

**Next: Picnic In The Savage Land**

_Kurt has yet another one of his cunning plans: A picnic in the Savage Land! If you thought getting ants in your sandwiches was annoying, just imagine what it would be like if a hungry velociraptor wanted your Scotch egg!_


	16. Picnic in the Savage Land

**The Uncanny X-Men**

**Chapter 16: Picnic in the Savage Lamd**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to Marvel. August is mine._

* * *

**Quote of the day- **_'You look about as nervous as a long-tailed cat in a room full of rockin' chairs.'_**- Rogue (X-Men: The Animated Series)**

* * *

**The Xavier Institute-**

Once again, Kurt Wagner had called the X-Men together to go out on a daytrip. This time he wasn't going to tell them where they were going until they had all stepped onboard the Blackbird. He wanted it to be a surprise.

Rogue tapped her foot impatiently as she readjusted her grip on the bag that held Marie's stuff, her toys, bottles of juice, jars of baby food, stuff like that. Remy was holding Marie.

'For cryin' out loud, Kurt, wilya just tell us where we're goin'?' The Southern mutant complained. 'This had better not be on of your lame ideas. Ah'm surprised that nobody ended up gettin' a cold after out last trip to Blackpool!'

'Rogue, you spent most of the time sitting in the nearest pub.' Kurt pointed out. 'Where was the fun in that? You can't go to Blackpool and just sit in the pub all day. You have to go see the sights. Did you ever think about going to see Blackpool Tower?'

'We woulda done that if it wasn't rainin', homme.' Remy countered. 'We ain't gonna walk nowhere if dere's a storm out.'

'Oh, now it was no way near that bad.' Kurt tutted. 'You're exaggerating.'

'Kurt, there was whole streams of water running down the street!' Bishop added his two cents. 'It was almost like Noah's Flood!'

'What are _you_ complaining about, Bishop?' The fuzzy elf frowned, crossing his arms. 'You came home a rich man.'

August leant over to whisper to her fuzzy blue boyfriend.

'I think we'd better go before we end up with a riot on our hands, Blue.' The mutant fire-wielder told him.

'Ja, perhaps you're right.' Kurt nodded in agreement. 'Come on, everybody in the Blackbird! We have to get there while the weather's still good!'

'Well, that certainly sounds like a good omen don't it, 'Ro?' Logan smirked as he walked in with Ororo. 'Got room for a coupla small ones?'

'The more, the merrier, _mein freund._' Kurt smiled as he waved the two new arrivals into the Blackbird. 'Come on, get a move on! We have to leave soon!'

'What's the rush, Kurt?' Rachel asked as she stuck her head back out the door. 'Are we going to miss something important?'

'Please stay in your seats until we reach our destination.' Kurt smiled sweetly as he stepped onboard the Blackbird and took his seat at the front of the plane. 'Now, is everybody ready?'

'I have to pee!' TJ's voice piped up from the back of the Blackbird.

'Very funny, Talia...' Kurt rolled his eyes as he started up the Blackbird. TJ turned to Rachel.

'What? I _really_ have to pee. Really!'

* * *

**Later-**

After a short delay for the sake of TJ's bladder, the X-Men then went on their way to whichever mystery location they were heading too.

'We are in the air now, Kurt...' Ororo piped up. 'Now, would you care to tell us where our destination is?'

Kurt activated the Blackbird's autopilot and turned to face the rest of the X-Men.

'We are going to have a picnic...'

'Ooh, I like picnics!' TJ clapped excitedly. But Kurt hadn't finished.

'... in the Savage Land!' He grinned widely. The other X-Men's jaws dropped.

'The _Savage Land?! _Are you _mental?!' _Rogue blurted. 'Have y'all lost alla your marbles? The Savage Land? You allowed meh to bring mah baby daughter to a place inhabited by savage cavemen and ravenous dinosaurs? Are y'all outta your tiny fuzzy little mind?'

'Yeah!' Remy agreed. 'Remy don' wanna be known as de guy who's kid got eaten by a dinosaur!'

'Silly elf!' Marie giggled.

'Yer in a heap of trouble now, Elf.' Logan chuckled.

'Logan!' Ororo hissed, elbowing her companion in the ribs. 'You are not helping!'

'I am afraid that I have to agree with Rogue on this one, Kurt.' Sage chimed in. 'The Savage Land is no place for a young child.'

'Don't worry, Sage...' Kurt reassure the living computer. 'I aim to stay away from any of the places that the carnivorous dinosaurs inhabit.'

'Den whatta you got in de picnic basket?' Remy frowned, pointing at the wicker basket. 'You ain't got no beef sandwiches or any o' dem Scotch egg t'ings, have you?'

Kurt cleared his throat nervously and looked over at August, who nodded solemnly. That was exactly what they had in the picnic basket!

'I'm sure that we'll be fine if we stay downwind.' Bishop suggested. 'Or better yet, we could pay Ka-Zar a visit. He'd know where it would be safe to have a picnic.'

'You don't have any faith in my judgement, do you?' Kurt sighed heavily.

Rogue was the first to make a reply.

'Not when y'all are takin' us somwhere where we're all gonna get killed.'

* * *

**A little later-**

The Blackbird had landed in a clearing in the middle of the forest. The X-Men were standing all around waiting for Kurt to unpack the picnic hampers.

Kurt laid down the last picnic hamper with a heavy groan.

'Oh ja, that's all right.' The fuzzy elf groused. 'Feel perfectly welcome to just stand there and watch me do all the work.'

'Don't mind if ah do.' Rogue commented as he laid a blanket on the ground. 'This is all you're fault, Kurt. As far as dumb ideas go, this is one of the dumbest!'

'We haven't seen any dinosaurs yet, have we?' Kurt pointed out. 'You worry to much, _meine schwester. _We are perfectly fine right here.'

A rather loud squawk resounded from the sky above the X-Men, making Kurt leap back in fear. A pair of pterodactyls flew across their heads.

'Ooh, pretty...' Marie gazed up at the flying reptiles with childlike wonder.

'Oui, we are perfectly safe here.' Remy snorted in derision as he placed his daughter down onto the blanket then took a seat himself. 'We gonna be waist deep in dinosaurs soon.'

Logan sniffed the air.

'We ain't gonna have no trouble, Cajun.' The feral mutant pointed out. 'There ain't no dinosaurs plannin' to eat us anywhere.'

'Thank you, Logan.' Kurt nodded towards his friend. 'Now, if you will all take a seat, then we can start eating.'

The X-Men did as they were told and all sat down on blankets. Kurt and August opened up the wicker baskets holding their food and started to hand out paper plates for the others to put their food on.

'Yay! Food!' Marie clapped her hands in glee. 'Wanna sammich!'

'Mmm, you must have been up all night cooking all of this food.' Ororo smiled as she saw the veritable feast that was placed before her. 'There was really no need for you to go to all this trouble. I would have been satisfied with a modest selection of sandwiches and some lemonade.'

'Speak for yourself, Ororo.' Rachel smirked as she nabbed herself a big slice of pork pie. 'There's nothing better than a picnic with lots of food!'

'And how!' TJ agreed as she filed her plate high with mini Scotch eggs and sausage rolls. 'Man, this is enough food to feed an army!'

'See?' Kurt smiled as he looked towards Rogue. 'Everybody's fine and we're perfectly safe here. There was absolutely nothing to talk about.'

'Ah guess...' Rogue sighed as she opened up a jar of baby food for Marie. 'It is awfully pretty sittin' here.'

'Wanna sammich!' Marie reiterated, turning her nose up at the food that her mother was offering. 'Icky food! Icky!'

'Now, eat up lahke a good li'l girl.' The Southern mutant told her daughter. 'Or we'll go straight home.'

Marie begrudgingly accepted the spoonful of mashed up carrots and beans.

'Well, ah have to say that I never thought that it would be this quiet.' Rogue commented as she gave her daughter another spoonful of food.

'Don' say anyt'ing like dat, cherie!' Remy told her. 'Yo' gonna jinx it!'

'Oh, now you're bein' superstitious.' Rogue rolled her eyes. 'It's like Kurt says, we're perfectly safe right here. It's not as if we're totally defenceless.'

A fearsome roar then came from the forest around them.

'I'm guessing that it'll be too optimistic of me to hope that that was somebody's stomach.' Bishop laughed nervously.

'I believe that was the roar of a male tyrannosaur.' Sage piped up. 'It sounds like he is hunting.'

August gave the living computer a withering glare.

'Not helping!'

**TBC...**

* * *

**Next: Bucket**

_The X-Men continue their picnic and little Marie finds a friend._


	17. Bucket

**The Uncanny X-Men**

**Chapter 17: Bucket**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to Marvel. Marie is mine._

* * *

**The Savage Land-**

The X-Men had settled down in a nice spot in a clearing somewhere and were enjoying the food that Kurt and August had prepared for them.

'Y'know, ah guess ah was over-reactin' a little bit earlier...' Rogue admitted, giving Kurt an apologetic smile. 'There ain't nothin' to worry about. We're perfectly safe here.'

Marie, Rogue and Remy's infant daughter, watched in childlike wonder as a dragonfly the size of a small dog flew past her.

'Ooh, pretty...' The little girl cooed as she reached out to grab the creature. 'I want to catch it!'

'I wouldn't do that if I were you, _petite._' Gambit advised his daughter. 'You don' know where it's been.'

'Yes daddy.' Marie nodded obediently.

'That's one polite kid ya got there, Cajun.' Logan complimented. 'I only wish that the rest of the X-Kids're as well-behaved as her.'

'Still hurting from that last mauling the Sinclair triplets gave you, _mein freund?_' Kurt laughed.

'Oh, laugh it up, Elf.' Logan grumbled. 'Just wait until they start to get interested in yer tail. I bet ya wouldn't dare step outta your room when then happens.'

'They are only children, Logan...' Bishop pointed out. 'Children are sometimes naughty. Or don't you remember when Hank and Emma's son spayed blue paint all over your bike?'

'Or when Rachel Junior set fire to your whiskey stash?' TJ added her two cents.

'But why do they always have to do stuff to me?' Logan asked.

'Karma?' August quipped.

* * *

**A little later-**

Little Marie was starting to get bored of sitting still, so Remy decided to take his daughter out exploring. Logan tagged along with him. Both men walked close behind Marie, as they didn't want to let the little brown-and-white-haired girl get out of their sight. There was no telling what Rogue would do to them if they ended up losing Marie.

'Don' walk too far...' Remy called to his daughter. 'We don' want you gettin' lost.'

'Yeah, cuz yer mother'll kick yer father's butt if he loses ya.' Logan smirked.

'She'll kick _your_ butt as well, _mon ami._' Remy pointed out. 'You're in this as much as I am.'

'Then we'd better not lose yer daughter then.' Logan sniffed as he walked onwards.

'Don' get too close to dem plants.' Remy advised his daughter. 'You don' know whether they're dangerous.'

'Aww, don't be such a wuss, Cajun.' Logan smirked. 'There ain't nothin' wrong with these plants. They're just overgrown daisies.'

Logan tapped on of the bulbous-headed plants to show that they were perfectly safe to be around. The plant slowly opened its mouth and chomped down on the feral mutant's arm.

'Ahh! Sonova...'

Logan cut off his curse once he saw that Marie was staring back at him.

'Razzing-frazzin...' Logan grumbled as he popped his claws and cut himself free. 'Let's move on, shall we?'

* * *

**A little later still-**

Gambit, Logan, and Marie were now standing beside a bubbling river. Marie was feeding the fish some leftover sandwiches.

'Come on little fishes...' Marie beckoned to the aquatic creatures. 'Eat up the nummy sammiches.'

'Marie, be careful...' Remy warned his daughter. 'Dere be dangerous creatures in dat river.'

'Oh, ease back fer a minute.' Logan rolled his eyes. 'There ain't no dangerous creatures around here fer miles. We ain't in no immediate danger.'

'Dat's what you said about de killer plants.' Remy reminded his friend. 'And dat nest o' pterodactyls. Why did they want Marie anyway?'

'Your guess is as good as mine, Cajun.' Logan shrugged. 'It ain't as if she stole one of their eggs. I don't think Rogue'll appreciate it all that much if her daughter takes after you.'

'My daughter is _not_ a thief!' Remy retorted. 'Marie's a good girl!'

'I didn't say that she was a thief.' Logan pointed out. 'Geez, yer real jumpy all of a sudden.'

'Ooh, what's that?'

Remy and Logan both turned to see what Marie was talking about. The little girl was pointing at a dark shape in the water that was moving towards her.

'Marie, move away from de water.' Remy warned her, as he held out his arms. 'Quick!'

Marie toddled over to her father's waiting arms. She made it just in time as a rather large crocodile-like creature leapt right out of the water. If Marie hadn't moved out of the way, she would have ended up as the crocodile's next meal!

Remy sighed in relief once the giant crocodile crawled back in to the water.

'I t'ink we'd better go back to Rogue an' de others.'

* * *

**Back at the picnic site-**

The trio had made it back to the picnic site without incident. Thankfully, Marie knew when to keep quiet and hadn't blabbed to her mother what sort of scrapes she had gotten into.

'Did you have fun exploring?' Ororo asked the little girl. 'Did your father and Uncle Logan keep you safe?'

'Uh-huh.' Marie nodded. 'Unca Logan got bit by a big flower!'

Ororo gave the Canadian mutant a bemused glance.

'Heh. Kids and their over-active imaginations.' Logan chuckled nervously. 'It weren't as bad as it sounds'

'You're lucky that Rogue isn't here to hear that, Old Man.' Rachel tutted. 'She'd have your guts for garters.'

'That woman is very protective of her daughter.' Sage chipped in. 'Your healing factor would have been no help to you if you ended up losing Marie.'

'But we didn't lose her, Sage.' Logan pointed out. 'That's the whole point.'

'What's the whole point?' Rogue asked as she walked out of the Blackbird.

'Oh, nothin', cherie.' Remy smiled back. 'We ready to leave?'

'Mommy!' Marie squealed as she ran up to her mother and hugged her tight. 'Me an' Daddy an' Unca Logan had so much fun!'

'Oh, did ya?' Rogue smiled. 'What did y'all do?'

'I saw some pretty plants.' Marie recounted. 'An' some funny flying lizards. An' some pretty fishes too.'

'It sounds like y'all had fun.' Rogue nodded. 'Y'all can tell everybody else once we get home 'kay?'

Marie nodded in reply and ran onboard the Blackbird. Remy and Logan both breathed a sigh of relief. They were safe. Rogue was none the wiser.

* * *

**Later that night-**

Marie was now tucked up tight in bed. Rogue was wishing her daughter goodnight.

'Did y'all have a good time today?' Rogue asked.

'Uh-huh.' Marie nodded. 'Daddy and Unca Logan were funny.'

Rogue then noticed something that was tucked into her daughter's bed sheets. A rather ovoid-looking something.

'What's that y'all have there?' Rogue inquired.

'It's a pretty stone that I picked up in the forest.' Marie smiled proudly as she held up her discovery to show her mother. Upon closer inspection Rogue then realised that her daughter hadn't found a stone after all. It was an egg!

'I think it's broken.' A puzzled Marie blinked as she indicated a small crack on the egg. 'Look! There's another.'

Rogue just stood there dumbstruck as the egg hatched before her very eyes.

'Peep! Peep!'

Marie giggled in delight as a baby pterodactyl slowly crawled out of the egg.

'It's so cute!' The little girl giggled. 'I'm gonna call it Bucket!' Rogue could barely do anything except watch her daughter hugging the scrawny little winged reptile. There was no use in taking the creature back now. It had already imprinted on Marie. The creature thought that her daughter was its mother!

**TBC...**

* * *

**Next: Marie's New Pet**

_The rest of the X-Men meet Bucket._


	18. Marie's New Pet

**The Uncanny X-Men**

**Chapter 18: Marie's New Pet**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to Marvel._

* * *

**A pet shop somewhere in Salem Centre-**

Scott Summers and an image inducer-wearing Hank McCoy were running a few errands. The pair of veteran X-Men had been asked to get a few bits-and-bobs for their other halves. It didn't hurt that Jean and Emma's birthdays were approaching either. The guys were waiting for an excuse to go buy them something pretty.

As well as buying miscellaneous knickknacks and gifts for their loved ones, Scott and Hank had been asked to buy some food for Marie's new pet. Just what did a pterodactyl eat? The X-Men never really got a chance to study the creature sliving in the Savage Land, they were always too busy trying to avoid getting eaten by them.

Scott stood in front of a shelf full of various pet food products and perused the selection.

'I doubt that Bucket would appreciate us buying birdseed.' Scott thought out loud. 'Hank, you're the science expert. What would a pterodactyl eat?'

'Scott, I am a biochemist, not a palaeontologist.' Hank pointed out. 'How am I supposed to know what it would eat? We might as well buy the thing a Happy Meal.'

Scott tapped his chin in thought as he tried to think of something that Marie's new pet would like.

'Well, Bucket won't eat anything plant-based, that's something I'm certain of.' Scott stated. 'I wonder if this place sells frozen mice for people that have pet snakes?'

'It's either that or we can purchase all of the live mice.' Hank suggested. 'Surely Bucket would prefer some live meat.'

'Just think what would happen if those mice got loose.' Scott pointed out. 'We'd have a stampede on our hands.'

'Hmm, perhaps frozen mice are the best solution.' Hank conceded with a nod.

'Now, is there anything you want me to get you?' Scott offered. 'Catnip? A nice new ball of yarn? How about a new flea collar?'

'You know that only happened the once.' Hank rolled his eyes. 'And besides, it wasn't my fault. It was all down to Deadpool's puppies.'

'Yes, Hank.' Scott smirked. 'Blame it on the puppies.'

Hank just shook his head and went off to take a look around the pet store while Scott went to buy some frozen mice for Marie's pet pterodactyl.

'_Mew.'_

Hank stopped in his tracks once he hear the adorable little mewling sound.

'_Mew.'_

Hank the realised that he was standing right beside the display of adorable little kittens of various colours. There were ginger kittens, black kittens, snow-white kittens, even black-and-white kittens. The sight would have melted the heart of the most cold-hearted of people. Hank knelt down to have a look at the kittens.

'Oh my, aren't you the most adorable little felines?' Hank cooed as he gave the kittens a little wave. 'Emma would just love to have one of you. But it seems such a pity to break you all up. You seem so cosy in there together.'

As much as it pained him to do so, Hank chose to take the snow-white kitten home with him. It would have been the perfect birthday gift for Emma Frost.

'Hey Hank, what's that you've got there?' Scott asked as he walked up with his frozen mice.

Hank held up the tiny little white kitten so Scott could look.

'_Mew.' _The little kitten mewled.

'I was thinking of taking this little cutie home for Emma.' Hank said. 'Do you think she'd approve?'

'I kind of like the ginger kitten.' Scott said as he knelt down to have a look at the kittens. 'Heh. Look, it's got a dark patch over its eye that looks kind of like a phoenix.'

'Well, Jean's birthday is coming soon.' Hank pointed out. 'Why not buy her a kitten?'

'Hmm, I guess you're right.' Scott nodded thoughtfully. 'Keeping a cat isn't exactly cheap. They'll need plenty of food. Not to mention kitty litter. Then there's cat toys and vet bills…'

'Scott, we're not exactly strapped for cash, you know.' Hank pointed out. 'Or have you forgotten all of that money you spent on sprucing up your car?'

'It needed to be cleaned.' Scott responded. 'It was covered with muck.'

'Scott, you had barely had that car for a week.' Hank sighed. 'Now, buy your wife that kitten or I'll tell her that you spent Rachel Junior's college fund on a premium wax job for your car.'

Scott just grumbled in response and slunk away to go guy the ginger kitten with the suspiciously phoenix-looking spot over its eye.

* * *

**The Xavier Institute-**

Back at the Xavier Institute for Higher Learning, Rogue was making a little nest for her daughter's new pet.

'Mommy, you're not doing that right.' Marie said as she reached up to take the glue from her mother. 'The glue's gonna make Bucket get all sticky.'

'Then what am ah gonna stick all the twigs together with?' Rogue asked her daughter. 'And besides, where are we gonna put this nest?'

'Somewhere warm?' Marie shrugged. 'Put it in daddy's sock drawer.'

'Ah'm not sure about the smell.' Rogue frowned.

'Yeah, daddy's socks are stinky.' Marie nodded. 'I'll put it near the window.'

'Ah still need something to fix all this together, though.' Rogue sighed.

'Peep?' Bucket piped up, holding a piece of string in her beak.

'Heh. Clever Bucket!' Marie laughed. 'We can fix the nest with string!'

Bucket dropped the string into Rogue's hand and peered up at the Southern mutant expectantly.

'Hunh. That's one clever reptile.' Rogue stated as she proceeded to tie the nest together.

Scott and Hank then chose that moment to walk in with their new purchases. Rogue watched the two men struggle in with their arms laden with various feline products.

'Y'all do know that you were only supposed to buy some food for Bucket, right?' The Southern mutant reminded them.

'We got a little sidetracked.' Scott grunted as he gently placed a small carrying case on the counter. 'We found some birthday gifts for Jean and Emma.'

'Y'all didn't end up buying them cats did ya?' Rogue asked.

'Well, the little things looked so adorable standing there with their cute little eyes.' Hank told her. 'How could I possibly say no?'

'Ah just hope that y'all know what you're doing.' Rogue shook her head. 'This place is getting pretty full with animals. We've already got two puppies, a pterodactyl and an alien dragon. Now all we need is a parrot and a couple of fish.'

'Ssh! Don't say that too loudly!' Scott put a finger to his lips. 'You'll only give Deadpool ideas, and we all know how he gets when he has ideas.'

* * *

**Xavier's office-**

Jean Grey and Emma Frost were in Professor Xavier's office taking care of some paperwork. The pair didn't nee their telepathic powers to tell that their other halves were up to something. They had sensed their presence as soon as they walked in to the Institute.

'Honestly, they're like mischievous schoolboys.' Jean shook her head with a kind-hearted chuckle. 'Did they seriously think that they could hide anything from us?'

'Well, I know for a fact that mine is going to be better that yours.' Emma responded. 'You know, I had a cat called Princess when I was a girl, but she was run over by a bus. I doubt I'll be calling her that. It'll bring back too many bad memories.'

'Why not call her Martini?' Jean suggested.

'Yes, because I want people to think that I'm a raving alcoholic.' Emma snorted in derision. 'Why not go one better and call it Absinthe?'

'Why not call it something pretty, like Belle?' Jean suggested.

'If I say yes, will you stop making stupid suggestions?' Emma sighed.

'I'm just trying to help.' Jean held her hands up in defence. 'I think I'll call mine Puss. Or is that a little too predictable?'

'Just a tad cliché, dear.' Emma rolled her eyes.

'Now who's being cliché?' Jean snickered. 'I think I'll call him Fonzie.'

'Oh, God.' Emma held her head in her hands. 'Please tell me that you're not serious.'

Jean just grinned goofily and gave Emma two thumbs up.

'_Heyyyy!_'

**TBC…**

* * *

**Next: Marie Digs The Fuzzy Elf**

_Marie gets a new babysitter: Uncle Kurt!_


	19. Marie Digs The Fuzzy Elf

**The Uncanny X-Men**

**Chapter 19: Marie Digs The Fuzzy Elf**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to Marvel._

* * *

**The Xavier Institute-**

Kurt Wagner, everybody's favourite Fuzzy Elf, was walking along one of the many corridors of the Xavier Institute singing a merry pirate shanty to himself.

'Yo ho, yo ho. It's a pirate's life for me…' Kurt sang to himself. Yes, the Amazing Nightcrawler was a Pirates of the Caribbean fan boy. He even dressed up as Captain Jack Sparrow for Halloween. Not that Kurt ever needed an excuse to dress up as a pirate.

Kurt adjusted his grip on the brightly-wrapped package that he was carrying and headed upstairs. The fuzzy elf was babysitting little Marie LeBeau, his foster sister Rogue's daughter. The package was for her.

Kurt stopped outside Rogue's bedroom and knocked on the door. Remy was taking Rogue out for a night on the town, hence why Kurt was babysitting.

The bedroom door opened and Remy's head poked out. The Cajun mutant smiled when he saw Kurt.

'About time you got here, Kurt.' Remy grinned. 'We could barely get Marie to calm down once she found that you were comin' to look after her.'

'_Unca Kurt!_' A high-pitched squeal of excitement came form inside the bedroom as Marie ran right out of the room and hugged Kurt's legs tight. 'What'cha get me? Huh? Huh? What'cha get me?'

'I can't show you let, _meine kleine liebchen._' Kurt told his niece. 'It would only spoil the surprise.'

'Aww, but I wanna open it now.' Marie pouted.

'Let's wait until the grown ups leave for their night out, _ja?_' Kurt suggested. 'Then we can have fun on our own.'

'But what about Bucket?' Marie blinked, indicating the little grey pterodactyl resting on the bedside counter. 'Can she come play too?'

'Oh, I don't know about that…' Kurt tapped his chin thoughtfully. 'Does Bucket like pirates?'

'Uh-huh.' Marie nodded in confirmation. 'I even made her a lickle pirate hat of her own.'

'Then Bucket is more then welcome to join us.' Kurt smiled.

'Yay!' Marie clapped her hands excitedly. She then scopped Bucket up in her arms. 'Bye mommie! Bye daddy! I'm gonna go play pirates with Unca Kurt know.'

'You have fun now, y'hear?' Rogue gave her daughter a goodbye hug, and gave Bucket a pat in the head. 'And behave yourself for Uncle Kurt. If you're extra-specially good, perhaps ah'll bring y'all something back.'

'Pizza?' Marie asked expectantly.

'Y'all already had your dinner, sweetie.' Rogue reminded the little brown-and-white-haired girl.

'Is it candy?' Marie asked again.

'That stuff rots yo' teeth.' Remy answered.

'Ooh! Is it a puppy?' Marie smiled excitedly. 'Can I get a puppy? Huh, can I?'

'Don't you think that Bucket would get jealous if you had a puppy?' Kurt enquired. 'Whatever it is that your mommie buys you, I'm sure that it'll be lovely.'

* * *

**Later-**

Rogue and Remy had gone off on there way, which left Kurt and Marie alone. August, Kurt's girlfriend, would have come too, but she was off visiting the Fantastic Four.

'Well, did you like your present?' Kurt asked as Marie put on her very own pirate hat. 'Now you've got something to go with your little sword and eye patch.'

'Yarr! I'm a pirate!' Marie giggled as she turned to look at Bucket. 'Look at me, Bucket. I'm a pirate! Yarr!'

'Peep?' The little grey pterodactyl, wearing a tiny pirate hat, just cocked her head as she regarded the unusually-dressed hairless mammal before her.

'I don't think Bucket gets the joke.' Kurt guessed. 'Oh well, we can have fun on our own, can't we?'

'Sword fight!' Marie laughed as she pointed her sword at her fuzzy uncle.

'But I aven't got a sword.' Kurt told his little niece as he held up his hands in defence. 'You wouldn't hurt an unarmed elf, would you?'

Marie picked up a little wooden sword that her father had made for her and handed it to Kurt.

'There's your sword, Unca Kurt. You can borrow one of mine.

'_Danke._' Kurt nodded in thanks as he practiced a few parries and lunges. 'En guarde!'

Marie pointed her toy sword at Kurt, blocking his playful attack. She then pushed him back and made her own attack. Kurt blocked it. Bucket chirped and flapped her wings in delight.

That was how the play battle went on until Kurt pretended to get tired.

'Ach, I can't go on…' Kurt groaned dramatically. That was when Marie took her chance to attack as she 'stabbed' her fuzzy uncle. In actual fact, Kurt was holding the sword against his body with his arm.

'Ahh! You got me!' Kurt gasped dramatically as he fell to his knees. '_Nein! _It cannot be! _Aaaaaargh!_'

Kurt fell down on to his back with another dramatic groan. Marie just giggled at her uncle's hilariously bad acting.

'Oh, Unca Kurt, you're so silly.' Marie giggled. But then the little girl grew concerned once her uncle didn't laugh in return. 'Unca Kurt? Are you okay?'

Marie slowly tiptoed towards her fallen uncle.

'Unca Kurt…?'

Kurt waited until Marie was standing right over him, then he opened his eyes and jumped up.

'_Boo!_'

'Eek!' Marie squeaked in surprise as she tripped over a cushion and fell on her bottom. 'That was mean!'

'But you were having fun, weren't you?' Kurt helped his niece back up to her feet. 'I know what'll cheer you up…' A mischievous grin on the fuzzy elf's face as he thought of an idea. 'Let's go raid Hank's super-secret Twinkie stash!'

* * *

**The kitchen-**

Kurt leant back in his chair with a groan.

'Oog. I should never have eaten that fifth Twinkie…' The Fuzzy Elf groaned as he rubbed his stomach. 'I think I'm going to explode.'

_'Peeeeep...' _Bucket groaned. She laid on her back, her belly swolen from eating so many Twinkies.

'You're silly.' Marie giggled as she wiped her mouth with the back of her sleeve.

'I think we'd better hide the evidence before Hank finds out who stole his Twinkies…' Kurt suggested as he picked up the used Twinkie packages and dropped them in the garbage.

'Unca _Kuuuuuurt…!_'

Kurt spun around at the sound of his niece's squeal. The sight that greeted him took his breath away. Somehow Marie had floated up out of her chair and was hovering there in mid-air.

'Unca Kurt, _help!_' Marie cried. 'I don't like it! I'm scared!'

Then Marie stopped hovering in the air and dropped like a stone. Fortunately, Kurt was there to catch her.

Kurt hugged his crying niece tight in an attempt to comfort her. Just what on earth happened there? Why was Marie flying? Were her powers starting to emerge already? Why? And why now?

**TBC…**

* * *

**Next: Questions and Answers**

_Kurt seeks Hank's help in finding out what happened to Marie._


	20. Questions and Answers

**Uncanny X-Men**

**Chapter 20: Questions and Answers**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to Marvel._

* * *

**The Infirmary-**

After the shock of Marie's newfound ability to fly, Kurt had rushed the little mutant girl to the infirmary so Hank could try to find out what caused her recently discovered abilities. The fuzzy elf was standing by Marie as Hank did his tests.

Rogue and Remy had cut short their night out. The pair had been playing poker over at Avengers Mansion **(1) **and had come home as soon as Kurt had called them with the news.

'Well, what's the matter?' Rogue asked impatiently as she looked at Hank. 'Is there anything wrong with mah daughter?'

'The preliminary tests show that Marie is absolutely fine.' Hank responded as he studied his notes. 'I shall have to wait for the results of the blood test to make a more detailed hypothesis.'

'Momma, am I in trouble?' Marie asked timidly as she looked up at her mother. 'I didn't mean to do it…'

'It's okay, _petite._' Remy comforted his daughter. 'We're jus' tryin' to find out why you started to fly.'

'Marie's mutant powers couldn't have manifested themselves already, could they?' Kurt asked with a concerned frown. 'She is far too young.'

'Some mutant powers manifest themselves from birth, Kurt.' Hank reminded the fuzzy elf as he removed his glasses and cleaned them with the edge of his lab coat. 'Take for instance, your own blue fur, or the Sinclair Triplets' lycanthropic abilities.'

'Do y'all think that kids could be getting' their mutant powers sooner an' sooner?' Rogue queried.

'It is possible…' Hank stroked his blue furry chin in thought. 'Anything is possible with the X-Gene.'

'Like all o' dem mutants gettin' secondary mutations.' Remy surmised.

'Exactly.' Hank nodded. 'But I do not wish to make any concrete theories until I have seen all of the results that are needed. It shall take me some time to get to the bottom of.'

'I do have a theory…' Kurt raised a fuzzy blue finger. 'But I wasn't sure whether to say anything about it.'

'If y'all have something to say, Kurt, then say it.' Rogue told her foster brother.

'Could it be possible that Marie has inherited those powers that you absorbed from Ms Marvel all those years ago?' Kurt asked. 'After all, you could fly then.'

'But ah thought ah lost those powers.' Rogue blinked in confusion.

'Hmm, a fascinating theory…' Hank nodded thoughtfully. 'Perhaps you did not actually lose the aforementioned powers. They may have laid dormant until now.'

'You always did say that yo' powers were pretty complicated, _cherie._' Remy chipped in. 'Even de Professor don' know all dere is to know about yo' powers, an' he be scary smart.'

'Hunh.' Rogue grunted. 'It ain't as if may relationship with Carol Danvers is complicated enough.'

'Peep?' Bucket chirruped.

'Bucket says she wants to go.' Marie translated for those that didn't speak pterodactyl. 'She's doesn't like it here. All the pointy things scare her.'

'Well, I have done all that I can so far.' Hank knelt down on one knee to talk to the little girl. 'You and your little friend can go and play now. Just try to be careful if you do start to fly again, okay?'

'Uh-huh.' Marie smiled as she stood on her tiptoes to kiss Hank on the cheek. Then then scooped Bucket up in her arms. 'I'm gonna play pirates again with Unca Kurt!'

Kurt took his foster niece's hand in his and led her out of the infirmary. Rogue watched her daughter skip away, her face awash with concern.

'Don' you worry, _cherie…_' Remy put his arm around Rogue's shoulders in an effort to comfort her. 'Marie's a good girl. She wouldn't do anyt'ing to hurt herself.'

'Ah know, Swamp Rat.' Rogue smiled weakly. But that wasn't what worried her. She couldn't help but get the feeling that something bad would happen to her daughter now that she had these new powers.

* * *

**Elsewhere-**

Meanwhile, a short distance away, Jubilee and Sam Guthrie were returning from a session in the Danger Room.

'Oh, I totally smoked you, Guthrie.' Jubilee crowed triumphantly. 'Imagine that, a veteran X-Dude like you getting whipped by a mere youngling like me.'

'Don't be so quick to celebrate, Jubes.' Sam retorted. 'Ah was just lulling y'all in to a false sense of security.'

'Sure, you were, Sam.' Jubilee snickered. 'You keep telling yourself that.'

Both X-Men continued on their way along the corridor when they noticed an unfamiliar figure step out of the nearby elevator. The stranger was dressed in a tight red bodice with red highlights, a frilly striped black-and-red skirt with matching tights, and laced up leather boots. She also had pale white skin, heavy black makeup around her eyes and matching lipstick, and jet-black hair. It look Jubilee a little while to realise who it was.

'What in the-?!' Sam's jaw dropped at the sight.

'_**Paige?!**_' Jubilee spluttered in disbelief. 'Is that you?'

'Yes, it's me.' The formerly blonde Paige Guthrie smiled as she gave Jubilee a twirl. 'Do you like my new look?'

Sam just stood there, stunned into silence. Jubilee took it upon herself to talk for him.

'I think you broke your brother, Paige.' Jubilee told her friend. 'Now, this sudden change of image wouldn't happen to have anything to do with the fact that a certain British ex-crush of yours is single again, would it?'

'Is it really that obvious?' Paige smiled sheepishly.

'Just a little.' Jubilee nodded in confirmation. 'What makes you think that Jono would go for the Tickle-Me-Emo look, anyway?'

'Well, he wears black, doesn't he?' Paige asked. The Chinese-Americna mutant sighed at the question.

'Wearing black doesn't mean that you're emo or a Goth, Paige.' Jubilee pinched the bridge of her nose. 'I wear black sometimes, but I don't offer my soul to Satan and all his pointy-eared little demons.'

'Do you think I should try something else?' Paige enquired. 'Would Jono like it more if I dressed up like a cheerleader?'

Jubilee just shook her head at that. What had gotten into Paige? She used to be such a smart person.

'Paige, I'm sorry, but I'm going to be blunt.' Jubilee told her friend. 'You look absolutely freaking stupid! Goth _so_ isn't your style! You're the cute little farm girl next door. Besides, Jono is over you. He's moved on. Perhaps it's time that you do the same thing.' In the background, Sam nodded in agreement.

'Oh, I see what it is now.' Paige nodded. 'You're jealous because I'm trying to get myself a man. Like you're so special having a boyfriend of your own.'

'Paige, listen to yourself…'Jubilee implored her friend. 'You're talking crazy!'

'Get away from me!' Paige yelled as she swatted away Jubilee's offered hand of comfort. 'I'll show you that I can get Jono back. Just you see!'

And with that, Paige stormed back into the elevator and headed back the way she came. Jubilee stared at the closed elevator doors and let out a heavy sigh. She had to do something quick before Paige _really_ embarrassed herself.

'So...' Sam tried to break the awakward silence. 'Ah guess that she and Warren are still on a break, huh?'

**TBC…**

* * *

**Next: Intervention**

_Jubilee tries to make Paige see some sense. Her plan? Strand Paige and Jono in the woods and make them talk things out._


	21. Intervention

**Uncanny X-Men**

**Chapter 21: Intervention**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to Marvel._

* * *

**The woods somewhere near the Xavier Institute-**

A nondescript black van made its way along a road cutting through some woodland near the Xavier Institute. The seemingly innocuous black van contained four of the mutant heroes known as the X-Men. Jubilee, Angelo, Jono, and Paige were off on a camping trip. Or so the firework-wielding mutant claimed.

Jubilee was sick of the way that Paige was moping around. It wasn't like the blonde young woman to act in such a way. Paige Guthrie was smarter than that. She had been like this ever she and the winged mutant known as Angel parted. Or as Paige claimed 'they went on a break'.

Sitting in the driver's seat, Angelo looked over at Jubilee, who was paying attention to the road ahead of them.

'Are you sure that this is gonna work, chica?' The grey-skinned mutant whispered. 'I mean, this isn't one of your smartest ideas, is it?'

'Ange, at least try to have a little faith in me.' Jubilee rolled her eyes. 'It's either this, or tying them up and locking them in the closet.'

'I still don't think it'll work.' Angelo shook his head. 'We shoulda talked to Emma or somebody. Or better yet, we should have stayed out of it altogether!'

'It's my job, as Paige's best friend, to stage an intervention.' Jubilee countered. 'Besides, her new cheerleader look is just freaking me out…'

Sitting at the back of the van were Jonathon Starsmore and Paige Guthrie. Paige was indeed dressed like a cheerleader. The Kentucky native was dressed in a yellow top with an Xavier Institute emblem with a short black skirt.

'Well Jono, do what do you think of my new look?' Paige asked the British mutant. 'Do you like it?'

'Uh… it's certainly different.' Jono replied, scratching the back of his head nervously. 'But what convinced you that you needed a change of image?'

'I was fed up of being little Paige Guthrie, the harmless girl next door.' Paige sighed heavily. 'She wouldn't say boo to a damn goose.'

'This don't have anything to do with the fact that you just broke up with Worthington, does it?' Jono guessed.

'We are on a break.' Paige answered sharply. 'And no, it has nothing to do with that.'

'Right.' Jono nodded. He didn't believe a word of it.

Angelo stopped the van in a clearing nearby several wooden benches that people used whenever they were having a picnic out in the woods.

'Well, here we are, guys.' Jubilee leaned over the back of her seat to talk to Jono and Paige. 'This is our stop. Everybody out, and don't forget your sleeping bag!'

Paige did as she was told and got out of the van and took her camping gear from the back. Jono did the same. Then the blonde noticed something. She and Jono were the only ones who had brought camping gear with them! Where was Jubilee and Angelo's sleeping bags?

'Uh, guys…? Where's all your stuff?' Paige blinked in confusion.

'I'm fed up of you moping over Jono, Hayseed.' Jubilee responded from the refuge of a safely locked door. 'So you're gonna stay out here in the woods until you talk it over!'

'Well, that was real nice of you, luv.' Jono sighed,. 'But didn't you think that it woulda been a good idea to let me in on your plan instead of dropping me in it?'

'I'm sure you guys'll work out whatever problems you have.' Jubilee smiled sweetly. 'See you in the morning, 'kay?'

'You can't do this to me, Lee!' Paige yelled as she bashed her hands on the van window. 'I'll get you for this, you hear me? I'll get your for…'

A cloud of dust kicked up by the rapidly receding van halted Paige's rant. The blonde's shoulders drooped as she watched the van disappear.

'Well, it looks like we're here for the duration.' Jono ran a hand through his hair. 'You wanna set up camp?'

'I suppose.' Paige grumbled. 'I can't believe that they just stranded us here.'

'Sit yerself down.' Jono advised her. 'You'll feel better once you get some food inside ya.'

Paige slumped down on one of the wooden benches and dumped her pack on the ground as Jono rustled about for something to eat.

'Yer choices fer dining tonight are a sour cream kettle chips or beans.' Jono said as he held out said food items.

'I'll have the beans, I guess.' Paige sighed.

Jono nodded in understanding and went about making dinner. The British mutant placed a gas fire on the ground and pulled out a pair of stainless steel bowls and spoons.

'Sorry we ain't got much choice.' Jono apologised. 'But Jubilee didn't really leave me much time to prepare. She just sprung this trip on me.'

'I can't believe I fell for it either.' Paige shook her head in disbelief. 'They conned me like a real amateur.'

'We all have bad days, luv.' Jono responded as he started to fry up the beans. 'Now, those beans'll take a few minutes. What do you say we get this intervention started?'

* * *

**Later-**

'Mmm, those beans weren't all that bad…' Paige smiled as she wiped her mouth on a paper napkin. 'It kind of reminds me of the cookouts that me and Sam used to have back home when we were kids.'

'We never really did much like that in England.' Jono sighed as he wiped some of the remaining bean juice up with a slice of bread. 'There isn't much call for camping in the middle of London. The unpredictable English weather don't help all that much, either.'

'...Do you miss London?' Paige enquired. 'It's quite a change moving from there all the way over here in Westchester.'

'It isn't like I'm stuck with the X-Men or anything, luv.' Jono shrugged. 'I can go home anytime I want.'

'If you do ever get sick of the X-Men, I guess you could join Excalibur, or something.' Paige suggested. 'You'd fit in really well there.'

'I dunno whether they'd even have me.' Jono responded. 'Plus, I don't even know anybody there. I'd be stuck on a team full of people I don't know.'

'Wasn't that what it was like when you first joined?' Paige pointed out. 'But you still ended up making friends.'

'I don't know why we're even talking about this.' Jono rolled his eyes. 'I don't see myself leaving the X-Men in the near future, alright?'

'Is there any particular reason why?' Paige asked. 'Or should I say any_body?_'

'Heh. You got me there.' Jono smiled slightly. 'I was never much of a decent liar.'

Paige's face lit up with hope.

'So, who is this person you're staying for?' The Kentuckian mutant asked.

'That's kinda forward, isn't it?' Jono responded. 'What makes you think that I'm staying here for you?'

'I never even mentioned myself.' Paige told him, smiling slightly. Jono groaned into his hands.

'Bugger. I dropped myself in it again, didn't I?' The Brit grimaced.

'Oh, yeah.' Paige nodded. 'You kind of have a habit of doing that recently.'

Jono knew that there was no going back now. He had to tell Paige how he felt about her.

'Okay, truth is, I still have feelings for you.' Jono admitted. 'That's part of the reason why Dani left. She knew that I still had feelings for you, but I wouldn't admit it to myself.'

'I guess I never stopped feeling the same way about you, Jono.' Paige nodded in understanding. 'As much as I enjoyed my time with Warren, it just wasn't the same as when we were together.'

'I don't think I'm ready to commit to another relationship just yet, though.' Jono explained. 'I'm not going to start dating as soon as my previous relationship broke up. That just ain't right.'

'Yeah, I guess I have been kind of stupid about this.' Paige sighed. 'The cheerleader look jus isn't me, and the less said about my Goth phase, the better.'

'Hey, let's not knock the cheerleading outfit.' Jono told her with a snicker. 'There's promise with that one.'

**TBC…**

* * *

**Next: Half a Dozen Mutants in a Tub**

_When news comes out of the Brotherhood of Mutants attacking a top-secret SHIELD vessel holding metahuman prisoners, it's up to Storm to lead a team consisting of Wolverine, Jubilee, Colossus, Shadowcat, and Iceman to fight them._


	22. Half A Dozen Mutants In A Tub: Part 1

**Uncanny X-Men**

**Chapter 22: Half A Dozen Mutants In A Tub- Part 1**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_'Now you can't have any of my pot pie.'_** Mr Linderman (Heroes)**

* * *

**The Xavier Institute For Higher Learning-**

It was a typically boring day at the home of the X-Men. There hadn't been anything to fight for a long time. No villains were stirring, not even a Sentinel. Jubilation Lee was in the kitchen. The Asian-American mutant had decided to cook something in an attempt to occupy herself. The results had not been totally successful.

'Aww, crap in a hat!' Jubilee grimaced as she wrapped a cloth over her burning cake and dumped it into the sink. 'The cake's ruined! It took me hours to prepare as well!'

'Goddess! What has been going on?' Ororo Munroe blinked in surprise as she and several other X-Men ran into the kitchen to try and see where the plumes of smoke had been coming from.

'Geez, what'cha been doin' here?' Logan coughed as he attempted to dissipate some of the smoke with a wave of his hand. 'You been tryin' to cremate somebody?'

'It was supposed to be a cake.' Jubilee sighed as she indicated the burnt out tin that had once held her cake. Bobby Drake gave the cake a poke.

'This cake is no more. It has ceased to be.' The mutant known as Iceman quipped. 'It is an ex-cake!'

'You're not helping, Bobby.' Kitty Pryde rolled her eyes.

'You guys don't have any appreciate for the classics, do you?' Bobby sighed.

'I quite like that Blackadder programme.' Piotr Rasputin admitted, smiling fondly. 'The second series especially, with that young woman called Bob.'

'What are we going to do about my cake?' Jubilee whined, throwing up her hands in exasperation. 'It's ruined!'

'I guess the least we could do is give it an honest burial.' Bobby suggested. 'Or we could take it out back and shoot it. Y'know, borrow Wade's shotgun and put it out of its misery. I could read a eulogy if you want. Jubilee's cake, we hardly had a chance to taste ye.'

Ororo just ignored Bobby's comments and picked up the now extinguished cake out of the sink. The weather-manipulator dropped the ruined cake into a garbage bag and was about to carry it outside when Professor Xavier's astral form appeared in the kitchen.

'_To me, my X-Men!_' Astral Xavier exclaimed. '_I have dire news!_'

'What is it, Professor?' Bobby asked. 'Was the death of Jubilee's cake as if a million voices cried out in terror, and were suddenly silenced?'

'Enough with the cake jokes, Drake.' Logan told the younger mutant. 'This could be serious.'

'Aww, man. I thought everybody liked my cake jokes.' Bobby pouted.

_'Thank you, Logan.' _Astral Xavier nodded in thank. _'I shall explain everything as soon as you depart in one of the X-Jets.'_

'Well, it's about time!' Jubilee whooped, punching a fist into her palm. 'I was starting to go crazy with all this waiting for something to happen.'

'Not to mention all of the crimes against cake kind.' Bobby snickered. Jubilee had finally had enough. She leapt at the ice-wielder with an angry growl.

'You die now!'

Fortunately, Bobby was saved from getting his head kicked in when Ororo leapt in-between him and Jubilee.

'That is enough!' The white-haired mutant told the pair. The sound of thunder rumbling overhead told Bobby and Jubilee that Ororo wasn't messing around. 'This argument can wait until we get back.'

'I'll be good.' A suitably admonished Bobby nodded.

* * *

**A little while later-**

Ororo and the other five X-Men had done as Xavier had told them and had gathered in one of the X-Jets. It appeared that the Brotherhood of Mutants had just attacked the USS Arbiter, a top-secret SHIELD battleship that was allegedly used as a floating prison for superhuman criminals.

'Do we even know why the Brotherhood is attacking the Arbiter?' Kitty asked. 'What are they after this time?'

'Who is to say that they are even after something?' Piotr responded. 'The Brotherhood of Mutants are not well-known for logical thought.'

'Indeed.' Mystique nodded. 'They have not had any real purpose since Mystique lead them.'

'Plus, that Exodus guy is totally gay for Magneto.' Jubilee chipped in.

'Who cares what they're after, anyway?' Logan shrugged. 'It's our job at kick their sorry asses.'

'Not to mention saving any innocents trapped onboard.' Ororo reminded him.

'We've all got our priorities, 'Ro.' Logan shrugged. 'You worry about savin' lives an' I'll worry about doin' what I'm best at.'

The X-Men kept the chatter to a minimum as they came in to land on the USS Arbiter. From the windows they could see that the ship was in quite a state. The hi-tech fighter jets that the Arbiter carried had been smashed into flaming piles of scrap. Several SHIELD Agents turned to see the X-Men step out.

'Uh-oh, looks like we got ourselves a welcoming committee.' Jubilee grimaced as she gave the agents a wary glance.

'We come in peace, guys.' Bobby told them, holding up his hands as if he was showing everybody that he was unarmed. 'We mean you no harm!'

'What, couldn't you guys have come earlier?' One of the SHIELD Agents sniffed. 'We're getting our butts handed to us here!'

'Oh, shut up. Just be gratetful that they came at all.' Another SHIELD Agent snapped.

'Well, I'm sorry about that.' Kitty retorted. 'Would you like us to come back another time when it's more convenient?'

'Feh!' Lockheed nodded in agreement, snorting a puff of smoke in the grumpy agent's direction.

'Now that you're here, you can help us, I guess.' The agent grumbled.

'What do you need us to do?' Ororo asked.

The white-haired X-Woman soon got her answer as explosions several levels down made the ship rock underneath their feet.

'What the hell was that?' Jubilee yelped as she struggled to keep her footing.

'That was the Sentinel Containment Bay.' The SHIELD Agent explained. 'I've been telling people that those things have been trouble since the new prisoner was brought onboard, but they wouldn't listen.'

'What's wrong with the Sentinels?' Bobby asked. 'Well, apart from the usual mutant-smashing stuff?'

'The Sentinels onboard this ship can never keep to their original programming.' The agent responded. 'It's almost as if somebody's purposefully reprogrammed them.'

'Just give me a few minutes an' I'll turn those things in at scrap!' Logan grinned as he unsheathed his claws.

'I doubt that we will have a minute, _Tovarisch._' Piotr responded. 'Look!'

The six X-Men all watched as Sentinels burst out through the hull of the ship.

'MUTANT SIGNATURE DETECTED. SURRENDER, MUTANTS OR BE DESTROYED!!' One of the giant mechanical beasts boomed.

'Yeah, sure. Like _that's_ ever gonna happen.' Jubilee snickered.

Logan looked over at Piotr with an eager grin.

'I hope yer feelin' strong, Petey. Cuz I got two words for ya…'

**TBC…**

* * *

**Next: Half A Dozen Mutants In A Tub- Part 2**

_Will the X-Men be able to defeat the Sentinels? Who was the USS Arbiter carrying, and what does the Brotherhood of Mutants want with them? Tune in next time to find out…_


	23. Half A Dozen Mutants In A Tub: Part 2

**Uncanny X-Men**

**Chapter 23: Half A Dozen Mutants In A Tub- Part 2**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_'__I've been in jail longer than Nelson Mandela, so maybe you want me to run for President?'_- **Sean Connery as John Patrick Mason (The Rock)**

* * *

**The USS Arbiter, somewhere in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean-**

The six X-Men watched as the giant robotic Sentinels advanced towards them.

'MUTANT SIGNATURE DETECTED. SURRENDER, MUTANTS OR BE DESTROYED!!' The Sentinels all chimed in at once as they held out their glowing palms towards the mutant heroes. Wolverine looked at Colossus with an eager grin.

'I hope ya feelin' strong, Petey. Cuz I got two words for ya…'

With a nod, the seven-foot steel-skinned Russian picked up his feral friend and tossed him right at the Sentinel in the lead.

Wolverine unsheathed his claws with a 'SNIKT!' in mid-air and tore into the Sentinel's chest.

'SYSTEM DAMAGE SUSTAINED. COMPENSATING.' The Sentinel reported.

'_**RRAAAAGHH!!**_' Wolverine let out a roar of pain as the Sentinel that he had been fighting sent several thousand volts coursing through his adamantium skeleton.

'Well, I guess that's our sign to join in the fun.' Jubilee guessed as she blew a hole in a Sentinel's chest with her fireworks.

'And here I was thinking that Wolverine was going to get all the fun.' Iceman quipped as he hopped on an ice slide and zipped around another Sentinel's feet.

Storm took to the air and begun to call down bolts of lightning upon the mutant-hunting robots. Colossus tore off one Sentinel's leg. The giant robot lost its balance and toppled into the sea. Shadowcat simply phased through Sentinels, her powers causing the robots' electrical systems to short out, while Lockheed turned them into slag with his fire breath.

It didn't take the X-Men very long to subdue the Sentinels. For all the billions of dollars that the US Government threw at the Sentinel project, the robots were still easily taken care of.

'I hate those freakin' robots…' A smouldering Wolverine grumbled as he dusted himself off. 'And to think, this wuz a new outfit as well.'

The surviving SHIELD Agents left on the battleship picked their way through the wrecked Sentinels.

'Thanks for your work, X-Men.' The agent in charge told the mutant heroes. 'We'll clean everything up out here.'

Storm simply nodded in understanding and led her team into the lower decks of the ship. They had to stop the Brotherhood of Mutants from doing any more damage.

* * *

**Several levels down-**

The X-Men didn't find any more trouble from any put-upon SHIELD agents or any more Sentinels as they made their way down to where the Brotherhood of Mutants were supposed to be. Wolverine stopped in his tracked and sniffed the air.

'_Rrrrrr_. I'd know that stink anywhere.' The feral mutant growled. 'Sabretooth. I figgered it wuz only a matter of time before he joined the Brotherhood again.'

'It's a pleasure to see you again too, runt.' Sabretooth chuckled evilly.

'So Stormy, what's the plan?' Iceman asked as he turned to the leader of the team.

'The plan is that you die, X-Man.' An evil squawking laugh retorted.

Iceman barely had time to defend himself before Sauron swooped down and picked him up in his talons.

'Yeah, that's what all the bad guys say.' Iceman shot back as he threw a handful of ice into the green-skinned pterodactyl-man's face.

'Ahh! My eyes!' Sauron squawked in pain. 'I'm blind! I can't see!' The former lord of the Savage Land collided with a wall, making him drop Iceman, who fell unceremoniously to the floor.

'Okay, perhaps that wasn't the best idea.' The ice-wielding mutant grumbled as he rubbed his bruised backside.

Soon the rest of the Brotherhood made themselves known. Avalanche was there as always. He was joined by the another veteran Brotherhood member, the Blob. This time, however, they were joined by a new member. Random was a mutant mercenary that could adapt his body to counter any mutant power. He could also morph his arms into various firearms.

Wolverine let out an angry roar and leapt at Sabretooth, his claws bared.

'This never gets tired, runt.' Sabretooth grinned as he slashed his opponent's face with his claws. 'Hell, I'm doin' this for free. All I wanted to do was go up against you again.'

'The Brotherhood actually _pays_ you?' Wolverine shot back as he stabbed Sabretooth in the chest.

'Hey, a body's gotta earn a living.' The larger feral mutant grunted as he headbutted his foe. 'These threads didn't come cheap.'

Nearby, Jubilee was taking on the Blob.

'Haw! What're you gonna do to me, girlie?' The Blob laughed out loud. 'Nothing on earth can move me! You might as well give up and go home.'

'It's stuff like this that gets you your butt handed to you, lardo!' Jubilee shot back as she threw a handful of fireworks up in the air.

'Ya missed me, ya stupid broad!' The Blob sneered. 'Geez, you X-Men sure do suck.'

'Yeah, you just keep talking, bloat!' Jubilee retorted as she back away. 'Oh, and one more thing? Look up…'

'Huh…?' The Blob blinked in surprise as he looked up just in time to see the ceiling collapse in on him.

'That ain't gonna stop me, kid!' The rotund villain grunted as he struggled to get free. 'Gimmie a second to get outta this mess and I'll squash you like a bug.'

'Dude, you really need to learn how to talk to women properly.' Jubilee tutted as she picked up a sparking cable that had fallen from the ceiling. 'Perhaps this'll teach you a lesson…'

'_**GYAAAAAGHH!!**_' The Blob howled in pain as Jubilee shoved the cable right in her enemy's mouth. The young mutant wafted her hand in front of her face with a grimace as smoke started to emanate from the Blob's mouth.

'Damn, that's rank!'

Elsewhere, Shadowcat and Colossus were dealing with Random. No matter what the two mutant heroes threw at him, the mutant shapeshifter quickly found a way to fend off their attacks.

'You two X-Dorks don't have a chance of beating me!' The mutant-for-hire grinned as he quickly healed a hole that Colossus had just punched in his stomach. 'So why don't you just run on home?'

'Not until we stop you, Random!' Shadowcat retorted. 'We're going to stop you even if it's the last thing we do!'

'And just how are you gonna do that?' Random countered. 'I keep on adapting to your powers.'

'Then perhaps we should see how you manage something that does _not _have mutant powers.' Colossus suggested. Shadowcat nodded in agreement as she called her pet dragon to attention.

'Lockheed, get him!'

The little purple dragon leapt off his mistress's shoulders and belched fire at the enemy mutant. Random tried to put his hands up to defend himself, but the fire was too much for him.

'Ahh! Call it off!' The mutant mercenary howled. 'Tell the dragon to stop!'

* * *

**Several levels down-**

Down in the lowermost levels of the ship, was the specially designed brig that was used to carry dangerous mutant criminals. That was were Exodus, the leader of the Brotherhood, had been while his lackeys took on the X-Men. He was accompanied by McCoy, an alternate reality version of the X-Man Beast otherwise known as Dark Beast.

'This is where they should be holding your man.' McCoy remarked as he led Exodus towards their destination. 'Just give me a moment, then we'll have what we want.'

McCoy pulled out a hand that he had procured from a dead SHIELD agent and pressed it up against a pad that read the palms of those that wished to enter. The sensor beeped in the affirmative, and the door to the cell slid open to let them enter.

Exodus and McCoy walked into the cell and saw a white-haired man sitting in a clear plastic prison cell. Exodus instantly fell to one knee and bowed his head.

'My lord Magneto, we have come to free you from your imprisonment.' Exodus explained.

'You could have been a little more discreet about it, Exodus.' The Master of Magnetism sighed as he got up to his feet. 'I trust that you have already disabled the power dampeners?'

'I had McCoy take care of it personally.' Exodus told his leader. 'We shall teach those accursed humans for imprisoning you, my lord.'

'Yes, yes.' Magneto waved the telekinetic's words away. 'That can wait.'

Magneto clutched his wrist as he used his powers of magnetism to yank out the screws that held the cell door in place.

'I dare say that the X-Men are already here.' Magneto stated as he used his powers to change the iron particles in the air into a new outfit for himself.

'They shall be the first to fall, my lord.' Exodus explained. 'The rest of your Brotherhood are dealing with them right now.'

'Leave the X-Men be for now.' Magneto ordered his minion. 'I have no quarrel with them just yet.'

'But my lord…' Exodus began to respond, but Magneto cut him off.

'Exodus, call the rest of the Brotherhood together.' The Master of Magnetism instructed. 'We're leaving.'

* * *

**Back with the X-Men-**

The X-Men stopped fighting as the Brotherhood began to disappear as they were teleported away.

'Aww, man!' Iceman grumbled. 'Just when I was getting warmed up.'

'What the hell was _that_ about?' Wolverine growled. 'It ain't like the Brotherhood to just up and disappear.'

'Perhaps they attained what they came here for.' Storm suggested. 'And if it is who I think it is, we are in for a lot of trouble…'

**TBC…**

* * *

**Next: Crisis in Canada-**

_Nightcrawler, Cable, Domino, Mystique, Angel, and Marrow chase the Brotherhood to Canada, where the evil mutants plan to hijack a nuclear power plant._


	24. Crisis In Canada: Part 1

**The Uncanny X-Men**

**Chapter 24: Crisis in Canada- Part 1**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_'__Hey! Where did you get those clothes? At the...toilet...store?'_**- Brick Tamland (Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy)**

* * *

**The Xavier Institute For Higher Learning-**

The former Morlock known as Sarah was walking along a corridor of the Xavier Institute with Warren Worthington, the winged X-Man known as Angel. The pair had struck up a friendship ever since Sarah had helped rescue Warren from Masque's Morlocks several weeks ago. **(1)**

'There's no need to follow me around all the time.' Sarah told her companion. 'I'm a big girl. I can handle myself.'

'Hey, I like spending time with you, Sarah.' Warren pointed out. 'Is that so wrong?'

'I guess not.' Sarah smiled slightly. 'It's nice to know that at least one person here likes me.'

'Don't be so hard on yourself.' Warren reassured his companion. 'Plenty of people like you.'

'Oh yeah?' Sarah frowned. 'Name them.'

The winged mutant was about to make a response when an astral projection of Jean Grey appeared before them.

'_Warren, Sarah, we've got a situation in the War Room._' The veteran X-Woman explained. '_Get there as soon as you can. I'll explain everything once everybody arrives._'

Jean's astral projection then disappeared as suddenly as it had appeared. Warren and Sarah both looked at each other in confusion.

'I wonder what that was about.' Warren blinked.

'Hell if I know.' Sarah shrugged. 'We'd better go see what's up. There might be bad guys that need their butts kicked.'

* * *

**The War Room-**

Once Warren and Sarah had arrived in the War Room they noticed that they weren't the only X-Men that had been summoned. Banshee, Cable, Domino, and Mystique were there as well. Scott Summers and Jean Grey were standing in front of the group waiting to brief the team on their mission.

'Now that Warren and Sarah have joined us I can tell you why you were all called here.' Scott told the group as he activated a holographic projector that beamed the image of a nuclear power station in front of the team of mutants. 'A short while ago Cerebro detected a heavy concentration of mutant activity at this nuclear power station in Canada.'

The holographic image changed to that of a group of people that the X-Men knew all too well. It was Magneto and the Brotherhood of Mutants.

'Well, I guess it's safe tae assume what the Brotherhood were after when they attacked that top secret SHIELD battleship prison.' Banshee remarked. **(2)**

'It was only a matter of time before Magneto reared his ugly head again.' Mystique sniffed.

'So says the woman that used to work for him.' Domino snorted.

'Technically, Magneto and I never worked with the Brotherhood of Mutants at the same time.' Mystique pointed out. 'But then you'd know that if you bothered to do your homework, which you didn't.'

'If you're both finished?' Jean frowned at the pair. 'We don't know what the Brotherhood wants from the power station, but it's bound to be bad.'

'Then we'd better get out there and stop them.' Cable suggested. 'Before they blow the whole place to kingdom come.'

* * *

**The Blackbird, Later-**

The team of X-Men was heading towards Canada onboard the Blackbird. Banshee was in the pilot's seat while the rest of the team sat behind him.

'How do we know that Mystique isn't working for Magneto?' Domino whispered to Cable. 'She could be waiting for the right moment to stab us in the back.'

'I prefer to believe the best in people, Dom.' Cable told his partner. 'You were always too suspicious anyway.'

'Being suspicious has kept me alive, hasn't it?' Domino pointed out. 'You can't let your guard down for a single second.'

'You can trust me, can't you?' Cable asked. 'And Scott and Jean. What about the rest of the X-Men?'

'That's different.' Domino sighed. 'They're not allegedly reformed villains.'

'Tell that to Rogue, Juggernaut, and Deadpool.' Cable reminded her. 'You'd trust them with your life, right?'

'I wouldn't trust Deadpool with a used tissue.' Domino sneered.

'But you'd be willing to look after his children.' Cable countered.

Domino shook her head with a sigh. She knew she couldn't win the argument, so she might as well give up.

'We're approaching the nuclear power station.' Banshee announced from the pilot's seat. 'Radiation levels seem to be normal, so we're in no immediate danger.'

'Great, we're not going to die from radiation poisoning.' Marrow rolled her eyes. 'But we could still die when we run into the Brotherhood.'

'Then let's not give them the chance.' Angel grinned. 'Bring us in to land, Sean. It's time to kick some Brotherhood ass!'

* * *

**Inside the power station-**

Once Banshee had brought the Blackbird in to land, the sextet of X-Men headed into the nuclear power station to investigate what the Brotherhood of Mutants was up to. They had brought a Geiger counter with them to detect whether the radiation posed them any danger.

'The Brotherhood certainly don't mess around, do they?' Domino frowned as she looked around at the chaos that the team of evil mutants had wrought. 'You'd think that they'd be more careful in a place like this.'

'I wish we knew what they wanted here.' Angel said. 'Then we'd know how to stop them.'

'The Brotherhood could be after any number of things.' Cable explained. 'Plutonium to make weapons, for instance. It isn't outside Magneto's skills to make his own nuclear weapons.'

'Sounds like a waste of time to me.' Marrow sniffed. 'There are plenty of mutants with enough power to nuke a place. Why not use one of them?'

'Who knows what sort of things go on in Magneto's head?' Banshee shrugged. 'Charles would know, but he's away on a business trip.'

'Who cares what's going on in that monster's head.' Mystique sneered. 'I just want to stop him!'

'That's a fine way to talk about your friends, Mystique.' Domino retorted.

'The Brotherhood aren't my friends!' Mystique snapped at the former mercenary. 'Not any more.'

'Stop arguing, you two.' Cable hushed the two women. 'Or you'll blow out cover.'

'That's if they don't already know that we're here.' Angel pointed out.

Cable stopped suddenly and raised his hand for silence.

'Wait. There's somebody here.'

'What do you mean, somebody?' Domino asked. 'Is it the Brotherhood?'

Cable held out his hand and used his telekinesis to move some wreckage aside to reveal a radiation suit-wearing worker cowering there.

'Please! don't hurt me!' The man begged as he held his arms up in front of his face.

'We're no' here to hurt ye.' Banshee reassured the worker. 'We're the X-Men. We're here to help.'

'Oh, thank God.' The worker let out a sigh of relief. 'I thought you were one of them, the evil mutants.'

'Do you know what they wanted?' Angel asked the worker.

'I don't know what they want.' The worker shook his head. 'They just came out of nowhere and attacked. I did hear one thing though before I blacked out. They're after the plutonium in the core of the power station. They didn't say what they wanted it for.'

'It looks like you're right, Nate.' Domino told her partner. 'The Brotherhood _do_ want the plutonium to make their own weapons!'

'Then we have less time than we thought.' Cable realised. 'We have to stop the Brotherhood before they steal that plutonium!'

**TBC…**

* * *

**Next: Crisis in Canada-**

_Will the X-Men be able to stop Magneto and the Brotherhood of Mutants before they steal the plutonium? Tune in next time to find out…_

* * *

**Author's Notes-**

**(1)- **_Marrow helped the X-Men rescue Angel from Masque's Morlocks in '_Uncanny New X-Men._'_

**(2)- **_The Brotherhood sprung Magneto from prison last chapter._


	25. Crisis in Canada: Part 2

**The Uncanny X-Men**

**Chapter 25: Crisis in Canada- Part 2**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to Marvel Comics._

_

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_

'_What?! Compare ME to BATMAN?! I've got more style! More brains! I'm certainly a better dresser!'_**- The Joker (Batman: The Animated Series)**

* * *

**Inside a nuclear power station somewhere in Canada-**

Cable held his hand up and motioned for the rest of the X-Men to be quiet.

'_I'm sensing somebody nearby._' Cable warned the team telepathically. '_And they're not workers._'

'_Then what are we waiting for?_' Marrow asked. '_Let's go kick their asses!_'

'_Not so fast, Sarah…_' Banshee told the former Morlock. '_We cannae just charge in. One false move and we could send this place sky-high._'

'_Then what do you suggest, Irish?_' Marrow responded. '_Are we just going to stand here and gossip like old women?_'

'_I've got just the thing…_' Mystique grinned as she attached a silencer to her gun and ducked into a nearby alcove to await her quarry. The other X-Men followed suit and sought cover.

'I'm telling you, I heard somebody.' The saurian mutant known as Sauron grumbled as he trudged along the corridor, unaware of the people waiting for him.

'You worry too much, Lykos.' Avalanche rolled his eyes. 'I can't remember you ever being this much of a wuss.'

'I am not a wuss.' Sauron retorted. 'I have just learned to be wary. You know that the X-Men are going to find out our plans and attack us.'

'That's all part of the plan.' Avalanche chuckled. 'When the X-Men get here, we set the timers and blow this place to kingdom come. We would have teleported out of here before they even realise what's going on.'

_**BLAM!**_

Avalanche gawked in surprise as Sauron fell to the floor with a bullet hole in the middle of his head.

'Make one move and I'll bleed you like a leech.' Marrow warned as she sprung up behind Avalanche and held a bone knife to his throat.

'You shot Sauron!' Avalanche spluttered in disbelief. 'You shot him in the head!'

'He'll get better.' Cable shrugged. 'Sauron has an annoying habit of being shot in the head. I shot know. I've shot him a couple of times myself.'

'You know I could shake you guys to pieces, right?' Avalanche asked.

'In the middle of a nuclear power station?' Domino snorted in derision. 'Not even you are that stupid, Avalanche.'

'You're not going to kill me… are you?' Avalanche gulped nervously. 'You X-Men aren't supposed to kill… right?'

'To be honest, the thought had kind of occurred to me.' Marrow admitted. 'God knows you deserve it.'

'No, we're just going to give you a little nap.' Cable said as he knocked out Avalanche with a psi-blast. 'Nighty-night.'

'What are we going to do with Sauron?' Angel enquired. 'It won't take him long to get over being shot in the head.'

'I'll put a psionic block on him.' Cable said as he placed a hand on Sauron's forehead. 'He'll be out for hours.'

* * *

**A little while later-**

Elsewhere in the power station Dark Beast and Sabretooth were just finishing setting the charges.

'Avalanche and Sauron are taking their time.' Dark Beast said.

'I never figured you as the type to give a crap, McCoy.' Sabretooth snickered. 'You growin' soft or somethin'?'

'It couldn't be further from the truth, my dear Creed.' The alternate evil version of the X-Men's Beast responded. 'I was merely wondering what was holding them up.'

Sabretooth sniffed the air and an evil grin spread across his face.

'Sure took you losers long enough to get here.' Sabretooth growled as the X-Men approached them. 'But yer already too late, we got what we came for.'

'Well, that's just too bad.' Domino retorted as she took aim on the feral mutant. 'We might have lost that plutonium, but we'll be perfectly happy to take it out on you.'

'Heh.' Sabretooth chuckled. 'I was hopin' you'd say that.'

'Oh, stars and garters…' Dark Beast groaned into his hands as Sabretooth leapt at the X-men.'Why did I have to be lumbered with this imbecile?'

_**BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM!**_

Cable and Domino both opened fire on the charging Sabretooth, filling him full of bullet holes.

'That all you got…?' The bloodied Sabretooth growled as he slowly got up to his feet. 'What about you, Misty? Ain't you gonna shoot me too? Or are you gettin' soft in yer old age too?'

'Drop dead, Creed.' Mystique sneered as she took aim and shot her former lover right between the eyes.

_**BLAM!**_

'It looks like I was mistaken about you, Mystique.' Domino nodded in appreciation at he teammates work. 'I guess you're one of us after all.'

'Hey! McCoy's getting away!' Angel announced as he indicated the retreating Dark Beast.

'He's mine!' Marrow snarled as she dashed after him.

'Sarah, wait!' Banshee called after the former Morlock, but it was too late. She had already gone.

'Warren, you and Sean get after her.' Cable told the winged mutant. 'I'll take care of the detonators.'

Angel nodded in understanding and flew after his teammate with Banshee in hot pursuit.

* * *

**Elsewhere-**

Dark Beast panted heavily as he tried to look for a way to escape from the X-Men.

'I knew I should have refused to join the Brotherhood.' The grey-furred mutant panted as he struggled to open a door. 'These teleport module that Exodus gave me is useless. I should never have lowered myself to their level. I am above such things as petty terrorism. I'm a scientist, dammit.'

'You going somewhere, McCoy?' Marrow asked as she popped up behind Dark Beast and pressed a bone knife against his back. 'You're not leaving already, are you?'

'If you were half as tough as you think you are, you would have killed me already.' Dark Beast told her. 'What would the rest of Gene Nation think if they saw you now, hmm? What would they say if they knew that you were one of the X-Men?'

'Don't try to mess with my head, old man!' Marrow snarled as she pressed her dagger harder into her enemy's back.

'If you really wished to kill me, you would have done it long ago.' Dark Beast retorted. 'You are nothing but a coward, Sarah.'

'You son of a…' Marrow snarled as she prepared to gut her enemy, but one moment's hesitation was all Dark Beast needed as he grabbed hold of the former Morlock's arm and threw her against the wall.

'Well, I wish I could stay and fight, but I am afraid that I must depart.' Dark Beast said as he finally managed to activate his teleport module. 'Ta-ta.'

'Dammit!' Marrow growled as she pounded her fists on the floor.

'Sarah, are you okay?' Angel asked concernedly as he flew towards his teammate. 'Where's Dark Beast?'

'The bastard got away.' Marrow sighed as she allowed her teammate to help her up.

'It looks like ye took a nasty knock there.' Banshee said once he noticed the cut on Marrow's head.

'I'll be fine.' Marrow reassured him as she brushed off the Irish mutant's attempts to help. 'Let's get out of here. I'm sick of this place.'

* * *

**Later-**

Once Cable had deactivated the charges, and the Canadian authorities had taken away the three members of the Brotherhood that Dark Beast had left behind, the X-Men boarded the Blackbird and headed on home.

'We might not have stopped the Brotherhood from stealing that plutonium, but we did manage tae lock up three of their members.' Banshee smiled at the team. 'We have tae look on the bright side.'

'I can't believe I got taken out like a rookie!' Marrow growled. 'I shouldn't have that him get in my head like that.'

'Don't beat yourself up over it, Sarah.' Angel reassured his friend. 'We all have off days. Besides, we're bound to come up against the Brotherhood again soon. Magneto isn't one to keep his head down for too long.'

'I still feel bad for mouthing off about you like that.' Domino apologised to Mystique. 'You did real good in there, Mystique.'

'Oh, forget it.' The blue-skinned shapeshifter waved away the pale-skinned mercenary's concerns. 'You didn't do too bad yourself, Dom. We came a pretty good team.'

'Yeah, we should do this kind of thing more often.' Domino nodded.

'Just as long as it stops you two from squabbling.' Cable turned from his position in the pilot's seat. 'You guys bicker more than Jean and Emma.'

**TBC…**

**

* * *

**

**Next: All Change**

_Cyclops decides that it's time to shake things up a bit. Who will be on which team? Which teams will be reformed? Tune in next time to find out…_


	26. All Change

**The Uncanny X-Men**

**Chapter 26: All Change**

**By**

**The Uncanny X-Men**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to Marvel Comics._

_

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'_Get your stinking paws off me, you dirty human!'_**- Solovar (Justice League: ****The Brave And The Bold)**

**

* * *

**

**The Xavier Institute For Higher Learning-**

The Xavier Institute for Higher Learning was a hive of activity as students and adult X-Men alike milled about the corridors. Cyclops had just announced the new team rosters and everybody was eager to see who was on which team.

Kitty Pryde phased through the group surrounding the notice board where Cyclops had pinned the new rosters.

'Hey no fair pushing, Pryde.' Rachel Grey grumbled. 'You'll have to wait in line like the rest of us.'

'Heh.' Lockheed chuckled from his perch atop Kitty's shoulder.

'Don't be such a baby, Ray.' Kitty stuck her tongue out at her friend. Kitty whooped in glee when she read one of the rosters. 'Alright! We're on the same team!'

'_I'm_ the one being a baby?' Rachel snorted. 'Who's the one that just stuck her tongue out and is presently doing a little victory dance in a crowded corridor?'

'Quiet, you.' Kitty teased her friend as he leant in closer to see who else was on the team with her. 'Blue Team. Team leader: Storm. Hey, that's a given. Who else is there…? August, Colossus, Gambit, Nightcrawler, Psylocke, Rogue, and Wolverine.'

'Who's in the Gold Team?' Rachel enquired. 'I didn't get a chance to look after _somebody_ barged in.'

Ignoring her friend's comments, Kitty began to read the members of the other team of X-Men.

'Gold team. Team leader: Cyclops. Heh, I would have never guessed. Other members are… Angel, Banshee, Beast, Emma Frost, Havok, Iceman, Jean Grey, Moira MacTaggart, and Polaris.'

'It'll be a pity that we won't get to see Mom and Emma sniping at each other.' Rachel smiled.

'Yeah, that sort of thing's always good for a laugh.' Kitty nodded. 'Ooh, there's another team here.'

Kitty began to read from the list of team members once more.

'X-Force? Oh boy, I've got a bad feeling about that.' Kitty grimaced. 'Team leader: Cable. Other members are… Domino, Marrow, Mystique, and Sage.' **(1)**

'I wonder what that's all about.' Rachel scrathed her head in confusion. 'Do you think Dad's forming his own black ops team of X-Men?'

'I guess so.' Kitty nodded. 'I wish he'd call it something other than X-Force. That name brings back bad memories.'

'Heh. Says you.' Deadpool snickered as he leant over Kitty's shoulder to peer at the team rosters. 'You were never there in the old days of big guns and bad babes. It was all very… Liefeldian.'

'Aren't you peeved that Betsy's on a team and you're not?' Kitty blinked.

'I'm happy for her.' The former Merc-With-A-Mouth replied. 'It gives me more time to spend with the kids. Plus, I'll get to have adventures on my own now without the missus looking over my shoulder. That reminds me, I'd better get recruiting. My new team needs members!'

Kitty and Rachel just looked at each other with bewilderment. Sometimes they wondered why Cyclops let such a loony become an X-Man.

'C'mon, Pryde…' Rachel grinned as she put an arm around her friend's shoulders. 'Let's go see if Dad's got a mission for us. There's bound to be some sort of evildoings going on.'

As Kitty and Rachel walked down the corridor they passed Jubilee, who also had just read the new team rosters. She wasn't best pleased.

'What the hell?!' The Asian mutant spluttered in disbelief. 'Why aren't I on the team? I beat up the Mandarin for crying out loud!' **(2)**

'You weren't the only one that beat the Mandarin, Jubes.' Paige Guthrie told her friend. 'The other X-Men were there as well, remember?'

'Summers hasn't heard the last of this…' Jubilee fumed as she stomped away. 'I'll show him who gets left off which team…' **(3)**

* * *

**The War Room, later-**

Once Kitty and Rachel had taken their places in the War Room, it didn't take the rest of the members of their team to join them. In the middle of the room was a holographic projection of the globe with various parts highlighted, indicating different threats. The Hellfire Club and Masque's Morlocks in New York, the Church of Humanity in Utah, the Savage Land Mutates in the Savage Land, Magneto and the Brotherhood in Genosha, and many others.

'Looks like everybody's after us nowadays, 'Ro.' Logan said as he looked at the holographic globe. 'Just when you think all the bad guys're dead, they come back to bit ya in the butt.'

'I for one am particularly disturbed to see that the Church of Humanity are active again.' Kurt sighed sadly as he pointed at the red dot in Utah. 'I thought they had been dealt with for good.'

'People like that never stay dead for long, Fuzzy.' August told her lover, putting a comforting arm around him. 'As soon as you take on one mutant-hating loony, a bunch more pop up to take their place.'

'You know the saying, nature abhors a vacuum.' Kitty nodded in agreement. 'I guess the X-Men's work is never done, huh?'

'It may be a thankless job Katya, but we will fight.' Piotr smiled at his partner. 'It is what the X-Men do.'

'So, who are we gonna go after first, Stormie?' Remy asked his team leader, an excited grin on his face.

'I thought would could start off closer to home.' Ororo told her team. 'Let's see what the Hellfire Club is up to. They have been quiet for too long. They must be up to something. Also Remy, _please_ don't call me Stormy.'

'Are y'all sure that's such a wise idea?' Rogue enquired. 'I mean, won't the Hellfire Club kinda take it personally if we just barge in unannounced?'

'Which is precisely why Rachel will be hiding our true appearances from them.' Ororo explained. 'That is if you're up to it.'

'Pff. That's easy.' Rachel laughed. 'Hiding the X-Men is child's play. What do you want me to do next, something really difficult? I've been having trouble with my juggling recently.'

'Don't get too cocky, kid.' Logan warned the redhead. 'Things like this usually have a habit of fallin' apart.'

'Were you _ever_ this much of a worrywart?' Rachel rolled her eyes. 'The worst thing that could happen is that we end up getting captured. We'd be able to get out of that fix in a jiffy. Today's Hellfire Club is nothing compared to what it was back in the day.'

'I have to agree with Rachel.' Kitty chipped in. 'As much as I hate to admit it, Emma Frost sure knew how to run a tight ship when she was in charge. Heck, most of the Hellfire Club's Inner Circle are dead now, or working for the good guys.'

'Then everything is settled.' Ororo nodded. 'We shall go to investigate the Hellfire Club.'

* * *

**Next: We Bring You Hellfire**

_The X-Men head off to investigate the Hellfire Club. Surely the Hellfire Club couldn't be up to anything suspicious… could they?_

* * *

**Author's Notes-**

**(1)- **_For the ongoing adventures of Cable and co, be sure to check out '_Uncanny X-_Force'. Coming soon!_

**(2)- **_With the help of Iron Man, Jubilee and the X-Men beat the Mandarin in _**'**Uncanny New X-Men'**.**

**(3)- **_For the further adventures of Jubilee and friends, be sure to check out _'Uncanny Generation-X'**. **_Also coming soon!_


	27. We Bring You Hellfire: Part 1

**Uncanny X-Men**

**Chapter 27: We Bring You Hellfire- Part 1**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to Marvel Comics._

_

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**Manhattan-**

It was quite a cold winter's night in the city of Manhattan, but that didn't stop the city's more affluent residents from going about their business. They were heading towards a large exclusive-looking red-bricked mansion. The Hellfire Club was throwing another party and everybody who was anybody were invited.

Unknown to the other guests, they were about to receive some party crashers. The X-Men were growing suspicious of the Hellfire Club's activities, or the lack thereof. That was why Cyclops had dispatched a team of X-Xen to go under over and investigate whether the Hellfire Club was indeed up to no good.

A stretch limousine containing the incognito X-Men pulled up outside the building, and one of the servants stepped up to open the door for the occupants.

'It's lucky Emma let us borrow her limo for the night.' Kitty Pryde said. 'Otherwise we'd have to get a ride in a cab, and that wouldn't look good for guests of the Hellfire Club, would it?'

'The boys don't know what they're missing.' August grinned as she stepped out of the limousine. 'Logan's sneaking them in through the back through the sewers.'

'Ah just hope that they clean up after they get out.' Rogue added. 'The stink'll only give them away.'

'I reckon it's nice to get dressed up and have a night out once in a while.' Psylocke added as she followed the group up the steps leading to the front door. 'Okay, the dresses are only holographic projections hiding our work clothes and we're here on a mission, but that doesn't mean we can't have a good time while we're here.'

'Uh-oh.' Rachel Grey grimaced. 'They're checking invitations. I'd better take care of it.'

The group of X-Ladies stepped up to the door where more servants were checking for invitations to make sure that no riff-raff were allowed in.

'Invitations, please.' The servant requested, holding out his hand.

'You don't need to see our invitations.' Rachel said, using her telepathy to cloud the man's mind. 'You're going to let is go in anyway.'

'I don't need to see your invitations.' The servant repeated. 'I'm going to let you go in anyway.'

The servant waved the ladies through, totally unaware of the fact that he had been conned.

'Heh. I think you forgot to add that these weren't the droids he was looking for, Ray.' Kitty smirked.

'Joking can wait until later.' Storm told the younger mutant. 'We have to investigate whether the Hellfire Club is up to no good. Things have been far too quiet recently. They are undoubtedly planning something big.'

'I say we head into the ballroom first.' Psylocke suggested. 'Everybody's heading that way. It would look pretty suspicious if we split off from the main group so early.'

'Yes, we will have to find a later time to sneak away and investigate.' Storm nodded in agreement. 'Then we will meet back up with Logan and the others to compare notes.'

The quintet of ladies followed the mass of people heading towards the ballroom. They would have to meet up with Wolverine and the others later.

* * *

**The sewers-**

Several floors below the main ballroom were the sewers that ran underneath the Hellfire Club's mansion. It was there that Wolverine and the other X-Men had decided to sneak in through the back way. There was a secret entrance in the sewers underneath the mansion. They intended to sneak in through there and investigate the activities of the Hellfire Club without being seen, or so they hoped.

'Remind me again why we decided to sneak in through the sewers, _mein freund._' Nightcrawler said as he crawled above his teammates' heads.

'Cuz those were the orders that 'Ro gave us.' Wolverine explained.

'Since when have you ever taken orders, _mon ami?_' Gambit enquired with a smirk. 'Or do you only have a problem wit' authority whenever Cyclops is de one in charge?'

'Cut the chatter, Gumbo.' Wolverine told him. 'I can't hear anything with you gossiping like an old woman.'

'Surely this secret entrance will not have many guards posted there.' Colossus said. 'Who in their right mind would wish to stand guard in a sewer?'

'Hey, the Hellfire Club's goons ain't paid to think, Petey.' Wolverine pointed out. 'They're paid to do what they're told.'

The feral mutant stopped walking as he took a moment to sniff the air. Mingled in with all the usual smells of a sewer was the smell of two humans guarding the secret entrance.

'We got two guards in front of us.' Wolverine announced to his fellow X-Men. 'I'm gonna take care of 'em.'

'_Tovarisch_, wait.' Colossus shook his head as he put his hand on his feral teammate's shoulder, preventing him from charging off and slicing up the guards when there wasn't any need. 'We cannot just attack those men. What if the Hellfire Club is not up to trouble? You would have killed two innocent men.'

'Elf, I guess it's up to you.' Wolverine sighed.

'It will be my pleasure_, mein freund._' Nightcrawler grinned before he teleported away to take care of the guards.

_**BAMF!**_

_**POW! BIFF! SMACK!**_

'The coast is clear now.' Nightcrawler called to his teammates as he beckoned for them to follow him through the door he had opened. 'The guards are taking a nap.'

'Sweet dreams, _mes amis._' Gambit grinned as he saluted the unconscious guards.

The four X-Men stopped once they passed over the threshold. The place was in darkness. Somebody must have been very conscious about conserving electricity.

'Where do we go now, Logan?' Colossus asked. 'I am not too familiar with the layout of this mansion.'

'You will go nowhere X-Man, except to your doom!' A voice taunted them in the darkness.

Wolverine let out an angry growl and unsheathed his claws.

_**SNIKT!**_

'I should recognised that stink a yours the minute we got here, Leland.' Wolverine growled.

'_Harry Leland?' _Nightcrawler blinked in surprise. 'The former Black Bishop? Isn't he supposed to be dead?'

'Oui, Gambit read about dat in de X-Men's archives.' The Cahun mutant nodded. 'Leland bit de big one battling Nimrod. Overused his powers and got a heart attack.'

'You X-Men aren't the only ones who have a habit of coming back from the dead.' The not-so deceased former Black Bishop grinned. 'I'm sure that you'd just love to hear about our plans, but I'm afraid that I just can't let you. I'm afraid that you have to die!'

* * *

**Meanwhile-**

Storm and the other ladies had managed to sneak away from the party and were snooping around the mansion.

'I haven't heard anything from the boys.' Rachel whispered in concern. 'You don't think they're in trouble, do you?'

'They're most probably having too much fun enjoying themselves.' Psylocke suggested. 'You know what they're like sometimes.'

'I'm afraid that I have to agree with Rachel.' Storm shook her head. 'Logan would have reported in by now whether he had found anything of interest or not.'

Rachel held up her hand, signalling the group to stop.

'Wait, I can sense something…'

'_**RWAWR!**_'

'Rogue, look out!' The redheaded telepath yelled, but it was already too late. The attacker leapt from the balcony above their heads to land on top of Rogue. The attacker was a seemingly feral man with mutton chops and a beard.

'Get offa me, ya big lug!' Rogue grimaced as she tried to free herself from the slathering beast's grasp.

'Freddy, heel!'

The feral man let go of Rogue and darted over to the woman that had just called him, a raven-haired woman with tanned skin and the skimpy leather ensemble of a Black Queen of the Hellfire Club.

'You're gonna regret that, missy.' Rogue glowered at the woman. 'I'm gonna kick your butt from here to the banks of the Mississippi.'

'No, I don't think you will.' The Black Queen shook her head. 'Otherwise I'll have my guards kill your friends and then I'll feed Freddy the remains.'

'I thought I recognised him!' Kitty groaned in realisation. 'Frederich von Roehm! He used to be the Black Rook. He's supposed to be dead.'

'Let's just say that the Hellfire Club has a few more tricks up their sleeves than the last time you met us.' The Black Queen smiled. 'Oh, where are my manners? I'm Benazir Kaur. I think it would be wise if you followed me.'

'Are we _really _going to do what she says?' Rachel scowled. 'I say we take her down!'

'Rachel, we can't risk it.' Storm shook her head, before continuing the conversation telepathically so the Black Queen couldn't hear them. '_We might as well see what the Hellfire Club has planned, _then_ we can take them down._'

**TBC…**

**

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**Next: We Bring You Hellfire- Part 2**

_What is it that the Hellfire Club is planning? Will Wolverine and the boys die at the hand of Harry Leland and his goons? Tune in next time to find out!_


	28. We Bring You Hellfire: Part 2

**Uncanny X-Men**

**Chapter 28: We Bring You Hellfire- Part 2**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to Marvel Comics._

_

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_

**The Hellfire Club-**

A plan to go undercover at the Hellfire Club to investigate any possible plans against the X-Men had gone awry when Storm and her team had been captured by the very ones they had been sent to investigate. The male X-Men had been surprised by a not-so dead Harry Leland while the ladies fell a cropper of the new Black Queen.

In the lower levels of the club, Harry Leland was toying with Wolverine while his guards held of the others. Leland used his powers to flatten Wolverine to the ground before kicking him in the ribs.

_**CRACK!**_

'Do you have any last words, X-Men?' Leland struck the feral mutant across the face. 'Any last words before I kill you and the rest of your fellow heroes?'

'Yeah, I got a few words for ya…' Wolverine growled as he spat out a globule of bloody spittle. 'Touch me again and I'll kill ya.'

Leland just laughed out loud at that and struck Wolverine again.

_**POW!**_

_**SNIKT!**_

'_**RRRAAAGHH!!'**_

Wolverine unsheathed his claws and let out a feral yell as he stabbed Leland under the chin, the tips of his claws poking out through the top of the villain's head. X-Men and Hellfire Club guards alike looked on aghast.

'_Mein Gott, _Logan!' Nightcrawler grimaced. 'Was that really necessary?'

'You can't say I didn't warn him.' Wolverine shrugged as he removed his claws from Leland's face. Leland's body fell to the ground with a thump.

'F-freeze.' One of the guards stammered as he aimed his gun at Wolverine. 'D-don't make me shoot you…'

'Oh, quiet you.' Nightcrawler sighed as he punched the guard in the face, knocking him out.

_**POW!**_

Colossus and Gambit followed suit as they dealt with the other guards.

'Now, _dis_ is more like it!' Gambit grinned as he grabbed one of the guards by the arm and tossed him over his shoulder before kicking him in the head.

_**CRACK!**_

'I almost feel glad dat we got caught.' The Cajun mutant grinned as he tossed a handful of kinetically-charged cards at more guards.

'I wish I shared your happiness for a good fight, Gambit.' Colossus sighed as he knocked the heads of two more guards together.

_**CLONK!**_

'I hope the ladies are having more luck…'

* * *

**Upstairs-**

Benazir Kaur, the latest Black Queen of the Hellfire Club, had brought the captured female X-Men to the Black King for sentencing. The Hellfire Club didn't take kindly to people snooping on them, so Storm knew that the punishment would be severe.

Sitting on a throne in front of them was Shinobi Shaw, the new Black King. Shinobi was the son of Sebastian Shaw, the former White King. The younger Shaw had gone into hiding after a plan to overthrow his father fell through. Once news reached Shinobi that his father had fallen afoul of a plan to summon Shuma-Gorath, the younger Shaw returned to the Hellfire Club to take over the reigns once more. **(1)**

'It's a pity that my father couldn't be here to see this.' Shinobi chuckled evilly. 'I'm about to do what he was never able to do, namely kill the X-Men!'

'Oh yeah, you're a big man alright.' Shadowcat sneered. 'How about you release us from these restraining collars and we show you who's going to kill who?'

'_Grrrr!_' Frederick von Roehm, the feral Black Rook growled at the X-Woman.

'You had better watch your tongue, Ms Pryde.' The Black Queen warned her. 'Lest I cut it out and feed it to dear old Freddie.'

'Better yet, leave these collars on us and see what we can do.' Marvel Girl retorted. 'We don't need our powers to kick your heads in!'

'I really should have invested in some gags as well.' Shinobi sighed heavily. 'Where the hell is Leland with the rest of the X-Men?'

_**KRAKOOM!!**_

The three remaining members of the Hellfire Club's inner circle were sent scattering when one of the guards came crashing right through the floor.

'Fashionably late as always, Remy.' Rogue sighed. 'Now, how about y'all do something about these collars?'

'Your wish is Gambit's command, _cherie_.' Gambit grinned as he went about releasing the ladies.

'_**Grrrragh!**_' Von Roehm let out an angry growl as he leapt at Shadowcat, only for the X-Man to turn intangible. The feral Black Rook ended up pouncing right through her.

'Bad doggie.' Shadowcat quipped as the feral Von Roehm was swatted to one side by Marvel Girl's telekinesis.

'I suppose that we will never know what the Hellfire Club was up to.' Storm sighed as she sent the Black Queen flying with a perfectly-aimed lightning bolt to the chest.

'Like we care.' Rogue scoffed as she punched one of the guards across the room. 'Y'all can bet that it was something bad.'

'It has to have something to do with bringing old members back from the dead, I suppose.' Psylocke surmised as she kicked one of the Hellfire guards in the head. 'God knows what would have happened if we didn't get here when we did.'

'It's not like there are many people left for the Hellfire Club to bring back to life.' August shrugged as she lobbed a fireball at another guard. 'Everybody's more or less back from the dead anyway.'

'Wait, where has Shaw gone?' Storm enquired as she looked around for any sign of the Black King.

'Aww, crap.' Wolverine growled. 'he must have made a getaway during all the confusion.'

'So much for staying loyal to the Hellfire Club.' Colossus sniffed. 'Should we not try and follow him?'

'There's no need, Peter.' Nightcrawler answered. 'He may be many miles away already.'

'At least we've got de rest of de Hellfire Club.' Gambit said as he looked around at the defeated villains. 'Dese two aren't going anywhere.'

'Leland sure as hell ain't going anywhere neither.' Wolverine smirked. 'He's dead. Again.'

'I gathered as much.' Storm sighed. 'You never were one to use subtlety, Logan.'

'Hey, don't knock it until you tried it, 'Ro.' Wolverine grinned. 'I don't know about you guys, but I need a beer. All this fightin' has made me pretty thirsty.'

'Yeah, beer.' Shadowcat nodded. 'Beer is good.'

**TBC…**

**

* * *

**

**Next: Beer Time**

_The men have a night out at Harry's Hideaway while the ladies have a girls night in._


	29. Beer Time

**The Uncanny X-Men**

**Chapter 29: Beer Time**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to Marvel Comics._

_

* * *

_

**Harry's Hideaway-**

Logan downed the last of his beer and licked his lips with a contented sigh.

'Okay, it's your round, elf.'

'Slow down there, _mein freund._' Kurt Wagner told his friend. 'Not everybody has a healing factor like you. Some of us prefer to savour the flavour of the beer instead of chugging it like there's no tomorrow.'

'Where's the fun in that?' Logan tutted. 'Now, are you gonna buy more beers or what?'

'Fine.' Kurt sighed as he dug into his pocket for some money. 'Anything for a little peace.'

Remy looked over at a nearby booth where several attractive young women were giggling and pointing in Logan's direction.

'It looks like you got some female attention, _homme._' The Cajun mutant stated. 'Some people get all de fun, _non?_'

'Do not let Rogue let you say that.' Piotr grimaced. 'It is not wise to upset her.'

'Tell me about it.' Remy nodded in agreement. 'Remember de last time I did de laundry and stuck my red shirt in with her whites? It wasn't pretty.' The other three X-Men chuckled at the memory.

'Ja.' Kurt grinned. 'I had no idea _meine schwester_ could do that with a scarf. And a monkey wrench. And a rubber ducky.'

'Good think we had fliers, Gumbo.' Logan snickered. 'Or ya would've been stuck on that wall for a very long time.'

'Thank goodness Rogue let you keep your pants. It would have been very awkward otherwise.' Piotr shook his head.

'Laugh it up.' Remy grumbled. 'Remy's shoulder still hurts from it.'

One of the young women got up from the booth and headed over to Logan's stool.

'Omigod! Are you that guy?' The woman gushed. 'You are that guy, aren't you?'

'I can be any guy I want you to be, darlin'.' Logan said as he gave the woman his most charming smile.

'Omigod! _Omigod! _You _are_ that guy!' The young woman babbled. 'I just _loved_ you in that _Australia_ movie! That scene in the desert when you took your shirt off? And your poured a bucket of water on yourself? Oh. My. God. I almost melted!'

'Huh?' A dumbstruck Logan blinked.

Kurt, Remy, and Piotr could barely conceal their amusement. The woman obviously had Logan confused with somebody else. The feral mutant shot a glare at his laughing friends.

'Aww, shaddup.'

* * *

**The Xavier Institute for Higher Learning-**

While the boys were out having beers, the girls were staying home at the X-Mansion. Kitty reached for a pitcher to pour herself another drink, but found out that it was empty much to her disappointment.

'Okay, who drank all the Margarita?'

'I think you drank it all, Pryde.' Rachel pointed out. 'The rest of us barely got a look in.'

'Did not!' Kitty retorted a little drunkenly. 'I hardly touched the stuff.'

_'Please.' _Rogue snorted. 'We know what you're like with alcohol.'

'You always were a bad liar, Kitten.' Ororo chuckled. 'I shall go and make some more.'

Storm picked up all the empty pitchers and headed to the kitchen to make some more drinks.

Kitty turned to regard Betsy, a lecherous grin on her face.

'So Bets, what's Deadpool like in bed?'

Betsy just rolled her eyes at her friend's question.

'Does a night in for drinks always have to involve that question?' The British telepath sighed. 'I'll tell you what I always tell you when you ask me that question: _It isn't any of your business!_'

'Geez. Defensive much?' Kitty tutted.

'Y'all have to forget Kitty.' Rogue smirked. 'Everybody knows she can't handle her drink.'

'Kind of ironic for somebody who used to work in a bar.' August smirked

'Aww, nuts to all of you.' Kitty muttered as she stood up to leave. Unfortunately, she lost her balance and fell forward.

'Kitty! Watch out for the table!' Rogue called out.

Luckily, Kitty was still sober enough to phase through the table.

'I think somebody has had enough to drink.' Betsy snickered. Kitty just mumbled drunkenly under the table.

'Yoda…? Dagobah System…?'

**

* * *

**

**Harry's Hideaway-**

Back at Harry's, the boys were still enjoying the fact that Logan's case of mistaken identity.

'Yeah, keep laughin' it up, alla ya.' Logan grumbled. 'I didn't come here to be made fun of.'

'Oh but Logan, you have to admit that it was funny.' Kurt chuckled. 'I have never seen anything funnier.'

'What about de time somebody t'ought dat Logan was de lead from _Oklahoma!_?' Remy asked.

'_Da_, that was funny.' Piotr nodded in agreement. 'People seem to be confusing you with somebody else a lot recently, _tovarisch._'

Logan just glowered at his friends and drank his beer.

'I don't even know who the hell they're talking about.' The Canadian feral grunted.

'As fun as it is to make fun of Logan, I think it's time for us to make a move.' Kurt suggested. 'The girls will be getting worried.'

'What's the matter, elf?' Logan smirked. 'August don't want you out after curfew?'

'Far from it, _mein freund._' Kurt responded. 'I merely want to leave before events deteriorate into a brawl. Our nights out always seem to end that way.'

'That's half of the fun of a night out.' Logan pointed out. 'It wouldn't be a real night out unless we got into a fight.'

'I have to agree with Kurt.' Piotr nodded. 'I believe we should be leaving, too.'

'I kinda expected as much from you, Petey.' Logan sighed. 'What about you, Cajun? You wanna stay for more?'

'I'm sorry, _mon ami._' Remy apologised. 'I gotta get back to read Marie her bedtime story.'

'Aww, yer all whipped.' Logan muttered. 'Go on, run home alla ya.'

'Don' do anything I wouldn't do.' Remy said as he patted Logan on the shoulder. 'And by dat I mean don' get de police involved.'

* * *

**The Xavier Institute-**

Kurt and his companions walked in through the front door of the X-Mansion to see Rachel and August carrying a semi-conscious Kitty up the stairs.

'I see that somebody's had an eventful night, eh _Katzchen_?' Kurt chuckled.

'Hiya, fuzzy!' Kitty waved at her friend. 'I had the best night ever! We talked and drank margaritas and I started to get dizzy. I think somebody spiked my drink.'

'You really should not drink so much, Katya.' Piotr told her. 'It is not healthy. Plus, everybody knows that you cannot handle your drink.'

'Aww, you're so cute when you're all protective an' stuff.' Kitty giggled drunkenly. 'C'mon, gimmie a kiss.'

Kitty leant in to kiss the tall Russian mutant, but slipped and fell on top of him.

'Perhaps it would be better if I took you to bed myself.' Piotr sighed as he picked Kitty up in his arms. Kitty was now unconscious and snoring noisily.

'Something, something, Dark Side…' Kitty mumbled drunkenly. 'Something, something, complete...'

'So, what have you boys been up to?' August enquired. 'Nothing too racy I hope.'

'Nothing much, _liebe._' Kurt smiled as he gave his lover a kiss. 'It was a pretty uneventful night to tell you the truth.'

'Apart from de moment when some filles t'ought dat Logan was dat guy from de _Australia_ movie.' Remy reminded his friend.

'Heh. That's happening a lot recently.' Rachel chuckled.

**TBC…**

**

* * *

**

**Next: Wolverine and the X-Men**

_The mutilated corpses of mutants have been found all over New York. Logan leads a team of X-Men to find out who is responsible. Unfortunately, most of the X-Men are unavailable. Who will he pick for his team? Tune in next time to find out. Also: Deadpool!_


	30. Wolverine and the X Men: Part 1

**Uncanny X-Men**

**Chapter 30: Wolverine and the X-Men- Part 1**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to Marvel Comics._

_

* * *

_

**Tokyo, Japan-**

Night had fallen on the Japanese capital. Unfortunately, it hadn't been much of a peaceful night. A mutant had been found dead near the docks. This had been the third such mutant found dead in as many weeks. The police had sent for the Big Hero Six, Japan's very own superhero team. Sunfire and the Silver Samurai had been dispatched to investigate the latest mysterious death.

'Who is this man?' The Silver Samurai, real name Kenuichio Harada, asked his teammate as he looked over the dead mutant's body.

'I believe his name is, or was, Mammomax.' Sunfire, real name Shiro Yoshida, explained. 'A one-time member of the Brotherhood of Mutants.'

'These marks on the corpse's arms intrigue me.' The Samurai noted as he examined the dead mutant's arm. 'Was this Mammomax a drug addict? The marks look to me like the marks found on the arms of a heroin user.'

'Hmm. I don't think so.' Sunfire shook his head. 'Mammomax's file didn't mention any history of drug use.'

'I don't believe Mammomax was a victim of anti-mutant violence.' The Samurai stated. 'Japan has always welcomed mutants. Perhaps it would be wise if we asked the X-Men for assistance.'

'I would rather keep this an internal matter.' Sunfire frowned at his silver-armoured cousin. 'There is no need to bring in the X-Men.'

'If mutants are being killed, then the X-Men must be told.' The Silver Samurai pointed out. 'I will notify them at once.'

* * *

**The Xavier Institute for Higher Learning-**

A lone motorcycle drove up to the Xavier Institute. Logan had been off on one of his solo adventures again and has just returned home. He was eager to get inside and chill out with some beer and hockey on the TV.

The feral mutant frowned as he got off his motorbike. Somebody should have been there to meet him already. The whole X-Mansion seemed to be deserted. Logan sniffed the air as he walked in through the door.

'Hunh. Guess I'm all alone.' Logan muttered to himself. 'Just the way I like it. Nobody here to interrupt the hockey.'

_**BLEE-BLEE-BLEE!**_

Logan let out a heavy sigh as the video-phone rang, indicating that somebody was calling.

'So much fer some quiet time.' Logan grumbled as he trudged over to answer the phone.

'Ah, Logan. It is you. I was perhaps hoping for Cyclops or another one of the X-Men.' The Silver Samurai nodded in greeting.

'That's real cute of ya, Kenny.' Logan sighed. 'Cyke an' the other X-Men ain't here. I'm the only one in this place. You'll have to make do with me.'

'Very well.' The Samurai nodded. 'Several mutants have been found dead in and around the Tokyo area in recent weeks. I felt it pertinent that the X-Men were notified of the fact.'

'Any idea who's the one bumpin' off these mutants?' Logan asked.

'That is a complete mystery to us.' The Samurai explained. 'I was hoping that the X-Men would be able to assist us in solving this mystery, but if you are the only one available…'

'I'll manage to rustle up some X-Men for ya, Kenny.' Logan cut off the Japanese hero. 'We'll be there right away.'

'We await your arrival.' The Silver Samurai answered before hanging up. Once the caller had gone, Logan frowned to himself.

'How the hell am I gonna get a team together so soon? Everybody's away on missions. I guess I'll better get out the ol' address book and go make some calls.'

* * *

**The offices of Deadpool Inc., Manhattan-**

The former Merc-With-A-Mouth known as Deadpool was sitting at his desk playing with his action figures.

'Oh Deadpool, thank you for defeating Doctor Doom, Annihilus, and Galactus single-handedly. Youe are so awesome and smart.' Wade gushed in a high-pitched feminine voice as he waggled a miniature Invisible Woman. 'I wish my husband was as awesome as you. Please, there must be something I can do in return…'

'Knowing that evil has been defeated for another day is reward enough.' Wade responded in his normal voice as he waved the Deadpool figure. 'Now, I must depart, for crime never sleeps. To the Deadmobile, away!'

_**Bedee-Bedee!**_

Wade quickly shoved his action figures into the drawer of his desk as his intercom beeped.

'Mr Wilson, you have a guest waiting.' Sandi Brandenberg, Wade's secretary announced. 'It's a Mister Logan…'

'I knew it was only a short time until the hairy midget guest-starred in my story.' Wade muttered to himself. 'Oh, wait… This isn't _my_ story. _I'm_ the guest star! Just like in the comics! Ooh! When do I get to be an Avenger? C'mon, Bendis. If Spider-Woman can be an Avenger, why can't I?'

'Uh, Mr Wilson…' Sandi's voice piped up. 'The intercom's still on.'

'Uh, right…' Wade grimaced as he cleared his throat in embarrassment. 'Ahem. Show him in.'

'Badger! It's great to see you!' Wade grinned as he threw up his arms to meet Logan. 'What brings you to my humble, yet awesome, place of business?'

'I need yer help, Wilson.' Logan explained. 'God knows why you're the first one I came to.'

'Editorial mandate?' Wade suggested.

'I ain't got time fer jokes.' Logan pointed out. 'You comin' or what?'

'Well, somebody's gotta be the comic relief.' Wade grinned. 'It sure ain't gonna be you, Short Round. You wouldn't know comic relief if it came up behind you and stabbed you in the liver.'

Logan just shook his head.

'I'm startin' to regret this idea already…'

'Just let me get my stuff.' Wade said as he walked over to the closet where he kept his work tools. Logan looked over Wade's shoulder to see something small and furry hanging inside the closet upside down by its tail.

'Wilson, you got a family of opposums in yer closet.' The feral mutant pointed out. 'Wade just grinned at that.

'I call the big one Bitey.'

* * *

**Mutant Town-**

Logan's next stop was Mutant Town. Talia Josephine Wagner, the daughter of an alternate reality Nightcrawler, had moved there after leaving the X-Men. She had hooked up with James Proudstar, also known as the former member of X-Force called Warpath. The pair had jumped at the chance to join Logan on a mission. Well, TJ was delirious to join Wolverine on a mission. She had heard stories of his exploits as a child, now it was her chance to experience them firsthand.

'Gee, you're really scraping the bottom of the barrel with this time, Badger.' Deadpool laughed as he followed Logan up the stairs to TJ's apartment. 'Okay, the blue chick's pretty awesome. She's Nightcrawler's daughter... and she's got a nice rack, thanks to Witchie. Awesome runs in the family. But the Proudstar kid? Seriously?'

'We need muscle.' Logan pointed out. 'Proudstar's our man. Quit needlin' him, will ya? I don't want no fightin' breakin' out until we find out what's goin' on in Japan.'

'Spoil my fun.' Deadpool sniffed in disappointment. 'Can't I even drop a grenade down his pants? Not even a little one?'

'Shut up, Wilson.' Logan sighed. 'Let me do the talkin', okay?'

Deadpool kept his mouth shut as Logan knocked on the door. James was the one that answered.

'You ready, Jimbo?' Logan asked the Apache mutant.

'You never told me that _he_ would be on the team as well.' Warpath growled as he glowered at Deadpool.

'Aww, where's the love?' Deadpool tutted. 'You chuck one grenade at a guy and he never lets live it down.' **(1)**

'C'mon Jimmy, yer not gonna back out now are ya?' Logan asked.

'You did give your word.' TJ pointed out as she joined her partner in the doorway. 'I plan on going even if you don't.'

'Fine.' Warpath sighed. 'I'll come along I guess. Just keep that idiot away from me.'

'No can do, old chum.' Deadpool responded. 'We're teammates now. We're compadres. Partners. Colleagues.'

'That's enough, Wilson.' Logan warned the insane ex-merc. 'Now c'mon, we got two more people to pick up.'

* * *

**Calgary, Canada-**

The makeshift team of X-Men were now in a high-rise building somewhere in Calgary. Jean-Paul Beaubier, also known as the Canadian mutant Northstar, had gone into business with his sister Jeanne-Marie. Together they ran Team Northstar Extreme Snowsports, which manufactured snowsporting equipment, like snowboards and skis. They had made quiet a successful life for themselves after retiring from superheroics. However, as was the case with most speedsters they found themselves growing bored and soon longed for a return to fighting villains.

'You sure made a pretty sweet life for yerself, Jean-Paul.' An impressed Logan complimented them as he looked around the office.

'I make do.' Jean-Paul answered simply. 'I may be sickeningly rich now, but I find it boring. I'm glad that you called when you did. I was beginning to go mad from boredom.'

'You certainly assembled quite an eclectic group for yourself, Logan.' Jeanne-Marie added with a grin. 'But, Deadpool? Are you sure that's wise?'

'Wilson may be annoyin', but his heart's in the right place.' Logan reassured her. 'Most of the time.'

'I just hope that your recruiting me has nothing to do with my sexual orientation.' Jean-Paul warned. 'If so, I don't want any part of this group.'

'Brother, this has nothing to do with your choice of sexual partners.' Jeanne-Marie answered. 'The X-Men are sorely short of speedsters, remember? They need us.'

'Very well.' Jean-Paul nodded. 'We'll come with you, Logan. For now at least.'

**TBC…**

**

* * *

**

**Next: Wolverine and the X-Men- Pat 2**

_Will Logan's team of X-Men be able to find the culprit behind the mysterious mutants' deaths? Tune in next time to find out…_

_

* * *

_

**Author's Notes-**

**(1)- **_Deadpool attacked Warpath in _Deadpool #12.


	31. Wolverine and the X Men: Part 2

**Uncanny X-Men**

**Chapter 31: Wolverine and the X-Men- Part 2**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to Marvel._

* * *

**Tokyo, Japan-**

Wolverine and his makeshift team of X-Men had arrived in Tokyo where the Silver Samurai was there to meet them. The feral Canadian was in the morgue where Mammomax, the latest mutant to end up dead in Tokyo's streets, had ended up.

'As you can see, these marks on the victim's arms are a mystery.' The Silver Samurai stated, pointing out said marks. 'We were hoping that you might be able to shed some light on what might have happened.'

'These marks ain't the same as if he'd been doin' drugs.' Logan remarked. 'If I had to take a guess, I'd say the poor jerk had been drained.'

'Drained of what?' The Silver Samurai asked.

'I'm willin' to bet that he was being used as a supplier of MGH.' Logan explained. 'That crap's all the rage back in the States, but whoever was used to make the drug never ended up bein' dumped like this. Whoever's behind this is new to the drug makin' business, an' not very good at it.'

'There have been reports of a new criminal group appearing in Tokyo.' The Silver Samurai remembered. 'I believe they are old friends of yours. Fenris.'

'Those losers?' Logan snorted in derision. 'They must be desperate if they're resortin' to dealin' drugs.'

'Big Hero Six would have gone after Fenris ourselves if we could prove anything.' The Silver Samurai explained.

'Oh, I get it.' Logan nodded in understanding. 'You guys don't wanna get your hands dirty, so you want the X-Men to come help. Real classy, Kenny.'

'Then you will do it?' The Silver Samurai asked.

'Yeah, I'll take care of Fenris for ya.' Logan nodded. 'But you're gonna owe me for this, Kenny.'

* * *

**The streets of Tokyo, later-**

The Silver Samurai had pointed Wolverine and the team in the general direction of where they suspected Fenris to be hiding out. The Japanese heroes obviously hadn't been paying attention as Fenris had purchased a rather ostentatious building right in the middle of Tokyo's financial district. It was all neon and shining glass.

'This Fenris group aren't exactly subtle, are they?' Nocturne, aka Talia Josephine Wagner, the daughter of an alternate reality version of Nightcrawler and the Scarlet Witch, said as she watched the building from the team's hiding place in an alley opposite. 'You'd think that would be drug dealers would want their presence to be kept a secret.'

'It's called hidin' in plain sight.' Wolverine stated. 'They've most probably bought off all the cops too. That's why the costumes can't do anything about 'em.'

There was a gust of wind as the Canadian mutant known as Northstar returned from his reconnaissance mission.

'The whole place is woefully guarded.' The mutant speedster stated. 'There are only two guards that I can see.'

'Then what are we waiting for?' Deadpool grinned eagerly as he went for his swords. 'Let's make with the old slice-and-dice already!'

'Put yer swords away, Wilson.' Wolverine told him. 'We ain't gonna go chargin' in. There's no telling what's on the other side of that door. Blue, that's where you come in.'

'Really?' Nocturne blinked in surprise. 'Y-you want _me_ to possess one of those guards?'

'You ain't scared, are ya?' Wolverine asked, lightly teasing the blue elfin woman.

'N-no sir.' Nocturne shook her head. 'It's just… it's an honour to work with you. I never thought that I'd ever work with you in your prime. The Wolverine from my world was too…'

'TJ honey, you're babbling.' Warpath told his teammate. Nocturne cleared her throat and smiled nervously.

'Uh, yeah. Right. I'll get to it.'

The blue-skinned young woman hopped up onto the wall and began climbing. Once she had reached a suitable height, she leapt across to the Fenris building and began climbing down towards the two oblivious guards.

'I can't believe how cheap these people are.' Guard Number One grumbled, checking his gun. 'Only two guards on the outside of the building. They're almost asking for trouble.'

'Oh, stop complaining.' Guard Number Two rolled his eyes. 'You should be thankful that we have this job at all.'

_**BLINK!**_

Guard Two jumped in surprise as his companion jolted upright.

'A-are you okay?' Guard Two asked concernedly as he reached out to help his companion.

'Never felt better.' Guard One grinned, but there was something wrong with the man's voice.

'Y-your voice…' Guard Two gulped fearfully. 'What's going on?'

_**CRACK!**_

The guard never got his answer as his possessed comrade hit him in the face with his gun, knocking him out. Once the guard was down, and after taking out the watching security camera with a well-aimed hex bolt, she motioned for the rest of the team to join her.

'We'd better take care of this guy.' Warpath recommended. 'We don't want anybody stumbling on an unconscious guard.'

'Way ahead of you.' Aurora said as she grabbed the unconscious guard and dashed away at super-speed.

'Where did you hide him?' Northstar asked his sister.

'I threw him in a dumpster.' Aurora shrugged. The speedster noticed that everybody was looking at her strangely. 'What? It was either that or cutting him up and shoving him in a refrigerator.'

Deadpool leant in to whisper to Northstar.

'Your sister scares me.'

* * *

**Inside-**

The journey into the Fenris building had been an easy one. The whole place was woefully guarded, just as it was outside. Any guards that they found were dealt with swiftly.

'This has been too easy.' Northstar frowned as he hid the last guard in a utility closet.

'Dude! Don't say that!' Deadpool grimaced. 'That's the worst thing that you could possibly say! Whenever somebody says _this is too easy, _it always gets worse!'

_**ZARK!**_

The Merc-With-A-Mouth fell to the ground, having been blasted by a bolt of energy.

'Wise words, Deadpool.' Andreas Von Strucker grinned as he made his presence known. 'Pity they will be the last ones he will say. Isn't that correct sister?'

'Indeed, brother.' Andrea Von Strucker matched her brother's grin. 'Good thing he can heal. It's no way near as fun when they die straight away.'

'Yer gonna regret that.' Wolverine growled. 'Even if Wilson was an annoying jackass…'

'Ah, but we're not the only ones behind this whole situation.' Andreas smiled. 'An old friend of yours came to us asking to help.'

'How are we to refuse an offer to wreak revenge upon Wolverine?' Andrea added. 'Plus, we never could say no to a nice bit of extra cash.'

'How could you?' Nocturne yelled angrily. 'You killed mutants to make drugs!'

'These jerks don't care about that.' Warpath sneered. 'They only care about causing others pain.'

'I think it's about time we introduced our friend, don't you Andrea?' Andreas laughed.

'Come one out, Mr Tsurayaba…' Andrea said.

_**SNIKT!**_

'You son of a…' Wolverine growled angrily as he recognised his old enemy. Matsu'o Tsurayaba was the one responsible for killing Mariko Yashida, the woman that Logan loved. The poor woman was poisoned on his orders.

'What, no smile for an old friend?' Matsu'o grinned. 'After all the history we share?'

'You mean to say that this whole plot was to get back at Wolverine?' Aurora gasped. 'Killing mutants to lead him here?'

'The money made from the drugs was just a fortunate by-product.' Matsu'o explained. 'I have no need of the money, but the Struckers were more than happy to accept it.'

'Enough talking!' Wolverine growled. 'Let's end this!'

The heroes all leapt to attack.

'Guards! Take them down!' Andreas Strucker commanded as hoards of well-armed soldiers appeared out of nowhere.

Wolverine leapt at Matsu'o, aiming to take off his head. Unfortunately for the feral mutant, Matsu'o had changed since they last met. The man's arm morphed into a sword-like blade. He plunged it straight through Wolverine's chest.

'Surprised, Logan?' Matsu'o sneered. 'What do you expect, after all you've put me through? Every year you take away another piece of my body. Thanks to you I'm more machine than man.'

'Cry me a river, ya son of a…' Wolverine spat in response.

'Ah-ah.' Matsu'o shook his head. 'Watch the language. There are ladies present after all.'

Meanwhile, the rest of the team were taking on Fenris and the guards.

'It feels so good to fight the X-Men again, doesn't it sister?' Andreas grinned as he launched his plasma bolts at the heroes.

'Indeed it does, brother.' Andrea smiled in response as she took on the heroes with a volley of bio-electric blasts. 'It has been such a long time since we last had so much fun.'

'You two talk too much.' Northstar grumbled. 'How about my sister and I show you how family teamwork _really _works? Ready, Jeanne-Marie?'

'Always ready, Jean-Paul.' Aurora smiled as joined hands with her brother. 'Good thing I brought my sunglasses…'

_**ZARK!**_

A sudden flash of light emanated from the Canadian mutant twins, blinding Andreas and Andrea Strucker.

'Ahh! My eyes!' Andreas howled as he clutched his face. 'You mutant scum! You blinded me!'

'So much for shutting them up.' Northstar rolled his eyes with a heavy sigh.

'Allow me…' Warpath volunteered as he tossed a guard aside and picked up the stunned Fenris twins.

_**CRACK!**_

The Apache mutant smacked the evil twins' heads together, knocking them out. 'Man, I hate bad guys that don't know when to shut up.'

'Oy vey, my aching head…' Deadpool groaned as he regained consciousness.

'Speak of the devil.' Warpath muttered to himself. 'Good thing you're awake, Wilson. You almost missed all the fun.'

'Let me guess, we're drastically outnumbered and all seems lost.' The Merc-With-A-Mouth said, getting a nod of confirmation. Deadpool grinned happily underneath his mask. The quasi-sane mercenary unsheathed a sword and shut off the safety of his gun. 'Just my sort of odds. _**COBRAAAAA!**_' The Merc-With-A-Mouth let out a fierce battle cry as he leapt into the fray.

'Oh gosh! I can't believe I'm actually fighting bad guys with Wolverine.' Nocturne gushed as she kicked a guard in the face before taking another down with a hex bolt to the back of the head. 'I mean, Wolverine!'

'Hey, what about me?' Deadpool tutted as he relieved one of the guards of his right hand. 'I've got an upcoming movie starring Ryan Reynolds, y'know. Well, probably…' The Merc-With-A-Mouth ran another guard through with his sword. '_Why aren't you awesomed by me?_'

'Umm… If I say that I'm awesomed by you, will you stop killing people?' Nocturne winced at Wade's display of brutality. 'X-Men aren't supposed to kill, right?'

'Feh. That's really more of a recommendation.' Deadpool shrugged. 'Besides, I haven't actually killed anybody yet. They're just… sleeping. Yeah, sleeping.'

Back with Wolverine and Matsu'o, the fight wasn't going well for the Canadian mutant. Matsu'o had many cybernetic implants after the ordeal Logan had put him through. He also seemed to heal as soon as Wolverine cut him.

'Do you like my new abilities, Logan?' Matsu'o sneered as he stabbed Wolverine in the shoulder with his own cybernetic claws. 'Another fortunate by-product of my partnership with Fenris. They gave me all the technology to improve myself.'

'I bet they ain't made outta adamantium.' Wolverine growled. 'Yer rich, but ya couldn't possibly afford enough to make all yer fancy toys.'

'Techno-organics, Logan.' Matsu'o retorted. 'Harvested from the remains of a failed Phalanx invasion. Infinitely better that your paltry adamantium skeleton.'

'We'll soon see about that…' Wolverine said. 'Wilson, gimmie a grenade!'

'You got it, boss!' Deadpool responded as he tossed the Canadian mutant a grenade.

_**SHANK!**_

Wolverine sliced open his enemies chest and shoved the grenade inside before the techno-organics could heal the wound.

'No!' Matsu'o howled as he began to claw at his own chest. 'What have you done?'

_**BOOM!**_

The grenade exploded, sending pieces of Matsu'o flying all over.

'_Aughh! _Techno-organic goo!' Deadpool yelped as he was pelted with the stuff. 'Not cool, man! Not cool!'

'You killed him…' Nocturne blinked in disbelief as she finished off the last of the guards. 'I can't believe you just…'

'Don't fret, kid.' Wolverine responded calmly. 'If his T-O is up to scratch, Matsu'o should be up and about in no time.'

'So I guess that means clean up duty.' Northstar sighed as he tried to get some of the goo out of his hair. 'Lovely.'

* * *

**Later-**

Once Matsu'o, or what had remained of him, had been taken away by the authorities alongside the Fenris twins, Wolverine and the rest of the team returned to the Blackbird to fly them home.

'You did some good work out there, kid.' Wolverine commended. 'You aught to join the X-Men fulltime.'

'I'm not so sure, Mr Logan…' Nocturne responded, her head bowed shyly. 'It was an honour to work with you, but I never know you could be so vicious.'

'Hey, you know the saying, Blue…' Deadpool piped up. 'He's the best at what he does, and what he does ain't pretty. Or some such…'

'The offer's open no matter what ya decide.' Wolverine continued. 'The same goes fer all three of yer.'

'Well, it was quite enjoyable fighting evildoers.' Northstar nodded thoughtfully. 'And I didn't completely detest being a teacher either…'

'It would be nice to see everybody again.' Aurora agreed. 'Running an extreme sports business can be quite boring. An occasional mission will be a perfect break!'

'I'll join, just as long as you keep Wilson away from me.' Warpath added, jerking a thumb towards Deadpool.

'No can do, buddy.' Deadpool grinned as he put an arm around the Apache mutant's shoulders. 'We're teammates, yo. We're gonna be the bestest friends ever!' Warpath shot the Merc-With-A-Mouth a withering glare.

'Don't touch me.' Warpath hissed. Deadpool backed away quickly. The Apache powerhouse was not messing around.

'So, who's for tea?' Deadpool asked as he waved a thermos and a red plastic lunchbox with a photograph of Ryan Reynolds taped to it. 'I brought sandwiches!'

'Why is there a picture of Ryan Reynolds on your lunchbox?' Nocturne blinked. 'And why does it have love hearts drawn all over it?' Deadpool let out a nervous cough.

'No reason…'

**TBC…**

* * *

**Next: It Isn't Easy Being Blue**

_How will Nightcrawler react once he finds out that his daughter from an alternate reality is staying at the Xavier Institute? Tune in next time to find out…_


	32. It Isn't Easy Being Blue

**Uncanny New X-Men**

**Chapter 32: It Isn't Easy Being Blue**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

* * *

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to Marvel Comics._

* * *

**The Xavier Institute for Higher Learning-**

Talia Josephine Wagner, the daughter of Nightcrawler from an alternate reality, walked through the lower levels of the Xavier Institute carrying a tray of food. She was on her way to the infirmary with some refreshments for the patients within.

Ever since the woman had returned to the Xavier Institute, she had been at a loss for anything to do. **(1) **James Proudstar, her boyfriend, had joined cable's X-Force team, but TJ had yet to be assigned a place in a team. Instead of sitting around the place doing nothing, she decided to help out in the infirmary.

'Grub's up!' TJ grinned as she walked into the infirmary.

'_Shhh!_' Moira MacTaggart hushed the young woman. 'Can ye no' see that the patients are sleeping?'

'Sorry, Doctor MacTaggart.' TJ winced as she put down her tray. 'I thought that the patients might have wanted something to eat.'

'We're right here, you know.' Sharon Smith piped up from her infirmary bed. **(2) **The lavender-haired young woman's face lit up when she noticed the silver tray sitting atop the counter. 'Please tell me that's a tuna sandwich and strawberry milkshake.'

'Made it all myself.' TJ smiled as she passed Sharon her food. 'Well, I opened the bottle of milkshake and poured it into a glass, but you get my point.'

'Huh?' Sharon blinked, her mouth smothered with tuna and milkshake. 'What? Is there something on my face?'

'Do you children always talk so much?' Magneto grumbled from a nearby bed. **(3)**

'Erik, get back in yuir bed.' Moira ordered her patient. 'Yuir in no fit state to be up and about.'

'I feel fine, Doctor MacTaggart.' The Master of Magnetism waved the doctor's concerns away. 'I feel absolutely fine…'

As if in response to his comments, Erik's legs buckled underneath him. TJ leapt in to help him up.

'It's okay. I've got you, grandpa…' TJ grimaced in embarrassment once she noticed what she had just said.

'Grandpa?' Magneto blinked in confusion as he allowed himself to be helped back into bed. 'I must have been unconscious for longer than I thought.'

TJ sighed heavily as she pulled up a chair. 'I suppose an explanation is in order…'

* * *

**A little while later-**

'So you are the daughter of Wanda Maximoff and Kurt Wagner from an alternate dimension.' Erik recounted. 'Hmm. Stranger things have happened, I suppose. At least Wanda marrying an X-Man isn't as unusual as marrying the robot.' **(4)**

'You're not freaked out?' TJ asked cautiously.

'Far from it, my dear.' Erik smiled as he patted TJ's hand. 'It's nice to have a grandchild that actually wishes to spend time with me.'

'What about Luna?' TJ enquired. 'Doesn't she want to hang out with her grandfather? I know I would. I never knew my grandfather in my home dimension.'

'I don't know if she would ever wish to see me.' Erik admitted sadly. 'Her father would never allow me to see her. It's understandable, I suppose. I have caused nothing but trouble for my family. It would be best if I just kept away.'

'I won't hear any of it.' TJ shook her head sternly. 'What do you say I take you to go see Luna? That's if it's okay with you, Doctor MacTaggart.'

'Just try to bring him back in one piece, will ye?' Moira sighed. 'Dinnae get into any trouble.' TJ just smiled sweetly at that.

'Perish the thought.'

* * *

**The skies above California, a little later-**

One of the X-Men Blackbird jets tore across the skies above California towards Malibu, where the West Coast Avengers had their headquarters, and where Luna Maximoff would be found with her parents, the Avengers Quicksilver and Crystal.

'Don't you think this is a bit much?' Erik asked as he looked around at all the stuffed toys, balloons, and other bits-and-bobs he had bought for his estranged granddaughter. 'I haven't seen Luna in so long. I don't even know what she'll like.'

'I'm sure she'll love everything.' TJ reassured her grandfather. 'She'd be happy enough to just see you.'

'It's not Luna I'm worried about.' Erik said. 'Pietro will not be happy to see me.'

'Everything will be fine.' TJ scoffed. 'You worry too much, grandpa.'

TJ brought the Blackbird jet in for a landing outside Avengers Complex. A crowd of Avengers had already gathered to witness their arrival.

'I have a bad feeling about this.' Erik sighed as he disembarked from the jet. Unfortunately, USAgent was the first to greet them.

'What the hell do you think you're doing here?' The former Captain America yelled. 'We've had enough trouble without a wanted criminal just waltzing in here unannounced!'

'I am here to see my granddaughter.' Erik told the man calmly. 'I am asking you nicely, please let me pass.'

'You're not going anywhere except back on that jet, buddy.' USAgent retorted. 'Or do I have to get avenging on your ass?'

'Walker, no…' Tigra grimaced. 'The man just wants to see his granddaughter. He doesn't want a fight.'

'Keep out of this, Greer!' USAgent snapped back. 'He should have thought about that before he stepped on Avengers' soil! _Avengers Assemble!_'

USAgent threw his shield at Magneto, only for the Master of Magnetism to grab it in his hand. Unfortunately, this tiny use of his powers weakened him considerably. The weakened Magneto fell to his knees.

'Grandpa, no!' Luna yelled as she dashed out of the main building.

'Luna, stay away form him!' Quicksilver cut in as he dashed in front of his daughter, keeping her away from Magneto.

'I didn't come here to cause any trouble, Pietro.' Erik reassured his estranged son. 'I only came here to see Luna.'

'You can be such a jerk, dad!' Luna glowered at her father. 'You told me how weak he was after all that Mr Sinister guy did to him. Does he really look like somebody that came here to cause trouble.'

'I still don't trust him.' Quicksilver frowned.

'So we're just going to let him waltz in here?' USAgent asked. 'doesn't anybody listen to anything I say?'

'Let it go, Walker.' Tigra calmed her teammate. 'The man just wants to see his granddaughter.'

Luna pushed past her father and helped her grandfather up to his feet.

'I'm so sorry about dad.' Luna apologised. 'I never knew he could be such a jerk.'

'It's fine, Luna.' Erik smiled down at his young granddaughter. 'He always has been stubborn. I suppose he gets that from me.'

Quicksilver turned to regard TJ, who had been standing away from the action.

'And just who might you be?' The speedster enquired.

'I'm Talia Josephine Wagner, Uncle Pietro.' TJ smiled as she hugged Quicksilver. 'I'm your niece!' Quicksilver blinked in confusion at the news.

'Uncle? Niece?' The silver-haired speedster pinched the bridge of his nose in exasperation. 'I supposed you'd better come in as well then.'

**TBC…**

* * *

**Next: Lunch With Magneto**

_Magneto is finally allowed to sit down and spend time with his granddaughter. It's not as if anything else could go wrong… could it?_

* * *

**Author's Notes-**

**(1)- **_TJ joined the X-Men in the previous chapter._

**(2)- **_Sharon Smith, aka Catseye, was injured by her teammate Penance in Chapter 44 of _'The Uncanny Sirens'.

**(3)- **_The X-Men picked up the weakened Magneto in Chapter 34 of '_Uncanny Classic X-Men'.

**(4)-** _Magneto is, of course, referring to Wanda's former marriage to the synthezoid Vision._


End file.
